Do people just not ring each other any more, is this normal?

Maybe they’re on a train or something? I hate speaking on the phone in public, but could easily reply to a message.

I used to spend hours on the phone when younger but I increasingly find it draining nowadays.

Its partly because my job involves being on the phone for a large amount of the day so being on the phone in my free time is the last thing I want to do.

I am also just very busy and a phone call is just another thing to have to fit in. I spend my days constantly juggling other people’s needs and I crave time undisturbed when I can not be bombarded with other people and their opinions and beliefs and day to day stresses. Maybe that makes me selfish but that’s how I feel.

You can create ‘focus’ where you can choose the sort of notifications you get. I have ones for work, personal time, complete withdrawal… you can still see the notification if you choose to, but the phone won’t interrupt what you’re doing. I allow certain contacts to alert me and block everyone else.

I disagree that messaging means we don’t value human contact. I find it much easier to send little messages which keep connection without needing an uninterrupted block of time (I have relatives I can’t see often, some of whom live overseas in other time zones). And when I do have time to see someone in person, I do! I love meeting people for coffee, a walk, a catch-up. I find it hard to do that on the phone. I do schedule calls with people but I don’t like people ringing for a chat at random times because I’m not usually in the right headspace for it. Then I have to say look, sorry, I am doing stuff and I can’t have this conversation right now and the person will be hurt or feel rejected.

There are a lot of demands on our attention and life can feel pretty draining. I think in person meetings mean I can give my full attention to the person I’m with, no household jobs taking my attention away and no thoughts of stuff I need to get on with distracting me.

In 70's now as is most of my friendship group, WhatsApp all the way now.

I use text and WhatsApp however at times a pbonecall is easier and qhicker. It drives me crazy when I call our children and they dont pick up yet can respond to a text..

I dont mind texting or WhatsApp but sometimes a phonecall is needed. I have been known to be that mum who goes "you know that phone can make phonecalls right?"

Exactly this. There are plenty of occasions I can think of where I have 5 mins to scroll my phone but it wouldn’t be appropriate to have a phone call in that same 5 mins.
Also I am very rarely alone. I’m at work all day, then at least one of my three children will be in the room with me in the evening. One is disabled and basically glued to my side. So unless I want to have phone conversations in the ear shot of someone else, it’s easier to message.

I mostly prefer WhatsApp, and like others have a group chat of friends that it would be impossible to keep up to date with otherwise. Through that chat we have supported each other through bereavements, divorce, and teenagers! I couldn’t speak to all 6 of them t once. I don’t think I lack connection with them. They’ve been there with me for the highs and lows of my life for 17+ years.

I have a couple of friends I do speak on phone to, as well as my mum. But for general life, I’m not a fan of the phone.

Not necessarily. They might be out and about where texting silently is acceptable, but conversation above background noise is anti-social.

They might be "talked out" at the end of the day but still have energy for text based communication.

They might have little pockets of time that don't align with their friends/ family.

I miss it too op. Use to talk to my friends/bf for hours on the phone. Now it’s mostly WhatsApp and it’s not the same. You don’t connect/open up/ share in the same way at all. I think it distances people and makes relationships more surface level

Voice notes are awful. You get to listen to someone waffle on, all the pauses and white space. Thank heavens for the ability to remove that, and speed up the message.

Even text is better than voice notes as the transmitter gets to the point faster.

I am still with @Gurolou in preferring to actually speak to another person though.

I love messaging.

I’m 48 and we’ve been texting for what? 25 years? I can remember when it was expensive!

I’m in my sixties and if my friends ring me I assume something dreadful has happened.

I much prefer messaging.

Well for one thing it reinforces in and out groups. Younger people are constantly obsessing about who is in or out of the group chat. It's unhealthy and drives a lot of anxiety.

Voice notes seem so old fashioned to me

a but like keep calling the landline answer machine

I can talk on the phone via Whatsapp for 2 hours at a time.. But these are planned catch-ups, rather than 10 minutes grabbed here and there.

I don't find it incredibly depressing, I just think these smart phones have made us constantly contactable, unlike when I was growing up in the 90s.. So messaging via the various platforms we are on, facilitates contact rather than impedes it. I 'chat' to friends daily this way, a brief hello and check-in after the weekend, an exchange of photos etc. I feel far more connected tbh.

I prefer a WA that is asking me a quick question, over a call which might not be convenient to answer. We have simply adapted to the times where sending a quick message or VN expedites communication

I do connect properly… face to face. I am very lucky to have lots of friends nearby and I see them very regularly. Why would a phone call beat that?

I have 2 friends I still ring, and I ring my mum and eldest son, but some friends who I regularly rang, now just text. Which is easier as I do struggle to find the time (or motivation) for regular calls. One friend who is quite needy and conversation all one sides to her problems wants a 90 min call every weekend. I am in the office all week and on weekend I just want to chill out.

Oh, I forgot to say that I see my local friends weekly, which we arrange via messages. I also arrange longer catch-ups and visits with my further-flung friends, with catch-ups mostly by message, but sometimes via video call or phone. I'm definitely socially connected, and it works for me in a way that phone calls alone never did.

I call my mum all the time to chat, but she's the only one I actually phone. My friends and I have a much better using Discord, a messaging app, where we can talk about multiple topics or go off on tangents in our conversation channels without it all being in one single stream of messages.

My friends and I are all neurodiverse and I for one find phone calls to be really intimidating when I'm not expecting them, as it feels like I suddenly have to perform in a way that I don't while messaging. With messages, I can also adjust my notifications if need be so that only urgent texts show up, meaning I don't feel like I have to be constantly available. If someone phones and I miss it for whatever reason, I'll be thinking about it non-stop until I can finally get it out of the way and call back, which makes talking to people feel like a chore or something I'd rather avoid.

Something I do enjoy is scheduled voice chats with my friends, usually for a gaming session or just to hang out as a group if we can't see each other in person. We did this a lot during the lockdowns, using Discord so we could share screens and either show each other various things, play games like Pictionary, or even watch films and TV shows together. That's great fun, and considering that I guess I really don't mind a call as long as I know it's coming! It's the unexpected calls that throw me off.

Wonderfully summed up.

I'm 66 and still talk to a few people on my phone. Given that we talk for half an hour to over an hour texting would be a bit silly!

I speak to my dad on the phone and son. Phone is good if you want to type more than a couple of sentences and discuss or arrange something. Sibs and friends mainly whatsapp. Even son it’s short messages and 3-4 weekly phone call. My phone calls are rarely more than 20 min. I hate people who just talk at you for hours and pretend it’s a conversation

I connect with people just fine - in person.

I get phone calls but they seem to inconvenience me more! I like to take phone calls private and I'm usually with people whereas a text I can quickly answer.

Ooh maybe Im getting confused… I thought the YABU meant they thought OP was unreasonable for liking phone calls? Judging by the comments it’s seems most people prefer texting anyway?
Definitely the people who don’t like phone calls are pretty angry about the very idea of phone conversations!
Interestingly my Gen Z kids talk to their friends all the time online ( verbally) via some app or other but my 78 year old mother would only ever text anyone so it’s not an age thing in my experience.