Regret causing a scene in Aldi

Well none of us are infallible. It isn’t the crime of the century and by saying she’s bringing herself down to his level at least we are acknowledging that he was the one in the wrong to begin with.

So you taught your DD that it’s ok to inconvenience people in supermarkets, swear at them and generally be aggressive. Well done you!

@philandgrant2 You’ve lived a sheltered life if you truly believe all people are socialised to be nice and kind.

You mean a normal life.

And also if you think men don’t use size and strength to intimidate others (especially women).

I suggest you turn off your TV. The things you see on TV don't reflect real life.

I almost never watch TV.

No don’t regret what you said . Perhaps you shouldn’t have sworn but hey ho - he deserved it .

You can do that without swearing at the random man though. If you swear you just bring yourself to his level,

We don't have an Iceland where I live but I was in one twice the other week. I was taken by how nice everyone was in there - both staff and customers! Definitely a cut above Waitrose where the staff are up themselves and the customers - well they're just bland - neither rude nor polite.

It wasn’t a work situation. It was a supermarket situation. And it isn’t ‘cool’ to swear, we’re not 14. But sometimes in the right context it can be used to show that we are pissed off and not willing to take needless abuse from a random man.

Fuck him. He wouldn't speak like that to a man. You apologised. You really see just how much men loathe women when you challenge them. Good for you taking him on.

You’ve lived a sheltered life if you truly believe all people are socialised to be nice and kind. And also if you think men don’t use size and strength to intimidate others (especially women).

I object to swearing because it's unnecessary and in a work context very unprofessional.

Someone who can hold their own calmly and quietly does much better in life than those who run around f-ing and blinding.

MNers like to show how cool they are about swearing but in real life, I don't think they'd be so cool with it at all.

Oh you do, just more middle classed , entitled arseholes!

No it's not, you're right. And the op has repeatedly acknowledged it too.

When faced with an unexpected and unusual situation we can all react in ways that, on cooler reflection, we wish we hadn't. It'll be a learning experience for her.

You don't get this kind of thing going on in Waitrose.
You have both behaved appallingly.

Yes I agree. I wouldn't regret the standing up to him but I would regret the swearing. It brings you down to their level (and really isn't good in front of kids).

Agree with a pp that men expect women to be docile and get very offended when they are not. Remember, women are abrasive when they dare to have opinions. Men are assertive.

" Women and girls are socialised to be nice and kind"

This is an often quoted trope made famous by that Lindsay Lohan classic "nice and kind girls" 🤣

I adnire what you did OP. You set your daughter and excellent example by refusing to be bullied by some cunt of a man.

Slight side point, but those people who object wildly to their children hearing swear words - can I ask why? Swear words are part of life, they are commonly used, everyone is going to hear them in their lives. So why do you feel it's so damaging to your children to hear them below a certain age? I'm genuinely not trying to be shitty here, I have just never understood the obsession with this.

I never made any special effort to shield my daughter from hearing swear words, I just taught her when it was and wasn't appropriate to use them. And I never heard that she used them inappropriately. But she also grew up without a massive fear of them - someone swearing at her doesn't have the power to horrify or destabilise her - and I think that's a good thing.

They are just words. Albeit, words do have power. But these words don't actually injure children in and of themselves.

People have to nip away from the tills sometimes, maybe it turns out something is leaking, dented, needs to be swapped for whatever reason. You have to do it yourself these days due to lack of free staff, and the till attendant knew what OP was doing. The man could have used a different till, but he wanted to make a point.

@MassiveWordSalad I have seen men use their physical size and masculinity to intimidate and bully women on too many occasions to count. Women and girls are socialised to be nice and kind, so are easy targets if you want to make yourself feel big - if you’re a bullying misogynist. They’re not likely to send a 6’4” bodybuilder off close to tears and questioning his actions in this situation, so they don’t bother.

1. All people are socialised to be nice and kind.
2. I don't recall ever seeing a man using size, specifically, to intimidate someone else. That sounds really strange.
3. As I already said, men can, and do, get into arguments with much larger men. I already stated that size and build are irrelevant. If I'm pissed off at someone in a supermarket, what difference does it make if they're 5 inches smaller than me or 5 inches bigger?

Was it busy? If it was then you were unreasonable to leave the checkout in the first place. But never mind about that part of it.

You are right to regret your behaviour, it sounds like when you approached him and pointed your finger, the incident was already over by then. Not sure why you felt the need to go and re-start it. Especially in front of your child.

Blimey, society is going off to hell in a handcart if that's the way everyone is going to respond with the odd comment or nosey judgement when they're out and about. There are all sorts of reasons that people could be acting like that, alzheimers/dementia, mental health issues, on drugs or medication (or NOT taking their medication), people with extra needs and who have no filter, people who are just violent horrible people, AS WELL AS those who are "bullying men". You'd do well to teach your daughter about these possibilites, OP, and that it's not wise to escalate situations by reacting aggressively yourself as you don't know the person and why they are being like that.

As it was you ended up both in the wrong for having a slanging match in public in front of kids, and swearing, over nothing. Making it all suddenly turn very Jeremy Kyle with the potential for escalation and the staff having to get involved. Yes, it's embarrassing for you, and that's why you feel embarrassed.

I'm surprised at some of the responses here and assume they are younger, with less-developed social skills and assumption that all men who say anything like that in public must just be saying it because they are a bully trying to intimidate a woman. Yes, a meek apology in response, and rushing to finish, would have been the unassertive and weak way to deal with it that sort of interaction and yes, it would have let the man believe he was in the right and you were totally wrong whatever you were doing. But you CAN be assertive without being aggressive, and that's a skill that everyone needs to learn.

Just came on to post that ….

this wouldn’t have happened in Waitrose / Booths 🤦‍♀️

👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏
Good on you for telling him how you felt!
We need more women to do that.
How dare he shout at that shop assistant doing her job, and then at you?
Highly unlikely he would have been shouting at either of you if you'd both been big men.
You're unreasonable to doubt yourself. Well done, I need to be more like this. Most women need to be more like this!

Good on you for standing up to him. More women should learn to do this.

You sound as bad as each other

"The staff do nothing and say nothing re a customer abusing another customer,"

To be fair, I don't blame them - would you risk an physical altercation for minimum wage?