Dummy at 8?

I would maybe mention it anonymously to school or SS for early help. If she never researches anything, she might need help to look after the kids properly and realise she is supposed to do homework with them etc.
The dummy and infantilising, if extreme, can be abusive. It was mentioned very briefly when I did a safeguarding course, along the lines of, but not as serious as, Munchausen's by proxy. It can affect physical and social development but it must've been going on for years at this point and not a new thing?

Get your sister to watch the episode of Bluey where Muffin sucks her thumb ('Muffincone')

You need to report the honey on the teeth constantly.
It is neglect. If you over look the dummy dipping, you are also at fault.

Niece needs to see a dentist. Niece needs to have help in giivng up dummy.

Some SEN might. My autistic 7 year old was highly attached to his dummy (for sleeping/when sad/upset). And I'm on the anti-dummy team- said my kids would never have them. When I ended up having to put my finger in the baby's mouth during hours because the sucking was the only thing that soothed him I caved in. Lots of autistic kids tend to need to suck/bite to selfsoothe. That being said it's not something that should be given a child just because he's SEN- it's given because there is a need for it.

SEN equals a dummy? Most bizarre. YANBU she’s ruining her teeth - end of. She sounds like she wants to keep her as a baby to me.

I’d report it, she sounds mentally unwell.

Whilst I don't agree with it, it's not making her unwell with asthma and coughs.
More than anything, it's the dipping it in honey! Why??

People keep mentioning the dentist. I’m pretty sure OP said she’d never seen a dentist.

Sounds like the mother has MH problems.

I had a dummy all the way to the start of primary school and I wish my mother had tackled it. I have an overbite/overjet.

At age 8 with no severe SEN needs (which I cant comment on, as no experience).
My own DD is ASD but not severe, loved her dummy and it was hard to come off it at 18months as it was starting to affect her speech.
I have ASD as well and sill thumb suck in private.

Im wondering if your niece sees a dentist regularly. As the impact for fer teeth could be huge, or a speech and language therapist.

I would also wonder if its mum keeping her on the dummy, or the child as it sounds like shes embarrassed by it, dose she want to come off it and needs support. Has niece been told or able to understand the risk of having one at 8, and tje honey on her teeth? Do school know she has one.

Would it be seen as neglect if mum is knowingly damaging her teeth and delaying her speech? I'm not sure. The honey concerns me the most. Mabey its something that mum and Niece could get support in.

Can you report it to the safeguarding lead at the school? She must already be on their radar with all the absences so this will be another piece of the picture hopefully for intervention.

Does your sister have learning difficulties herself? Never read a book..

Some people should not be parents. Your sister is one of those people.

No no no. I had a dummy till I was about 7. Mum just never made any move for me to give it up. I wish she had!!

£5k on a brace privately in my early 20s and a further run of £2k of Invisalign a couple of years ago. And my teeth still aren’t exactly how I’d like them to be!!

For that reason - DS had a dummy only till his teeth came through and DD didn’t have one at all. Both still need braces for overcrowding but they don’t have any other dental misalignment

This is neglect. You should contact the school’s safeguarding lead.

OP is right that it's a health risk. Just think about what putting sugary sticky substance on a dummy is going to: bacteria is going to proliferate around the base of the dummy and in cracks that form in the main part as it ages. It's no wonder she's been getting sick all the time. And there'll be a negative loop, with the antibiotics lowering her immune system further. Repeat antibiotics use is even linked to asthma.

Someone needs to tell the parents that it's not a cute habit, it's actually hurting their child.

How often does she visit the dentist? What do her teeth look like?

I'd imagine it would deform the growth of teeth and jaw as well as cause decay with the honey.

If she admitted this to a GP or dentist or any health professional I wouldn't be surprised if they felt the family need SS support.

And the child could easily be SEN but misdiagnosed. Or the mum is in denial so won't have it investigated properly. It sounds almost neglectful.

sen is a red herring. Completely not relevant. Even in specialist provisions of the most challenging, complex or disabled of children not a single one should be having a honey dummy and certainly not at this child’s age.

Op I’ve met a few parents in my job who treat their children (always daughters) like objects. Dressing them as babies in clothes akin to christening gowns or similar and these babies have no strength to lift their heads or have flat head syndrome because they’re just left to look like dolls. And those parents have always been limited intellectually. It’s why I asked was DS a bit thick. I think you should report anonymously but don’t expect fuck all to happen. I reported some pretty serious negligence of a family locally and they were already involved with them and nothing has happened. SS really cant deal with negligence when there are so many cases of abuse.
SS involvement however might shock your sister into stop doing such stupid and dangerous shit with her DDs teeth.

Yes. My children, like yours, are severely disabled and don't use dummies.

However, I know a severely learning disabled child who does use a dummy at 9. He has extremely challenging behaviour and won't accept substitute sensory items. It's not always as easy as just finding a substitute. My child has severe pica and we've tried everything but haven't been able to stop this behaviour/ meet whatever needs he has for this. Severely disabled children are all different so these days I rarely say "I would never do xyz".

In this case the SEN (or not SEN) is probably irrelevant to the dummy, I'm not sure it should have been brought up.

In that scenario I would be making an anonymous report to social services/ the school. If you think her mental health is poor enough that she is behaving in ways that are damaging to the children then they all deserve support and you're doing nobody any favours by keeping her secrets.

By that age they should be at the dentist, attending school, dummy free never mind the teeth rotting issues. It's neglect op. And it's a clear safeguarding issue.

I had a cousin like this when I was growing up and she’s the reason I didn’t give my kids dummies. I remember her mum really struggled to break the habit and also had to get her teeth fixed which was a nightmare. She’s fine now but she still has issues with her speech. I know my aunt had a hard time and her (now ex) husband was a proper loser as well and didn’t help.

I think you’re right to be worried about your niece. If you think your sister has mental health issues you should try and get her help, but first port of call get that child to a dentist asap.

I dont know if this could work?
Could you create a story, like you were chatting to a mum in a shop and she mentioned trying to get her baby weaned off the dummy because of the link to ear infections, asthma, allergies. I was worried for DNiece and i knew you would be too DS, so looked into it for you and i found:

https://www.nct.org.uk/information/baby-toddler/caring-for-your-baby-or-toddler/dummies-pros-and-cons-your-dummy-questions-answered

Using honey
https://healthforunder5s.co.uk/

Position of adult teeth affected:
https://www.orthodonticcentre.co.uk/patient-guides_dummy-and-thumb-sucking-habits/#:~:text=What%20can%20my%20dentist/orthodontist,thumb%20or%20finger%20sucking%20habit?

Its bad for any child
There are better ways to meet sensory needs

I said dummy use at 8 is not good. "Associated with" colds is not really evidence that this dummy is causing this child's asthma.

I just think the "no SEN" thing that gets so casually anf confidently declared on Mumsnet all the time is staggeringly arrogant. I almost wish SEN hadn't been brought into it, especially in this case where it's (almost) irrelevant to the honey dummy use at 8. Those of us with severely disabled children still wouldn't do that.