Do people just not ring each other any more, is this normal?

Well, back in my really rather lonely teenage years spent in a village where none of my friends lived, with barely any public transport and parents reluctant to give lifts, ‘real-time chat’ was limited to the school day or a telephone conversation in the hallway after 6pm (but definitely not for too long), with the entire family listening in. The conversation had a beginning and end, then you were alone (and often lonely) again. Now, young people’s chat via voice notes can be continuous and open-ended: you can say what you want to say at any time, and the conversation partner listens when they can and responds whenever it’s convenient. You can hear their tone of voice and replay the message if you don’t catch something. You can communicate 1-1 or in groups, wherever everyone is in the world, and keep in touch without having to set aside time specifically to talk to one person at a time. It’s conversation on another level and I think it’s great!

I never answer video calls... and everyone who knows me wouldn't bother to make one ti me 😁😅
The people I have long chats to know me very well and my usual routine anyway so no voice messages necessary 😊

I always make an appointment to talk on the phone 😂 except with my mum, but that’s because she’s old and always around. People are busy. I’m busy! I won’t waste anyone’s time with endless voicemail tag and then truncated chat because you only have 7 minutes. I and my friends always make an appointment and then we can talk for an hour totally undisturbed and not distracted. It’s proper time spent with each other, not mindless talking for the sake of it. We also basically make mental agendas to make sure we keep things moving along and cover all bases!

AND, these phone calls are ALWAYS video calls. I think I’ve forgotten how to chat to just a voice. You don’t know when or whether to interrupt - there’s so much more communication when you can see a face. i think this could also be down to how different people’s minds work. Some people can’t picture things, some people can’t not picture things.

I use WhatsApp and texts to make arrangements to see people in person for a proper chat! I speak occasionally on the phone to a couple of my oldest friends who live a fair distance away and I hardly ever see, and to family, if there are involved arrangements to discuss for get-togethers etc. Otherwise I love the convenience of messaging.

I'm with you OP. Love to catch-up on the phone but I'm also happy to have an ongoing long WhatsApp conversation but I hate very looooonnnng WhatsApp messages🙄. I have a friend who sends me these, covering multiple topics and no way do I reply straight away... I have to get my head around the long message first 🤯.
I also hate that since Covid some people make an appointment to call you. What happened to just picking up the phone and ringing 🤔 🤦🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️ People I'm closest to still chat on phone, sometimes for up to couple of hours 🙃 🙂

How much free time do you have that you can spend hours on the phone chatting?

If you have less than 1hr per day to yourself, as a lot of working people with caring responsibilities do, you might understand that this is the way a lot of people feel. In their shoes this is not, in fact, insane.

I never answer a call. Except from a handful of people. I don’t want to be put on the spot or a request for anything.

I think we've definitely lost the art of conversation!

I'm afraid I'm guilty of this too.

Hate talking on the phone. The only person I’m willing to do this with is my Gran because she can’t text. I just find it so disruptive. A text I can send and leave then reply when it suits. I hate voice notes too which Gen Z seem keen on.

So maybe this is a sign that we need to practice the art of conversation, so people don't just get 'talked at' or feel that they can't say what they need to without having to interrupt. Just a thought :)

And I find that difficult/awkward/delicate conversations are always best done on the phone rather than text, or even better (much better) done face to face.

Given that we live at least two hours drive from our close friends and any family, if it weren't for the phone/Zoom, we'd never speak to anyone except our local acquaintances. Who are lovely, but not close.

It’s not nasty at all.
I find phone calls quite inconvenient and rude.
I visit my mum and enjoy face to face to face time, our phones occasionally Bing with a text and we ignore it. She has friends who call her and despite her saying she’s got visitors some friends still say ‘oh I won’t be long, then rattle in for 20 minutes!’ One friend calls her twice a day and speaks for ages preventing her from doing anything else!
If my phone rings I screen the calls, it’s not rude, it’s time management. If I’m driving I only answer calls from DD’s school.
when my mum calls I only answer if I’m able to talk … otherwise I’ll text 5 mins later and just ask if all is ok, and usually it’s met with a ‘yes all ok just wanted to ask you xxx… but I know if I’d answered the call would’ve been a minimum of half hour just to ask that one thing… and then I’d have heard what all her friends (who I don’t know) are doing…
However I do see friends and family regularly and have proper catch-ups, which are organised via text.
My nan is almost 100 so always used to call her, but she can’t hear on the phone anymore anyway so it’s in person only now.

in your shoes I’d except people don’t like talking on the phone and instead text and arrange to meet up.

