To think DD should get the rail replacement bus

WrongKindOfWaterOnTheTrack · 2026-02-09T09:41:36+00:00

DD goes to college in a city about 40 miles away from our home. Lots of kids from our area do as the college in town doesn’t have a great reputation. The city college also actively recruited, taking DD & the rest of her set to open days to talk about their Oxbridge scheme etc. the commute is usually about 10 min drive to the station, and about 1h15 on the train. However the trainline is now in its 3rd week of closure due to flooding. This happened last year and actually also earlier this year, and sometimes DD has taken the replacement bus, but she hates it. She says she can’t get any work done, it takes much longer than the train does, & I think she finds the uncertainty stressful (it’s not clear always what times the buses will go or whether there will be space for everyone). She hasn’t gone into college once during this current closure. It is true that the bus takes even longer than the usual commute would do, and I think she enjoys having time to fit in exercise etc without spending so much time on the commute. She is also conscientious and I think is doing all the work at home. But I feel surely she should be going to college, she can’t miss weeks on weeks of lessons?! I feel when she chose the college miles away, she chose the harder option travel wise & should be committed to the travel… AIBU?

Ponderingwindow · 12/02/2026 04:38

Given what you describe of the backup bus situation, I think you should be helping her with transportation.

CypressGrove · 12/02/2026 03:52

Fodencat · 10/02/2026 08:44

Yes I’m fully aware of that. My youngest son does hybrid working. The point I’m making is that sometimes young people need to learn some resilience.

Show quote history

I really don't see how sitting on a bus for four hours builds resilience in life, and I'm sure the OPs daughter has had many opportunities to develop resilience in ways that are actually useful - like how to successfully transition from on-site learning to at-home learning..
I often help with graduate recruitment at work where we give the potential graduates a range of problems to solve - if the problem was 'your transport to college has increased to 5 hours a day but your college allows you to study from home, how do you adjust', the ones that answer 'oh I'd still go in every day' would be the first to be culled!

Needmorelego · 11/02/2026 15:35

@Whenindoubthugitout 2 hours to walk to work !
I would have taken a sleeping bag and slept in the staff room if it was a job that really needed you to be there.

StrawberryJamAndRaspberryPie · 11/02/2026 13:30

Whenindoubthugitout · 10/02/2026 11:18

No they would not!

bloody hell - snowstorm of 2010, I walked to and from work for a week. It was 4 miles each way and it took 2 hours. There was not an option to not go in.

i seriously worry about this bloody country.
we are raising people who have no resilience, no aptitude for thinking out of the box, and so centred around one’s own self and comfort - that they have no recognition of who they impact on others.

i bet the bloody teacher has made it in every day!

Show quote history

It’s not 2010 anymore and if you are able to do your job online now (obvs if you can’t do it online they won’t let you) then they let you In scenarios like this. FFS in 2010 I was still in school uniform and now I’m in my 30s.

Blondeshavemorefun · 11/02/2026 00:03

Whenindoubthugitout · 10/02/2026 11:18

No they would not!

bloody hell - snowstorm of 2010, I walked to and from work for a week. It was 4 miles each way and it took 2 hours. There was not an option to not go in.

i seriously worry about this bloody country.
we are raising people who have no resilience, no aptitude for thinking out of the box, and so centred around one’s own self and comfort - that they have no recognition of who they impact on others.

i bet the bloody teacher has made it in every day!

Show quote history

Since Covid and 2020 where people had to work at home and actually managed to do work - a lot of offices are more flexible about wfh now

Jarstastic · 10/02/2026 14:28

I guessed which part of the world this is. This is absolutely outrageous it has been going on so long. Underinvestment for years.

I agree with you and it's too much like comfort, but given the amount of time and where your daughter is in Y13 and college is happy with it, I'd let it go and let her focus. Though if you/other parents can get them in sometimes via car, I'd do that.

Whenindoubthugitout · 10/02/2026 13:18

WrongKindOfWaterOnTheTrack · 10/02/2026 12:45

Well it does take a detour actually - whereas it used to be a train that left once an hour and took 1hr 10 mins, it’s now a bus that takes about 2 hours & is unpredictable about when it leaves or if you’ll get a place on it. The timetable for Monday’s buses wasn’t released until 10pm on Sunday night!

I would actually describe DD as a hard worker, to be fair. She will fly in the workplace. In fact she has a part time restaurant job and they’ve asked her to consider doing her management training when she turns 18.

