Father in law making rude comments in pregnancy

'hello cunt'

job done

Sorry, I disagree.

Bullies are after a reaction for escalation and power.

I don’t know if FIL is a bully or just ignorant and genuinely thinks he’s being funny, but any verbal response is unlikely to ‘shut him down’ because he can hide behind the banter/joke/no sense of humour response or escalate.

Walking away closes the discussion, leaves FIL powerless and leaves the ball in FIL and MIL’s court to mend the breach.

I’d worry that he has poor social skills and this is an attempt at being funny/friendly. Unless of course he simply nasty. I think it matters which it is. I can imagine my kind and nice FIL saying something like this in jest.

Sorry but more fool you if you if you are letting him. Why should it be up to your OH to say something. Are you gagged?

What about a cheery, ‘Hello, you ugly fucker!’

Why didn't you just say 'fuck off wanker' and let him choke on his own indignation.

That could backfire if he’s not bothered or wants to paint himself as someone who can ‘take a joke’.

You beat me to it! It was allegedly Nancy Astor who made the first comment.

What would happen if you countered with 'Hello, baldy!' or similar?! Give him a taste of his own medicine. Blooming cheek!

Disagree. It’s not “tit for tat” it is shutting down comments that are not appropriate. And doing it intentionally, with strength and meaning.
Bullies need to be dealt with in a way that they understand. At heart, bullies are all cowards and if you meet them head on? They go away. It’s a valuable skill for a child to learn. Because they absolutely will meet a bully at some point.

High road: sorry Bob that's not funny and in fact offensive.

Low road: FIL: Hello fatty. You: Hello dickhead.

Oh fuck off and tell MiL I did mean that and I'm sick of his crap.

Having put up with horrible things from my ex MIL i cant believe people are saying to say something back! If you are out just leave no words needed, if round his home same leave no words and if hes round yours just say 'i wish you to leave now' and keep saying it until he leaves,...if he said that in my house he wouldnt enter again...

Can you reply "Hello Cunty" and if you're pulled up well you're only joking.

I woul go ahead and lay out your boundaries. I was about to ask about his wife but read this post and realised she is clearly the enabler and presumably has the same sh*t to deal with herself . Call it out for yourself and for every other woman he patronises.

Presumably he says this when you arrive? Literally turn around and walk back out of the door. Either leave completely or go and sit in the car. I wouldn't be coming back without an apology.

Why not recycle the Winston Churchill joke?
When he says you're fat you reply "You're a gobshite-In a few months I'll be slim again. You'll still be a gobshite"

How would you feel about taking the nuclear route and if he greets you at the door with another rude remark, you turn around and leave?

Unfortunately, I think most of the ripostes, even if they initially shock, would be regarded as joining in with the ‘banter’. Also, if ripostes are heard by children that makes them worse because it teaches children that tit for tat is OK.

Just agree a strategy with your husband and leave without engaging or get husband to ask them to leave if it’s your house, as he’s had enough of his father’s rude behaviour because it upsets you both and he doesn’t want his children, who are his father’s grandchildren, to be around someone so rude.

Actions speak louder than words.

The C bomb should be reserved for certain situations. This is that situation.
’Hello C’
He will never, ever, greet you this way again.

You don't have to get cross. If he says it just tell him calmly he is being rude and leave. Calmly every time he does it.

@Beula82 you need to be really clear it’s not ok. One more chance and if he fucks up again you don’t want to see him. If he’s going to act like a child, treat him like one. What a dick.

Only my experience but I would address it next time but also ensure your DH know that you're going to. My in laws are that same but DH does challenge them, but they'll never change. I haven't spoken to them for about 4 years and far less stress in my life. I'm sorry that you feel alone with this

Same. Day to day, I am polite and pleasant to everyone. In ops situation? I am nuclear level vicious. DH has never needed to step in, he has infact been known to mutter the occasional “oh shit” if someone is overtly rude to me. Manners cost nothing and I will maintain mine, but if someone crosses the line? They are put down.

If nobody else points it out to him then stick up for yourself
Stop inviting them to your home and stop visiting them at their house. Once the idea that his attitude towards you will have an impact on their ability to see their grandchild they’ll soon get the idea
Have very strict boundaries