I’ve found texting so convenient for keeping in touch with people who you otherwise wouldn’t.

During Covid I text everyone weekly and checked in that they were ok. I wouldn’t have had time to call everyone !

I tell people they can call to tell me something, or ask me something, but they cannot call just to chat.

How can it be inefficient to respond to people when it is convenient for you?

someone sends me a message when it’s convenient to them and I reply when it’s convenient to me.

a phone call is literally your phone shouting “speak to me, stop what you’re doing and speak to me” regardless of actual urgency.

@Gurolou why are you making out that this is a new thing?! I used to call people for a chat when I lived alone in my twenties. I’m nearly fifty and much prefer to text that call.

Turkle published a sociological study on this in 2011!!!! Even then it wasn’t new. Look it up, it’s called Alone Together and explains exactly why this has happened. She also did a brilliant Ted Talk on the same topic. I stopped using it in my A level teaching because it was getting a bit dated by 2022….

So why the false surprise?!

But then you're just deferring it to later. I think this comes down to free time.
With job, commute, chores, children, being pulled out for twenty minutes just to chat about nothing is a lot and disruptive. Especially if you've got more than one person expecting it of you. I also find that people who call just to chat tend to be a bit oblivious to social cues on ending it.
You'll say 'can't chat now' and they'll say 'oh of course, but quick question' and you'll spend the next half hour trying to politely get off the phone without hanging up in their face.
This is why I prefer face to face. For connecting, it is far better to spend my limited free time actually seeing someone in person and having a proper catch up. And when I do call people, I usually do a video call and mske sure its a good time for it.

I think I'm confused with people saying they enjoy meeting friends real time face to face to chat but don't do real time chats on the phone or video if he friends are too far away to meet frequently. 🤔

You can also silence a normal call. Or, you answer and say, sorry Julie, can't talk right now, will call you later.

Surely the phone ringing and having to talk about mindless rubbish for 20 minutes is more of an interruption tha a ping which you can silence and answer when you have time?

100% prefer texting and WhatsApp. I can say what I want to say without interruption and also think about what I’m saying.
if I’ve got a spare hour I call my mum as she waffles and I get stuck on the phone with her often talking at me … if I have something I need to say I message her. Or send her a voice note.

Maybe me being dim but how does that trump an in real time chat?

Nobody is forced to spend an hour on the phone.
Say ,'I'm sorry, I can't chat now', 'I don't like talking on the phone, I'll text/email/WhatsApp you'.

The other side of that is why should those who dislike texting and WhatsApp have to. Communicate with you that way?

THAT is why I say sometimes we have to do things that makes us uncomfortable. Not everytime but sometimes

So at times you make that uncomfortable call and at.times they make that uncomfortable text/WhatsApp. 50/50. Aka compromises

Also the few times I personally phone ita because I need something quickly worked out we are max on the pbone 5 mins especially if I know its not their preferred method of communicating.. doesnt change the fact its mine. Thankfully my family and friends are Resonable people who meet me half way.

If they call at an inconvenient time tell them that promise to call back when it suits your timimg. And make that uncomfortable call. Then next time they can text. Providing they are able to do so (got a eldery friend who struggles I call him.as.does his friends)

I don’t think that’s true at all. Young people exchange voice notes, play them back at 1.5 or even 2x speed, and carry on multiple conversations simultaneously!

I really worry that humanity is becoming so insular. Working from home with no person to person contact, texting instead of actually speaking to one another. I feel it is going to end up with everyone in their own little world, not saying a cheery good morning to people you pass in the street, no one making eye contact, everyone in their own bubble, not speaking

Don't get me wrong. I text or email someone if I know they are busy so they can just answer when convenient, but it has gone so much the other way.

When I was working I used to get very nervous about phoning people, especially if it was one of our overseas offices and I was not sure if I would understand them or they would understand me. However, you just have to be an adult and get on with it. Too much pandering to anxiety these days. So many people just need to grow up and not expect someone else to do the difficult bits.