Show quote history

Well - you have answered your own question,

whymadam · 10/02/2026 12:51

Whenindoubthugitout · 10/02/2026 11:24

But what’s extraordinary about it, there is transport to and from her place of learning, it’s not like it’s been cancelled completely, or she is having to make a massive detour. She just doesn’t like the mode of transport. Hardly extraordinary.

Show quote history

Tbf, no one would exactly love this mode of transport!

Original poster

WrongKindOfWaterOnTheTrack · 10/02/2026 12:45

Whenindoubthugitout · 10/02/2026 11:24

But what’s extraordinary about it, there is transport to and from her place of learning, it’s not like it’s been cancelled completely, or she is having to make a massive detour. She just doesn’t like the mode of transport. Hardly extraordinary.

Show quote history

Well it does take a detour actually - whereas it used to be a train that left once an hour and took 1hr 10 mins, it’s now a bus that takes about 2 hours & is unpredictable about when it leaves or if you’ll get a place on it. The timetable for Monday’s buses wasn’t released until 10pm on Sunday night!

I would actually describe DD as a hard worker, to be fair. She will fly in the workplace. In fact she has a part time restaurant job and they’ve asked her to consider doing her management training when she turns 18.

OP posts:

NimbleHiker · 10/02/2026 12:10

Whenindoubthugitout · 10/02/2026 10:33

She needs to go, end of.
life is about making choices, and the dealing with the consequences of those choices
right now, she feels it’s optional. How the hell is she going to cope when a job becomes hard or complicated, just not go.

she needs to build some reillence.

Edited

She is not going to build resilience by spending at least 5 hours a day on a bus that may or may not come. She is just going to fall behind on her studies. My employer certainly wouldn't be happy if o i was turning up for work over 2 hours late every day due to an unreliable rail replacement bus.

AeroChambre · 10/02/2026 12:09

Whenindoubthugitout · 10/02/2026 11:18

No they would not!

bloody hell - snowstorm of 2010, I walked to and from work for a week. It was 4 miles each way and it took 2 hours. There was not an option to not go in.

i seriously worry about this bloody country.
we are raising people who have no resilience, no aptitude for thinking out of the box, and so centred around one’s own self and comfort - that they have no recognition of who they impact on others.

i bet the bloody teacher has made it in every day!

Show quote history

So if you lived in say Northampton, and worked in Central London, and normally this was a hard and long journey but doable on trains....and the the trains aren't running but they put on a bus, once every few hours, and nothing like the capacity of the train...

You walked because it was 4 miles. Would you have walked if it was 14?

Everyone has a line.

Thechaseison71 · 10/02/2026 12:03

Soontobe60 · 10/02/2026 08:24

The daughter chose this college knowing how long the commute was though.

Show quote history

I doubt she expected the trains to be so unreluable for so long though

redskydelight · 10/02/2026 11:41

Whenindoubthugitout · 10/02/2026 11:24

But what’s extraordinary about it, there is transport to and from her place of learning, it’s not like it’s been cancelled completely, or she is having to make a massive detour. She just doesn’t like the mode of transport. Hardly extraordinary.

Show quote history

The transport isn't suitable though - there isn't enough spaces for everyone that needs it, and it arrives too late - so sessions early in the day will be missed if DD manages to get a place on the bus in the first place.

I'm sure if the bus arrived reliably, had enough space, and got to college in a timely manner, DD would be much happier to take it.

Whenindoubthugitout · 10/02/2026 11:24

myfriendsellshouses · 09/02/2026 09:58

Having read your updates though, if the college are marking her as attending because she is doing the work, then she probably is better off doing it at home.

DD's tutors made it very clear to them that they could not ever authorise them to work at home, so I guess this is extraordinary circumstances so they are allowing it.

But what’s extraordinary about it, there is transport to and from her place of learning, it’s not like it’s been cancelled completely, or she is having to make a massive detour. She just doesn’t like the mode of transport. Hardly extraordinary.

Whenindoubthugitout · 10/02/2026 11:18

StrawberryJamAndRaspberryPie · 10/02/2026 11:07

Most jobs would just let you work from home for the duration of the disruption.

Show quote history

No they would not!

bloody hell - snowstorm of 2010, I walked to and from work for a week. It was 4 miles each way and it took 2 hours. There was not an option to not go in.

i seriously worry about this bloody country.
we are raising people who have no resilience, no aptitude for thinking out of the box, and so centred around one’s own self and comfort - that they have no recognition of who they impact on others.

i bet the bloody teacher has made it in every day!

rose69 · 10/02/2026 11:12

If you have time I would drive her. Year 13 is tough and it’s only going to be for a finite time.

