Page 6 | To leave my husband because of his OCD?

Notacleaningfairy · 2026-02-08T11:23:50+00:00

He is not diagnosed OCD but has admitted he “probably” has it and I completely agree. I’ve just been asked if I can start wearing shoe covers in the car as the mats get too muddy. If I don’t want to wear shoe covers then I must have another pair of trainers to change into before I get into the car. We drive a ford, not a Lamborghini. I don’t want to give off the impression that I don’t clean because I absolutely do but it’s not to his standard and it never will be. He will vacuum twice a day when he’s working and 3 times a day if he’s off. He does all the cooking because I make too much of a mess when I do. He can’t have anything sitting on any units, everything must be put away or hidden. There is so much more I could write but I won’t bore you all. I’m finding it so hard. I am constantly worrying the house isn’t clean enough for him. The other week when I was driving my window steamed up a little so I brushed it with my hand and instantly regretted it because I knew he would be annoyed. One day he will admit he has a problem and will apologise if he’s asking too much and the next day he will tell me there is nothing wrong with wanting things clean and that he “doesn’t ask for much” help

PullingOutHair123 · 08/02/2026 11:59

tabbycat897 · 08/02/2026 11:52

OP do you actually know what OCD is? It's a debilitating mental health conditions where the compulsive behaviours (i.e. cleaning) are a way of trying to manage the obsessive/intrusive thoughts. It's not just a case of someone being a bit of a neat freak. If he DOES have OCD then you getting pissed off at his behaviour shows a complete lack of support and compassion. if he's just a neat freak then I am not sure what your issue is either. I would love it if my DH loved cleaning and it certainly wouldn't irritate me - I would be more irritated to live with a total slob that I had to clean up after. It sounds like you don't actually like him very much and you are looking for an excuse to leave.

I would love it if my DH loved cleaning and it certainly wouldn't irritate me

hmmmm. Guessing you’ve never lived with someone who judges everything you do all of the time.

This is beyond forgetting to put the empty milk carton in the bina couple of times a week. Expecting people to wear special car shoes so the mats don’t get any dirt on them - unless you’ve been tramping through cow shit all day that is not entirely normal!

Id encourage him to get help. If not, then I’m not sure I could live with that.

toomuchfaff · 08/02/2026 11:57

tabbycat897 · 08/02/2026 11:52

OP do you actually know what OCD is? It's a debilitating mental health conditions where the compulsive behaviours (i.e. cleaning) are a way of trying to manage the obsessive/intrusive thoughts. It's not just a case of someone being a bit of a neat freak. If he DOES have OCD then you getting pissed off at his behaviour shows a complete lack of support and compassion. if he's just a neat freak then I am not sure what your issue is either. I would love it if my DH loved cleaning and it certainly wouldn't irritate me - I would be more irritated to live with a total slob that I had to clean up after. It sounds like you don't actually like him very much and you are looking for an excuse to leave.

Not the time or the place to say what you'd love for your DH to do more cleaning; to belittle and mininise the question because you dont like the terminology thats been used is frankly ridiculous and unhelpful.

OP isnt obligated to give support and compassion, they are allowed to be burnt out and sick of the behaviours.

Its not all about you. Go read another thread or better still tell you DH to do some cleaning if you're that pissed off.

Pericombobulations · 08/02/2026 11:54

Having been where your DH is I understand. BUT if he admits he has OCD but does not get help and insists you follow his standards then you should leave. If you have children then you risk them growing up thinking that his behavour is normal and developing OCD too.

toomuchfaff · 08/02/2026 11:54

You can leave a relationship for any reason; and the reason here is that you are living with a sense of dread, you are policing your own actions for fear of triggering him, you're scared to mention or do somethings in case it triggers him.

Just because he isnt violent; doesnt mean you have to sacrifice your own peace. I specifically worded the paragraph so that it could have been about domestic violence, or abuse. Just because he doesnt batter you isnt where the bar is set

tabbycat897 · 08/02/2026 11:52

OP do you actually know what OCD is? It's a debilitating mental health conditions where the compulsive behaviours (i.e. cleaning) are a way of trying to manage the obsessive/intrusive thoughts. It's not just a case of someone being a bit of a neat freak. If he DOES have OCD then you getting pissed off at his behaviour shows a complete lack of support and compassion. if he's just a neat freak then I am not sure what your issue is either. I would love it if my DH loved cleaning and it certainly wouldn't irritate me - I would be more irritated to live with a total slob that I had to clean up after. It sounds like you don't actually like him very much and you are looking for an excuse to leave.

Swiftie1878 · 08/02/2026 11:51

YANBU.
If you love him, you could perhaps give him a chance to get the help he clearly needs with his mental disorder. But, honestly, you could leave either way and not be unreasonable.
That’s a terrible life you’re both living.

TofuTuesday · 08/02/2026 11:51

Is this ocd? I have lots of (unfortunately) experience with ocd and house cleaning is a stereotype but maybe it’s worth getting a proper assessment of what’s going on. This sounds extremely controlling but unless there’s more may not be ocd.

TheQueenOfTheNight · 08/02/2026 11:48

No, you would not be unreasonable to leave. If you choose to stay then you're choosing to give up all your autonomy and give all control to him. He doesn't want to change and by staying, you're legitimising his choices and behaviours. It's not your job to fix a broken man, or make life easier for him.

Also, you would be very unreasonable to bring children into that lifestyle. At least, as an adult, you have a choice about being there.

CalzoneOnLegs · 08/02/2026 11:48

I don’t like dirty car mats or finger marks on my windscreen either !

FoamShrimps · 08/02/2026 11:46

He sounds unwell. I think if he won’t get help that would be grounds for leaving but really I’d be first supporting him to get the help he needs

FinallyHere · 08/02/2026 11:45

First post nails it. This is no way to live.

it’s not about the OCD, it’s the impact his behaviour is having on you. Do something good for your future self and get away from this right away.

somanychristmaslights · 08/02/2026 11:45

He needs to get help. Sounds exhausting for both of you.

Bombinia · 08/02/2026 11:44

Yanbu. He needs to get help and deal with his disorder, but you are free to leave whether or not he does that. It sounds very difficult to deal with

Floatingdownriver · 08/02/2026 11:25

Of course not. This is no way to live. I would, however suggest he gets help first.

however you do not need permission to leave. Relationship. I for one, could not love or live like this.