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AIBU?

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Original poster

To holiday alone with DD?

89 replies

HolidayOrNay · 09/02/2026 09:28

DP has three older children and we have DD2 together. This summer, we are going on a ten day holiday all together to a camp site in the South of France, but I also really fancy a more relaxing break.

DP has said he won’t go on holiday with DD unless SC are there too. I don’t want to go for a week without her. AIBU to go on holiday with DD instead of DP?

OP posts:
Original poster
HolidayOrNay · 09/02/2026 10:43

Loadsapandas · 09/02/2026 10:31

Why don’t you join him for the theme park?

I’m in a nuclear family but I get DP position, he has 4 kids and doesn’t want to take some and not others.

You chose a man with 3 kids so I guess there will be sacrifices with that.

However you have 1 DC so are free to go away without DH - I would.

I think it’s nice for SC and DP to spend time together, and to be honest it wouldn’t be much fun for DD and me because they’d be wanting to spend it all queuing for big rides that she can’t go on. He doesn’t want to take all four (obviously) because then he wouldn’t be able to go on the rides.

I think, with the age gap, there’s always going to be some separation in activities and that’s fine.

OP posts:
LoftyAmberLion · 09/02/2026 10:35

Loadsapandas · 09/02/2026 10:31

Why don’t you join him for the theme park?

I’m in a nuclear family but I get DP position, he has 4 kids and doesn’t want to take some and not others.

You chose a man with 3 kids so I guess there will be sacrifices with that.

However you have 1 DC so are free to go away without DH - I would.

So their DD has to be the one making the sacrifices does she? He’s leaving her behind for the theme park trip so why can’t he leave them behind for a trip with DD??

Driftingawaynow · 09/02/2026 10:35

Solo holidays with a little one are magic. Do it

Loadsapandas · 09/02/2026 10:31

Why don’t you join him for the theme park?

I’m in a nuclear family but I get DP position, he has 4 kids and doesn’t want to take some and not others.

You chose a man with 3 kids so I guess there will be sacrifices with that.

However you have 1 DC so are free to go away without DH - I would.

LoftyAmberLion · 09/02/2026 10:31

Your DH is being completely unreasonable. He should be doing both holidays with SC and with just you and your DD and not expect you to leave a 2 year old for a week. Your daughter is going to miss out on a lot because life should not stop just because the SC are not around and he feels guilty. They have holidays with him and with their mum because they are separated but your daughter’s parents are not separated!

Original poster
HolidayOrNay · 09/02/2026 10:24

And I forgot but DP is taking SC on a theme park long weekend that me and DD aren’t going on. Is that a problem, him taking some of his kids and not all of them?

OP posts:
Original poster
HolidayOrNay · 09/02/2026 10:23

sittingonabeach · 09/02/2026 10:21

Stepmum takes her DC on holiday without their dad as they aren’t together any more.

I would find it odd if she took one on holiday and left the others behind as she would have a better holiday without them

Which is pretty much what you are asking DP to do.

She actually has younger kids too and has taken them on holiday without SC (her older kids) and her new husband plenty of times. She does it when SC are with us and they’ve never complained about it.

OP posts:
sittingonabeach · 09/02/2026 10:21

Stepmum takes her DC on holiday without their dad as they aren’t together any more.

I would find it odd if she took one on holiday and left the others behind as she would have a better holiday without them

Which is pretty much what you are asking DP to do.

Original poster
HolidayOrNay · 09/02/2026 10:14

sittingonabeach · 09/02/2026 10:11

How often are the DC with you?

Surely this is part of being a blended family and also having a wide range of ages.

If I was the dad I wouldn’t want to have holidays with only some of my DC (especially at the ages they are)

Yes the steps get holidays with their mum, but OP’s DD gets to spend all her time with both parents not being shunted between 2 homes and not have their parents together, and then have other adults brought into their lives and home. Not sure an extra holiday makes up for that

I’m not forcing him to come if he doesn’t want to, just taking DD on holiday by myself. Would you be offended if SC’s mum took her children on holiday? If not, why is it different if I do?

OP posts:
Original poster
HolidayOrNay · 09/02/2026 10:13

Duejuly26 · 09/02/2026 10:02

It’s frustrating! I have had to discuss this with my DH recently, not in relation to holidays, but as my DSS is with us at weekends he will go out and do things with him for full days, but rarely with our DD unless I push for it. I would have a word with him about how your DD deserves some time on holiday with her dad too, and that you’re happy for her to take a backseat on the full family holiday but on the proviso she gets some quality time on a holiday with her. Failing that, take her alone! I’ve been on loads of lovely holidays with DD and my mum and I often just take DD out when DSS is here to do lovely things. It is really hard being part of a blended family sometimes as there’s so much guilt there x

Show quote history

Yes it is frustrating, I have had the same conversations. When SC are here, it’s all about them, which I understand but DD still exists when they’re at their mum’s.

OP posts:
sittingonabeach · 09/02/2026 10:11

How often are the DC with you?

Surely this is part of being a blended family and also having a wide range of ages.

If I was the dad I wouldn’t want to have holidays with only some of my DC (especially at the ages they are)

Yes the steps get holidays with their mum, but OP’s DD gets to spend all her time with both parents not being shunted between 2 homes and not have their parents together, and then have other adults brought into their lives and home. Not sure an extra holiday makes up for that

Original poster
HolidayOrNay · 09/02/2026 10:05

queenofwandss · 09/02/2026 09:59

Is there not a happy medium? I am also in a blended family so I can see both sides of this. You don’t want to leave her for that long- can you two go away child free for less than a week? 3 nights?