StrawberryJamAndRaspberryPie · 10/02/2026 11:07

zingally · 10/02/2026 09:50

She needs to get on the replacement bus. They are annoying, I get it, but I'd personally see it as "training" for adult life. She wouldn't be excused from work because she didn't like the mode of transport on offer.
At the end of the day, she chose the college with a long commute. I think she needs to learn that if you want to make more extreme choices, sometimes they come with harsher compromises.

Most jobs would just let you work from home for the duration of the disruption.

StrawberryJamAndRaspberryPie · 10/02/2026 11:05

Personally I don’t think the bus is a reasonable replacement if it’s taking that long. I did a 90 minute commute to 6th form and I honestly was exhausted all the time. I think it damaged my grades.

I do 1hr 15 to uni now and it’s just about ok. But in a bus? I’d be vomiting everywhere.

NeverSeenThatColourBlue · 10/02/2026 11:03

Whenindoubthugitout · 10/02/2026 10:33

She needs to go, end of.
life is about making choices, and the dealing with the consequences of those choices
right now, she feels it’s optional. How the hell is she going to cope when a job becomes hard or complicated, just not go.

she needs to build some reillence.

Edited

I'm just picturing interviewing a candidate for a role.

"You're 20 minutes late."
"Yes, I did leave the house 3 hours ago but 2 buses didn't turn up and the third was late."
"You do know that you were offered the opportunity to do this virtually?"
"Oh gosh no, just because public transport is unreliable doesn't mean I'm going to utilise the available technology to get the task done! You have to crack on and live like it's 1983."
"Right. So, do you have any hobbies or personal interests?"
"Well, not really, college takes all of my time at the moment."
"Really? I can see you're predicted quite low grades for your course."
"Yes, well, some days I don't get in until 11 and by the time I get home I'm so exhausted that I just go straight to bed."
"After an 11-4 day?"
"I choose to spend at least 5 hours a day on the bus so I can demonstrate resilience, it means I'm quite behind on my studying, don't have time to stay fit and well and rarely get enough sleep but at least I can show I have strong moral fibre."
"I think we're looking for someone with better decision making skills I'm afraid, but thanks for coming in."

Whenindoubthugitout · 10/02/2026 10:33

She needs to go, end of.
life is about making choices, and the dealing with the consequences of those choices
right now, she feels it’s optional. How the hell is she going to cope when a job becomes hard or complicated, just not go.

she needs to build some reillence.

redskydelight · 10/02/2026 10:31

zingally · 10/02/2026 09:50

She needs to get on the replacement bus. They are annoying, I get it, but I'd personally see it as "training" for adult life. She wouldn't be excused from work because she didn't like the mode of transport on offer.
At the end of the day, she chose the college with a long commute. I think she needs to learn that if you want to make more extreme choices, sometimes they come with harsher compromises.

It's not training for adult life though - that would be realising that the bus is too unreliable and will arrive too late, so you need to make alternative arrangements or agree with your employer that you can wfh.

Standing at the bus stop and waiting for the bus and blaming the bus on your late arrival at work is abdicating personal responsibility

Pinkday · 10/02/2026 10:07

Plus it's her choice ..you can't very well make her go in

theflat · 10/02/2026 10:07

zingally · 10/02/2026 09:50

She needs to get on the replacement bus. They are annoying, I get it, but I'd personally see it as "training" for adult life. She wouldn't be excused from work because she didn't like the mode of transport on offer.
At the end of the day, she chose the college with a long commute. I think she needs to learn that if you want to make more extreme choices, sometimes they come with harsher compromises.

Equally she will mange to get to work as an adult even if she doesn’t use the rail replacements for college.

Pinkday · 10/02/2026 10:07

WrongKindOfWaterOnTheTrack · 09/02/2026 09:47

The college is marking students as attending if they do the work set online. Some kids further down the trainline have no option of getting in at all as the rail replacement bus isn’t stopping at all stations. So they are understanding of kids not coming in. So her attendance isn’t impacted.

she knows about the bus as she has taken it before, and friends are taking it now - it took 2hrs 20 to get there this morning apparently.

What a waste of 2 hours there and two hours back ,that is 4 hours studying at home .if the work is on line ,I agree with your daughter,she can get an extra 4 hours studying done in that time , total waste of her time going in .

zingally · 10/02/2026 09:50

She needs to get on the replacement bus. They are annoying, I get it, but I'd personally see it as "training" for adult life. She wouldn't be excused from work because she didn't like the mode of transport on offer.
At the end of the day, she chose the college with a long commute. I think she needs to learn that if you want to make more extreme choices, sometimes they come with harsher compromises.