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AIBU?

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Original poster

To holiday alone with DD?

89 replies

HolidayOrNay · 09/02/2026 09:28

DP has three older children and we have DD2 together. This summer, we are going on a ten day holiday all together to a camp site in the South of France, but I also really fancy a more relaxing break.

DP has said he won’t go on holiday with DD unless SC are there too. I don’t want to go for a week without her. AIBU to go on holiday with DD instead of DP?

OP posts:
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Patchworkquilts · 11/02/2026 06:16

HolidayOrNay · 09/02/2026 15:40

You’ve got it!

I think it’s partly that he feels some dad guilt about going on holiday without SC, but mostly that he’d rather have a leisurely couples holiday, and is used to spending long periods away from SC so feels it’s the same with DD.

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Leisurely couples holiday???? Those stop when you become a parent.

OpenDenimMaker · 09/02/2026 21:09

I don't think you are being unreasonable, but I think it sounds like he wants some couple time which is fair enough. Could you suggest a long weekend at another time this year?

Moonlightfrog · 09/02/2026 20:33

It’s fine for you and dd to go alone.

When I was with dh I would take our 2 dc away alone. We had 3 SDC who holidayed a lot with their mum.

I found it relaxing taking 2 dc away alone, if anything it was easier without DH.

CharlieEffie · 09/02/2026 20:25

BiscoffCheesecakes · 09/02/2026 09:50

But he hasn't said she can't come has he? So why would you be going away without her?
But no, YANBU to go away with just dd

He has. He wont go without all SC going as well

Original poster
HolidayOrNay · 09/02/2026 15:40

Shitmonger · 09/02/2026 15:29

People are missing the point. Her husband wants to go on holiday with her alone and leave their 2 year old behind. He wants a couple’s holiday, not a holiday with all of his children which they are already doing at a different point in the year. OP does not want to be away from the 2 year old yet and would rather bring her. Her husband has now huffed that he won’t go somewhere without his other three kids because he wants a couple’s holiday and thinks this is a good way to get OP to agree. OP would rather holiday with just her toddler than with just him and asks if this is unreasonable.

Of course it’s not unreasonable. Take her and have a great time. Maybe the dolt will rethink trying to use his other children, that he only has 25% of the time, as leverage when he wants something his way. He’ll probably change his tune once he realises that you’re serious about leaving him behind but he might try sulking and stropping and ruining the trip. I’d just book for you and your daughter and go.

You’ve got it!

I think it’s partly that he feels some dad guilt about going on holiday without SC, but mostly that he’d rather have a leisurely couples holiday, and is used to spending long periods away from SC so feels it’s the same with DD.

OP posts:
Original poster
HolidayOrNay · 09/02/2026 15:34

sittingonabeach · 09/02/2026 15:03

@HolidayOrNay does he just do fun stuff with them like the theme park, other holidays, rather than every day parenting stuff like homework, cracking down on behaviour rather than letting them get away with stuff as doesn’t want to upset them. Who cooks their meals, their laundry when they are with dad?

He does homework, supervises showers, takes them to play dates and birthday parties and sports clubs, does bedtimes, nit checks, haircuts, toenail clipping, laundry, all the usual parental stuff! He doesn’t usually take them to the dentist or GP (their mum does) but otherwise he’s engaged.

OP posts:
Shitmonger · 09/02/2026 15:29

People are missing the point. Her husband wants to go on holiday with her alone and leave their 2 year old behind. He wants a couple’s holiday, not a holiday with all of his children which they are already doing at a different point in the year. OP does not want to be away from the 2 year old yet and would rather bring her. Her husband has now huffed that he won’t go somewhere without his other three kids because he wants a couple’s holiday and thinks this is a good way to get OP to agree. OP would rather holiday with just her toddler than with just him and asks if this is unreasonable.

Of course it’s not unreasonable. Take her and have a great time. Maybe the dolt will rethink trying to use his other children, that he only has 25% of the time, as leverage when he wants something his way. He’ll probably change his tune once he realises that you’re serious about leaving him behind but he might try sulking and stropping and ruining the trip. I’d just book for you and your daughter and go.

MajorProcrastination · 09/02/2026 15:05

HolidayOrNay · 09/02/2026 09:52

He wants us to holiday just us, without any DC. I want us to holiday as a three, but if he doesn’t want to, I’d rather go with just DD than just him!

OOOOhhhhhhh. Right. I thought from your original post that wanted to go with husband and 2 year old and leave the older two kids at home. This automatically made me go "UNREASONABLE!" But if it's between a couple's holiday and a holiday with kids that's different. I mean, I still wouldn't go on a holiday without my children when they were that age. We got married when ours were about 2 and 4 and we just went for a weekend somewhere for our honeymoon. Don't know how relaxing you'd find a holiday with just the 2 year old mind.

sittingonabeach · 09/02/2026 15:03

@HolidayOrNay does he just do fun stuff with them like the theme park, other holidays, rather than every day parenting stuff like homework, cracking down on behaviour rather than letting them get away with stuff as doesn’t want to upset them. Who cooks their meals, their laundry when they are with dad?

toodleoothen · 09/02/2026 15:00

HolidayOrNay · 09/02/2026 09:47

She’s good company!

It would also mean I could go to museums and art galleries without SC complaining through it, and have a coffee without it costing €50 to get cakes and drinks for everyone.

SC go on plenty of holidays with their mum too.

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I went on plenty of holiday with just my toddler and we both had a blast! While I appreciate your DP does not want to differentiate between his kids, they are not your kids, so you can. You should feel free to create bonding memories with your child!