We have been away for a night a couple of times (and will be again over the year) but I don’t want to leave her for any longer yet. Maybe when she’s older.

OP posts:
Duejuly26 · 09/02/2026 10:02

HolidayOrNay · 09/02/2026 09:56

Yes this is exactly what happens. We’ve chosen an active camp site for the summer to suit SC so he’ll be out every day doing activities with them and I’ll be solo with DD, then we’ll be together for the evening until DD goes to bed and he stays out with SC.

Show quote history

It’s frustrating! I have had to discuss this with my DH recently, not in relation to holidays, but as my DSS is with us at weekends he will go out and do things with him for full days, but rarely with our DD unless I push for it. I would have a word with him about how your DD deserves some time on holiday with her dad too, and that you’re happy for her to take a backseat on the full family holiday but on the proviso she gets some quality time on a holiday with her. Failing that, take her alone! I’ve been on loads of lovely holidays with DD and my mum and I often just take DD out when DSS is here to do lovely things. It is really hard being part of a blended family sometimes as there’s so much guilt there x

queenofwandss · 09/02/2026 09:59

Is there not a happy medium? I am also in a blended family so I can see both sides of this. You don’t want to leave her for that long- can you two go away child free for less than a week? 3 nights?

BauhausOfEliott · 09/02/2026 09:57

I think it's perfectly OK not to want to leave your child behind when you go on holiday.

It's up to your DP whether he goes with you.

titchy · 09/02/2026 09:56

BiscoffCheesecakes · 09/02/2026 09:50

But he hasn't said she can't come has he? So why would you be going away without her?
But no, YANBU to go away with just dd

Yes he has. He won’t go away with his youngest child unless the other three are also there. So the littlest gets one holiday a year while the older ones get more because they go away with their dm.

Original poster
HolidayOrNay · 09/02/2026 09:56

Duejuly26 · 09/02/2026 09:51

Do your SC go away with their mum too? Me, DH and DD2 have had holidays away without my DSS before, just like we had plenty with just him before DD was born. We make sure it isn’t somewhere he would love to go and we make sure it falls at a time when he’s with his mum. I think it’s a bit grim of your DP to say he won’t holiday with you and your DD and that she should be left at home tbh. I understand the dad guilt and maybe your circumstances are different to ours but I know when I go away with DH, DSS and DD that it just ends up me looking after DD anyway because their age gap is so different, whereas on a holiday with just DH & DD, he is able to dedicate some time to her which I think is fair. I’d be happy for him to go just with DSS if he wanted to.

Yes this is exactly what happens. We’ve chosen an active camp site for the summer to suit SC so he’ll be out every day doing activities with them and I’ll be solo with DD, then we’ll be together for the evening until DD goes to bed and he stays out with SC.

OP posts:
Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 09/02/2026 09:55

So your SC get lots of holidays with both mum and dad, but your DD only gets one?

I don't see how that's fair either.

I would 100% go.

Original poster
HolidayOrNay · 09/02/2026 09:54

NemesisInferior · 09/02/2026 09:49

Things like holidays etc once you have kids, especially blended families are always a compromise. You should be able to spend time with your daughter without being guilt-tripped. OH and I take seperate breaks with each of our kids depending on timing or if it's stuff that not everyone wants to do.

Show quote history

I think he feels guilty because he’d like to take SC away individually too. Whilst I’m happy to support him having the occasional afternoon with one of them, I’m not up for solo parenting three whilst he takes one for a weekend away or something.

OP posts:
Original poster
HolidayOrNay · 09/02/2026 09:52

He wants us to holiday just us, without any DC. I want us to holiday as a three, but if he doesn’t want to, I’d rather go with just DD than just him!

OP posts:
Duejuly26 · 09/02/2026 09:51

Do your SC go away with their mum too? Me, DH and DD2 have had holidays away without my DSS before, just like we had plenty with just him before DD was born. We make sure it isn’t somewhere he would love to go and we make sure it falls at a time when he’s with his mum. I think it’s a bit grim of your DP to say he won’t holiday with you and your DD and that she should be left at home tbh. I understand the dad guilt and maybe your circumstances are different to ours but I know when I go away with DH, DSS and DD that it just ends up me looking after DD anyway because their age gap is so different, whereas on a holiday with just DH & DD, he is able to dedicate some time to her which I think is fair. I’d be happy for him to go just with DSS if he wanted to.

NarnianQueen · 09/02/2026 09:50

As his other kids go on holidays with their mum it’s absolutely fine for him to go away with you and your dd, and he needs to get over himself before she reaches the age where she’s aware that they get more holidays than she does!

BiscoffCheesecakes · 09/02/2026 09:50

But he hasn't said she can't come has he? So why would you be going away without her?
But no, YANBU to go away with just dd

NemesisInferior · 09/02/2026 09:49

HolidayOrNay · 09/02/2026 09:35

I think from DP’s perspective I should want to holiday alone with him, and it’s true that we don’t get enough time together. But I don’t want to leave DD for longer than necessary yet!

Show quote history

Things like holidays etc once you have kids, especially blended families are always a compromise. You should be able to spend time with your daughter without being guilt-tripped. OH and I take seperate breaks with each of our kids depending on timing or if it's stuff that not everyone wants to do.

Original poster
HolidayOrNay · 09/02/2026 09:47

sittingonabeach · 09/02/2026 09:42

@HolidayOrNay I am assuming DD is 2. Not sure I would find a holiday with a toddler relaxing, especially when solo parenting!

She’s good company!

It would also mean I could go to museums and art galleries without SC complaining through it, and have a coffee without it costing €50 to get cakes and drinks for everyone.

SC go on plenty of holidays with their mum too.

OP posts: