Dummy at 8?

PP’s have stated how dummy use increases respiratory infections and issues. Even if the kid is SEN, giving them a dummy dipped in honey multiple times a day is still bad parenting. It might be the easiest way to parent, but doing things that actively hamper your children’s health and development is not the right thing to do, SEN or no SEN.

You know for a fact that this child does not have SEN / it is because she missed school and your qualification to make this assessment is you have two children with SEN?

There's a lot going on here and you've lumped it all in together:

• No, your niece should not have a dummy at 8, especially dipped in honey.
• The liklihood it would reach a social services thresholds is small unless her teeth were rotten and her family really never took her to a dentist.
• You have no way of knowing whether or not your niece has SEN. It's not a case of she was "assessed" for it and decided no SEN, assessed for what? All SEN known to humankind? Assessments are also not infallible.
• You have no way of knowing whether any learning problems are down to missed school or SEN. It is a very complex thing to tease out.
• I can't see how asthma would be related to dummy use.
• Asthma, chronic illness and repeated infections are likely driving missed school, in which case, missing school is not a failure. These things are also more likely to be linked to SEN than dummy use.
• Lots of SEN is hereditary, you've admitted yourself it "runs in the family" and yet somehow have decided your niece definitely doesn't have SEN?
• If your niece really has no SEN, the dummy is almost certainly going to stop. I cannot imagine any neurotypical school child taking a dummy on sleepovers, or using a dummy as a teenager for example.

Edit to say: dummy use, especially dipped in honey, at 8 for a broadly mainstream ability child is really bad though.

I would not be biting my tongue if my sister was treating my niece like this.

Yes this is true, my step daughter has been told she will not get braces (which she needs) I'd she doesn't stop sucking her fingers.

Op I feel like this is some sort of neglect, it's not just infantilism but she's being affected physically too. I don't actually know what you can do about it though unfortunately.

Yes its rare even in SEN schools past the age of 6 or 7
My son loved his dummy and o though we would never get it off him
He threw it across the room one night and that was that
Obviously thats just anecdotal.

I would be contacting social services or the safeguarding lead at her school myself about this. This is straightforward neglect unfortunately.

Oh FFS it's ALWAYS suggested SEN. Every single time.

OP, a dummy dipped in honey 20 times a day is not normal or good.

Have you ever spoken to your niece about her dummy? At 8, she'd be able to have a decent conversation about things.

I don't mean in a way to shame her, but just a general conversation about it.

I worked for a while in a Sen school and it’s not something I’ve ever seen, with a range of disabilities i still haven’t seen a child older than 6ish use a dummy. My little one loved his dummy and was a nightmare to get it from but he was fine once the initial few days were over.

The honey is so bad. @Sockmate is your sister a bit thick?

Speaking as the parent off a severely autistic teenager and somone who sucked my thumb until I was nine
A manky dummy dipped in honey several times a day is not good parenting if she has sensory issues there are better ways to manage these.

There you go. Her sister did it with her kids as well.

She also won't get any orthodontics on the NHS in the future. I was told that prolonged use of dummies or even thumb sucking meant that they did not have to provide free treatment.

Dummy use over age of 12 months is associated with more frequent coughs and colds, partly due to dummy being a bacteria breeding ground, but also as prolonged dummy use can change how a child breaths, reduces how much a child sneezes which is natural mechanism to expel bacteria, dries out nasal cavities which removes another natural protective barrier. Teeth are likely to be in poor condition and this bacteria can track to the ear and throat causing infections.

Maybe you should talk about that to your sister? At 8 every child needs to have been to the dentist quite often.

I find that really unsettling OP.
I'm not sure there is much you can do other than get some hard facts and speak to your sister.

I was going to start defending the dummy because one of my autistic dc used it until 7. But this is batshit! And putting honey on it so gets sugar all the time! Her teeth must be decaying. It sounds like the mum has MH problems and wants to keep her daughter from growing up.

A dummy on an 8 year old is scandalous, even before the addition of honey (WTF?). Your niece's mouth muscles, airways and dentition are all likely to be severely damaged by this, and of course her speech development will be impaired.

Does your sister take your DN to the dentist?

Her teeth will rot. Has the school not called social services?