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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have a male babysitter?

31 replies

openingact · 08/02/2026 20:30

We’ve known Tom (17) since he was about he was 4/5.

He’s my dsd’s best friend, he’s regularly at our house, he’s slept over loads and has been on days out with us. We like Tom, dc do too and he’s great with them.

Dsd is our usual babysitter, when looking after dc before Tom has occasionally stayed round to hang out with her/help cook dinner etc.

We had plans for next weekend which would include not getting home till about midnight. Dsd due to babysit but has had another opportunity come up so she asked Tom, he said yes and we said okay great.

3 dc 5,7 and 11.

Friends who we have plans with have questioned this plan and said they wouldn’t take the risk, one friend has said why don’t we use her babysitter instead (who is only 14 and neither us or dc have ever met)

Interested in what others think.

Would we be unreasonable to have a male babysitter ?

OP posts:
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ErinBell01 · 01/03/2026 00:08

Mauve1 · 08/02/2026 20:39

I wouldn't hire a male stranger as a babysitter, but someone you know well and trust sounds fine to me.

See my post - our friends knew the boy babysitter well, he'd babysat for their two boys on a number of occasions, but he sexually abused my daughter. Abusers don't advertise it!

ErinBell01 · 01/03/2026 00:06

Shoemadlady · 08/02/2026 20:35

Why are they saying don’t risk it? Because he’s male so insinuating all men are abusers? Ridiculous

Of course not all males are abusers, but 90% of abuse is carried out by males. Safeguarding says don't take the risk and if that means that some good males are stopped from doing some things then that is unfortunate, but necessary for safety of children and females.

ErinBell01 · 01/03/2026 00:02

openingact · 08/02/2026 20:30

We’ve known Tom (17) since he was about he was 4/5.

He’s my dsd’s best friend, he’s regularly at our house, he’s slept over loads and has been on days out with us. We like Tom, dc do too and he’s great with them.

Dsd is our usual babysitter, when looking after dc before Tom has occasionally stayed round to hang out with her/help cook dinner etc.

We had plans for next weekend which would include not getting home till about midnight. Dsd due to babysit but has had another opportunity come up so she asked Tom, he said yes and we said okay great.

3 dc 5,7 and 11.

Friends who we have plans with have questioned this plan and said they wouldn’t take the risk, one friend has said why don’t we use her babysitter instead (who is only 14 and neither us or dc have ever met)

Interested in what others think.

Would we be unreasonable to have a male babysitter ?

I'm afraid I'd say no, from experience. We went to stay with friends for the weekend, with our 2 yr old daughter and 4 year old son. Friends said they had a son of a friend to babysit and off we went to the pub. Got home later and checked on kids, son fast asleep but daughter awake with big eyes. Said that babysitter had put his 'willy' near her face and asked her to kiss it. She said 'That's not nice, is it?' I said 'No, it's not nice, I'll have a word with him' and she went to sleep and it was never mentioned again. I was extremely shocked and wasn't sure what to do but told my friend the next morning and she assured me her husband would speak to him and he'd never babysit again. Daughter has never mentioned it in the following 40+ years so I think I was right keeping it very low key and calm, but I often wonder if he did it again. In those days no one thought of involving the police.

Blondeshavemorefun · 09/02/2026 21:56

You and kids know like and trust him

so why wouldn’t you

Original poster
openingact · 09/02/2026 08:54

BringonSpringnowplease · 09/02/2026 07:12

Well the risk of him turning out to be an abuser is higher than with a female, I mean that's just a fact. Doesn't mean he will be there - it's just an increased risk.
Why has he slept over often, is he your dsd's boyfriend?

No, they are just friends

OP posts:
mumonthehill · 09/02/2026 07:17

We had neighbours with 2 dc and when their DD was old enough she babysat and then when she left home her brother then became our babysitter. We knew them well and both were great with dc. We trusted them so gender was not an issue.

BringonSpringnowplease · 09/02/2026 07:12

Well the risk of him turning out to be an abuser is higher than with a female, I mean that's just a fact. Doesn't mean he will be there - it's just an increased risk.
Why has he slept over often, is he your dsd's boyfriend?

