To leave my husband because of his OCD?

In your shoes, I’d give him an ultimatum: get therapy and within 6 months he needs to be living a more normal life where there isn’t this impact on you.

If he doesn’t get therapy, I’d leave. His problem to deal with.
Yes it is mental health but he has to help himself - if he chooses not to, then he chooses the consequences too.

That is no way to live. I think your husband needs to pursue a diagnosis, probably privately, and seek help.
If he is resistant to that, then possibly it’s not a disorder, he’s just being controlling.
Either way, you do not have to live like that, and his nagging you into his ways will completely destroy your relationship and possibly your own self confidence.

Time to sit him down and lay down your own rules for the way forward.

What happens when you say no? Or the mats are muddy?

Criticising the OP because she is finding living with someone whose behaviour is incredibly controlling - regardless of the cause of that behaviour - is the height of ignorance. His behaviours are having a massive impact on her own mental health. Are you saying that doesn’t matter, that she should accept it? That one person’s mental health concerns trump someone else’s?
The OP is suffering directly as a result of another person’s behaviour towards her. She has the right to say enough is enough.

I kind of wish my husband was like that! After 25 yrs he puts his laundry in the basket and will wash up once in a while, but that’s about it! He does loads of other things for us (sorts out bills, looked after our kids when they were younger, takes the cars to be serviced etc.).
I actually think I may have OCD…. My husband tellls me my standards are too high when it comes to the house and that I worry too much about that kind of stuff! That’s probably why I went against the grain and said YABU! Just take it in your stride. Less work for you to do! 😜

I have to say, I don't like muddy shoes in my car messing the mats. I actually have a second set of waterproof mats on top on the branded carpet mats for this reason.

Can't you just leave him to crack on and do all the cleaning?

Sounds exhausting and a tad controlling tbh.

I don't think this is fair to the OP.

The sole purpose of car mats is to collect dirt so that the carpets don’t get dirty.

YABU to leave someone purely because they have an illness.

YANBU to leave because he has a condition that he is unwiling to address or put the work in to manage. The more you accomodate his behaviours, the worse it gets. He needs to seek therapy and support.

This is all dreadful advice.

Both me and my partner have quite significant OCD. I also grew up with a sister with significant OCD who imposed so many rules and it is suffocating. It's just as hard to live with someone elses as it is your own. You are not being unreasonable. There are times i want to leave my relationship because i feel more like a carer/therapist etc than a partner (he won't make decisions for himself, even tiny things like he owes someone £5 but can only withdraw £10, I'll get woken by a phonecall to ask is that okay to withdraw £10 and then he just spends some to get a £5 note)

A partner with a lifelong mental health disorder would be a "dream come true"? Really?

It may well be a debilitating mental health condition but that doesn't mean OP has to stay in a relationship where she's unhappy.

Don't try and guilt her into staying. It's a really shitty thing to do.

Has he ever expressed a concern about his issues and obsessions? If he hasn't, or indeed if he believes his way of doing things is superior to everyone else's and other people are deficient, then he may have obsessive compulsive personality disorder rather than OCD. It's more entrenched and difficult to treat. In any case, you should leave him if you're unhappy and have had enough.

Decide whether he wants to get help!
My friend, eventually got help! She would pick up my cup, when I visited, and take it straight to the sink to wash. I tried not to go to the loo while there because she would excuse herself and then go up to clean it! Eventually her DH insisted she get treatment and she’s now able to leave cups on the coffee table until I leave and I haven’t noticed her slide out after I’ve been to the toilet.

Omg, having a DH who vacuumed the house twice a day and made sure that there was no clutter lying around everywhere would be a dream come true!

My DH is the polar opposite of yours, OP. He leaves a trail of detritus everywhere he goes, leaves the kitchen in a mess, leaves clutter and junk everywhere.

I have OCD, I would say I’m about 90-95% recovered. I still have hang ups with hand washing and raw chicken, but everything else is just fine. The important thing to note is that I make sure others do not have to accommodate my OCD, it is not their issue it is mine, so yes I was my hands frequently for instance but I do not expect this of others.

Now just for some perspective and empathy for your husband, when I was at the height of my OCD the compulsions were terrible, no matter how much I rationalised to myself, thought logically etc it never made any difference. So whilst I knew completely and utterly the compulsions were over the top and not necessary I still could not help myself and this is when I knew I really had a problem.

It sounds like your DH does recognise he has a problem, but that this can be changeable as he has other moments of justifying his behaviour. Yes it is fine to be concerned about hygiene and to want things to be clean, but being obsessive about it and imposing his unrealistic standards upon you is unreasonable. It is absolutely unfair of him to expect you to accommodate wearing booties in the car, or not allowing you to cook in your own home or to be unable to relax in your own space.

He needs to get help, he needs to be willing and wanting to get this help, it’s a difficult road to travel and requires commitment and work. I think you need to talk to him, make him understand that your marriage is at stake and why and see if that spurs him into action. If not, you are well within your rights to leave.

You can leave a relationship for any reason but if he genuinely has ocd he’s unwell and should seek support

it’s very very hard to live with someone with ocd sometimes. I recognise what you’re saying about internalising his way of seeing things - we had a conversation once where I told him I’d started having thoughts that weren’t mine they were his, and I couldn’t have that continue.

therapy is very helpful.

its also hard because I am naturally messy and finding a balance between us is complex, but I find it hard to draw a line between what he feels is acceptably tidy and clean and not dismissing that as being his ocd. It takes work

ocd is also not just about this. The intrusive thoughts are often horrendous and the baseline can be exhausting for him so I lighten the load where I can because I love him.

if he didn’t recognise it or seek any help that might be different

Exactly this.

I like a clean kitchen and absolutely nothing on worktops, but your husband sounds pretty impossible to live with. I don’t think it’s OCD, more obsessive and unrealistic about cleaning.

You clearly dont understand the difference between OCD and loving cleaning despite your insistance a partner needs to be supportive.

Someone with OCD sets rules, however those rules quickly dont become enough and more rules are set. But these rapidly are not enough and higher are set. The majority of these rules are not neccesary.

I know because at my worst I was having 3 showers a day, and making a cup of tea would involve mulitple hand washes. This was not enough to calm my OCD and the more I did the more I wanted to do.

if he loves her he should recognise that he is making unreasonable demands and get therapy and convince her to stay.

OP - in your shoes i would ask him to choose between having me in his life and not making unreasonable demands (i would comply with some to show willing but shoe covers? nope) and living how he likes and not having me in his life.

Depending on his reaction, make up your mind.

I'd only stay if he was seriously seeking and engaging with support to address his issues. You shouldn't be tiptoeing around his reactions.
It doesn't sound like he is so fair enough to leave.