Original poster
HolidayOrNay · 09/02/2026 15:00

Delatron · 09/02/2026 14:46

I think he is being unreasonable as the SC get plenty of holidays and are getting the theme park holiday without your DD.

Personally I wouldn’t have found a holiday with a toddler on my own relaxing or something I’d want to do. And I’d prefer to go away just for a few nights with DH. But that was my situation. I wonder if that’s where he is coming from? Because he can’t claim it’s unfair on SC.

I’m wondering if he just doesn’t fancy a holiday with a toddler.

Edited

I’m more than happy to go away with just DD, she’s great company and very easy!

I think he’d much prefer to go with just me. Because he’s used to spending long periods of time apart from SC, it wouldn’t upset him to be apart from DD. But when SC aren’t with him they’re still with a parent. I would miss her too much and I think she’d be really sad about it too.

OP posts:
Original poster
HolidayOrNay · 09/02/2026 14:55

sittingonabeach · 09/02/2026 14:47

@HolidayOrNay is he a bit of a Disney dad with his older children

How would you define that?

OP posts:
Original poster
HolidayOrNay · 09/02/2026 14:55

sittingonabeach · 09/02/2026 14:22

How come dad has them so little?

Because that’s what they and their mum want.

OP posts:
sittingonabeach · 09/02/2026 14:47

@HolidayOrNay is he a bit of a Disney dad with his older children

sharkstale · 09/02/2026 14:47

Yanbu and I've been on holiday with just my dd before. Spending time together 1-1 away from normal life is truly lovely.

CommonlyKnownAs · 09/02/2026 14:46

GoldDuster · 09/02/2026 14:30

...but they don't just evaporate when they're out of sight, they are your DH children 100% of the time and he's possibly feeling very conscious of his 25% input.

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Bit weird for that to manifest as wanting his other child to be left away from her parents for a week.

Delatron · 09/02/2026 14:46

I think he is being unreasonable as the SC get plenty of holidays and are getting the theme park holiday without your DD.

Personally I wouldn’t have found a holiday with a toddler on my own relaxing or something I’d want to do. And I’d prefer to go away just for a few nights with DH. But that was my situation. I wonder if that’s where he is coming from? Because he can’t claim it’s unfair on SC.

I’m wondering if he just doesn’t fancy a holiday with a toddler.

1Audhdmum · 09/02/2026 14:38

I think it's fine for you to go away without the SC.

It's a shame your dp feels too guilty to do things with his youngest child, while his older children are having time with their mum.

If you can afford to have another more slower paced little holiday as 3 people then he's the only one stopping that. I would absolutely go without him in this scenario.

GoldDuster · 09/02/2026 14:30

HolidayOrNay · 09/02/2026 14:19

If SC lived with us full-time, then I’d accept I wasn’t going to have a relaxing holiday. But they don’t. I am planning to have a relaxing holiday during the 75% of the year they live with their mum. Life doesn’t pause because they’re elsewhere.

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...but they don't just evaporate when they're out of sight, they are your DH children 100% of the time and he's possibly feeling very conscious of his 25% input.

sittingonabeach · 09/02/2026 14:22

How come dad has them so little?

Original poster
HolidayOrNay · 09/02/2026 14:19

GoldDuster · 09/02/2026 14:12

Every parent would like a relaxing holiday surely. Most parents aren't able to bring this to reality for various reasons, and those with four children in their lives are probably even less likely.

You said you wouldn't have chosen to have four children, yet you married and had a fourth with a man who had three and now you want a relaxing holiday?

In answer to your questions, should you go on holiday with DD, go for it, if you feel that a holiday solo parenting a 2yo is going to be relaxing.

If SC lived with us full-time, then I’d accept I wasn’t going to have a relaxing holiday. But they don’t. I am planning to have a relaxing holiday during the 75% of the year they live with their mum. Life doesn’t pause because they’re elsewhere.

OP posts:
GoldDuster · 09/02/2026 14:12

Every parent would like a relaxing holiday surely. Most parents aren't able to bring this to reality for various reasons, and those with four children in their lives are probably even less likely.

You said you wouldn't have chosen to have four children, yet you married and had a fourth with a man who had three and now you want a relaxing holiday?

In answer to your questions, should you go on holiday with DD, go for it, if you feel that a holiday solo parenting a 2yo is going to be relaxing.

Patchworkquilts · 09/02/2026 14:08

HolidayOrNay · 09/02/2026 10:24

And I forgot but DP is taking SC on a theme park long weekend that me and DD aren’t going on. Is that a problem, him taking some of his kids and not all of them?

Given the age of the kid you have together- no this is not weird. She would not be able to go on many rides.

But do you not see how he is being hypocritical by taking the SC on a trip (leaving his youngest child) and won’t go on a family holiday with just her and you?

Patchworkquilts · 09/02/2026 14:02

HolidayOrNay · 09/02/2026 09:35

I think from DP’s perspective I should want to holiday alone with him, and it’s true that we don’t get enough time together. But I don’t want to leave DD for longer than necessary yet!

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If he wants to holiday without his children he should have kept his dick zipped up and not created 4 kids.

Loadsapandas · 09/02/2026 13:35

@HolidayOrNay , that’s understandable for a theme park.

Holiday is probably a bit different as it can be arranged to be suitable for all, it’s just that you (understandably) do not want the other 3 kids on the holiday.

However DH (understandably) does not want to leave his DC out of a family event they could enjoy.

Is DH happy for you and DD to go alone? I think that’s probably best option. It’s what I would do.