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AIBU?

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Original poster

Dummy at 8?

90 replies

Sockmate · 09/02/2026 09:19

Niece has a dummy, dipped in honey several times a day, probably around 20, then all night. No SEN. Sister says its 'just a cute little part of her'. I hugely disagree, so damaging for her teeth. Speech is affected already. She is doing poorly at school, lowest grades in class, getting learning support, has missed a lot of school due to asthma. I made the point last week the dummy probably isnt helping. Child has constant cough with antibiotics/steroids, round after round. I'm baffled that she thinks this is ok. I know a lot of children go beyond the recommended 1 to 2 years but this is taking the piss!!! Also the dummy's are changed maybe once a year if that 🤢🤢 response I got was its doing no harm and she personally knows older kids than hers that have dummies 🙄

Is it just a case of you cant argue with stupid? Concerned for my little niece. AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
Sockmate · 09/02/2026 09:43

Fodencat · 09/02/2026 09:41

I knew someone many years ago who used to give the kid a bottle of neat squash to get them to go to sleep. Think the teeth went black.

Omg neat squash?? How would child even stomach that? 🤢🤢

OP posts:
BauhausOfEliott · 09/02/2026 09:42

Sockmate · 09/02/2026 09:31

Tbh I agree. I think its infantalising a child. She is not far off high school! I think its for my sisters benefit. She likes to use baby language too to both kids. Do you want to pee pee? Do you want a biccy/dinky (drink) etc
Constantly tells people niece is tiny for her age. She's really not, petite but about average height.

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It is absolutely infantilising. She doesn’t want her child to grow up and it’s weird.

People are derailing the thread by debating whether the kid might have SEN but it’s irrelevant. It would be inappropriate to give a dummy (especially dipped in honey) to an eight-year-old whether she has SEN or not.

Original poster
Sockmate · 09/02/2026 09:41

Watchoutfortheslowaraf · 09/02/2026 09:36

Whether she has SEN or not, a dummy dipped in honey 20 times a day is really really damaging for teeth and should absolutely be stopped.

Agreed and if she gets upset they reach for it, rather than discussing with her whats upset her and talking it through. I'm just concerned if friends find out she will get hugely bullied. Its put out of sight for play dates etc at her request so she's aware herself its not 'normal'

OP posts:
Lovelynames123 · 09/02/2026 09:41

To be honest I feel like the honey 20 times a day is worse than the actual dummy. I sucked my thumb until I was 13😳 and it didn't really affect my teeth

SunSparkle · 09/02/2026 09:41

Oh this isn’t normal and the honey is atrocious tbh.

can your mum and dad have a word with her? What about your BIL?

Fodencat · 09/02/2026 09:41

I knew someone many years ago who used to give the kid a bottle of neat squash to get them to go to sleep. Think the teeth went black.

Original poster
Sockmate · 09/02/2026 09:38

Ponoka7 · 09/02/2026 09:27

So it runs in the family? You do know how easily, compliant girls can be un or misdiagnosed?

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Completely as this was the case for another child in wider family.

The learning support is due to having missed entire chapters of maths for example due to absenteeism. I suppose its more 'catching her up ' as opposed to actual LS

OP posts:
Watchoutfortheslowaraf · 09/02/2026 09:36

Whether she has SEN or not, a dummy dipped in honey 20 times a day is really really damaging for teeth and should absolutely be stopped.

Original poster
Sockmate · 09/02/2026 09:31

NeedSlippersNow · 09/02/2026 09:26

This is abusive in my opinion. It’s very strange and unusual. Is the school aware? Could be taken as part of the bigger picture. I’d get in touch with the safeguarding lead there.
Are there any other safeguarding concerns?

Tbh I agree. I think its infantalising a child. She is not far off high school! I think its for my sisters benefit. She likes to use baby language too to both kids. Do you want to pee pee? Do you want a biccy/dinky (drink) etc
Constantly tells people niece is tiny for her age. She's really not, petite but about average height.

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 09/02/2026 09:27

Sockmate · 09/02/2026 09:26

I have 2 x SEN children myself. She was actually assessed as her brother does. Learning support is due to missing 40 plus days instead year...

Show quote history

So it runs in the family? You do know how easily, compliant girls can be un or misdiagnosed?

elliejjtiny · 09/02/2026 09:27

I don't see what the cough/asthma has to do with the dummy unless she is sharing the dummy with people who have colds. Also if she is getting learning support then she doesn't have no SEN.

It's not great for an 8 year old to have a dummy, especially with honey on it. If you were the mum i would suggest those chewy necklace things instead but as her aunt then I don't think there is anything you can do really.

Ponoka7 · 09/02/2026 09:26

She has SN and children who do are more prone to chest infections and the rest of what you've put in your post. With their being see how issues, has Autism been suggested by the school? What is the school like for SEN referrals?

Original poster
Sockmate · 09/02/2026 09:26

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I have 2 x SEN children myself. She was actually assessed as her brother does. Learning support is due to missing 40 plus days instead year...

OP posts:
NeedSlippersNow · 09/02/2026 09:26

This is abusive in my opinion. It’s very strange and unusual. Is the school aware? Could be taken as part of the bigger picture. I’d get in touch with the safeguarding lead there.
Are there any other safeguarding concerns?

Todayuneed · 09/02/2026 09:23

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