TheBlueKoala · 09/02/2026 07:11

In your case where you know him and the children are older I would.

I would never ever hire a male babysitter I didn't know !

PurpleThistle7 · 09/02/2026 07:10

We have only used a babysitter a handful of times but hadn’t ever considered gender to be a consideration. My daughter is autistic so it’s always been difficult to leave her. The couple times we’ve managed were by hiring people from after school club which included men and women. My son was super happy when the guy came over as they’d play football (not that women can’t, it was just what this guy did a lot at ASC).

My parents were delighted to find a male babysitter in the 80s. Super rare then but he was a neighbour and a lovely guy and we had fun when he came over.

tilypu · 09/02/2026 07:07

Very few people define a 17 year old as a child. A 17 year old can legally drive, have sex, work full time, get married in two out of the four countries that make up the UK.

Yanbu op. Much better a known 17 year old than an unknown 14 year old, regardless of male/female.

explanationplease · 09/02/2026 06:59

I need my eyes checking; I was trying to understand why a 17 year old was your dad’s best friend.

JustAnotherWhinger · 09/02/2026 06:59

A 17 year old that you know and who knows your children is a far better bet than a 14 year old you don't.

Discounting a known option simply for being male would be ridiculous in that situation.

Summerbay23 · 09/02/2026 06:58

My son babysat for friends children. Think the children (always over 6+) found him good fun as he was always happy to play silly games and watch kids tv. If you know and trust him and his parents I’d say it’s fine and healthy.

Eenameenadeeka · 09/02/2026 06:47

I definitely think a 17y boy you've known a long time is the better option. I wouldn't use any 14 year old, let alone one I don't know. Plus your children are older too. I think it's fine.

tripleginandtonic · 08/02/2026 21:50

Simonjt · 08/02/2026 20:42

All our babysitters are men apart from grandma, we wouldn’t use Tom, purely because we aren’t comfortable with other children looking after our children.

He's 17, hardly a child

reversegear · 08/02/2026 21:49

Both my DS have babysat and we had a male aupair, whats the question?

mondaytosunday · 08/02/2026 21:47

Sounds ideal! Your kids know and like him. My son would be a great babysitter if anyone ever asked him.

stichguru · 08/02/2026 21:44

Better a male you know and trust than a female you don't,

rainbowsandraspberrygin · 08/02/2026 21:15

I think if you’ve known him that long and he’s already baby sat then it’s safe.

female babysitters can still invite male friends round FYI. So being female doesn’t mitigate all risks. Your kids are also older as someone said so can speak up should anything be amiss.

ShetlandishMum · 08/02/2026 21:04

Simonjt · 08/02/2026 21:00

17 year olds are children, people become adults at 18.

Show quote history

That's nice isn't it.

Simonjt · 08/02/2026 21:00

ShetlandishMum · 08/02/2026 20:46

He is 17. Not a child.

Show quote history

17 year olds are children, people become adults at 18.

Original poster
openingact · 08/02/2026 20:54

Mauve1 · 08/02/2026 20:39

I wouldn't hire a male stranger as a babysitter, but someone you know well and trust sounds fine to me.

Neither, if it had to be someone unknown I would pick unknown teenage girl vs an unknown teenage boy easily but in this case I think he’s the safer option.

OP posts:
FourSevenTwo · 08/02/2026 20:51

It's ok.
First thing, you know him.
Second point, your children are not small toddlers, the eldest is 11 years old.

It seems much better to have 17yo guy you know than 14yo girl you don't know.

Wildchild60s · 08/02/2026 20:48

When my children were little we paid a succession of friends' teenagers, neighbours' teenagers to babysit at various times. Two of these were male. It didn't ever occur to me that I was taking "a risk" when Matthew or Freddie babysat rather than Sophie or Hannah. Your friend is being ridiculous.

ShetlandishMum · 08/02/2026 20:46

Simonjt · 08/02/2026 20:42

All our babysitters are men apart from grandma, we wouldn’t use Tom, purely because we aren’t comfortable with other children looking after our children.

He is 17. Not a child.