My ds keep shaming me

Scorched Earth ? What the dickens is this ?

My DC are in their twenties now so we thankfully didn't have YouTube etc but they did watch some children's TV and copied things that annoyed me . Not language but accents and voices . (Brick from "The Middle" was an annoying little twerp who "forgot" things . My DS copied , resulting in my stopping him watching it . "Stop copying , you aren't Brick , he's a sitcom character , you didn't 'forget' you just didn't want to/couldn't be bothered "

When they were little everything was "scary" . My shoes are scary /that dinner is scary completely random.

I did throw their toys away once but it was completely justified .

Oh also - this book "When Your Kids Push Your Buttons" is fantastic and only 99p. Totally recommend!! https://www.amazon.co.uk/When-Your-Kids-Push-Buttons-ebook/dp/B00JJMK3CU/

Trust me, I’ve seen many children behave in similar ways - most whose parents are doing a good job but their Dc just seem to get into a habit of using certain words that people take offence at. You have the added joy of two children very close in age and development and no doubt will egg each other on. You’re doing the right thing, but I would add, don’t take it personally. My grandchild called me a stupid old lady a while ago because I told him time was up on his tablet. I was really upset, but didn’t let him see. I asked if he would be happy to call his teacher (who is in her late 50s and whom he adores) a stupid old lady and he said no, but that was different. When I pointed out that it was just the same, he saw that he’d done something unacceptable and apologised. He understood why he lost tablet time.
Being a parent is Hard!!!

Hi this is child abuse. Can’t actually believe I’m reading this.

Yep, mine were both in school uniform for Reception at age 4 and at age 5 they were in Year 1, ‘proper school’.

They were little, yes; but they were children.

Oh yes, if the people I manage at work call me a fat bitch I just ignore them and their behaviour, so they get the message that I will reward them with attention if they work hard instead.

And if someone came up to me in the street and gave me a shove, I would ignore them and politely walk on, until they learned to get my attention by saying a polite hello

🤣🤣🤣

Sorry very late to this and have only skim read but I wonder if they can tell it upsets you and are doing it to get a rise out of you?
I would try not to let them know that this particular button is a good one to push. If it gets a result in some way even a result of you being upset and shouting that is reinforcing.
There should be consequences of speaking like that yes but calmly and not with too much emotion. And they should learn that it never, ever gets them what they want whereas good behaviour gets praise and attention.

It always stings when we’re told we’re not doing enough as parents, but it’s clear from your posts that up until now you haven’t been stern enough. You don’t have to lose your shit, just consistently do as you have now done - speak sternly and take away ALL high value treat items until behaviour improves.

It’s far easier to correct a child’s behaviour when it is a result of a parent’s weak behaviour management (as you have seen already) than when it is a result of other, serious external factors such as autism or oppositional defiance disorder. In other words, be glad that this is all seemingly just a matter of imposing firmer consequences for unacceptable behaviour!

Just a little suggestion to consider your language about this. Your DC are not shaming you. They are being rude and cheeky. It’s your role as a parent to stop this behavior. Shaming could imply a relationship of equals or maybe a superior position from your child towards you. This is on no way the case.
Children are sometimes naughty - no matter how well their parents parent.

They are. My daughter might end up marrying one of these boys who thinks it's fine to insult his own mother, and whose mother should just slink away and say nothing while he rampages on, apparently.

Dreadful

Yeah, I'm sorry but for that level of bad behaviour I wouldn't be threatening no TV today. I'd take the telly off the fucking wall and lock it in a cupboard and make sure they see me doing it. (Obviously once they're in bed I'd be putting it back for us to use and then replacing back in the cupboard when we go to bed!) As far as the kids are concerned it would be there for at least a week. Even a fucking hint of further bad behaviour and it would be there longer.

Unless you have youtube set to the setting where you only whitelist channels, it lets SO much questionable crap through all the filters. Game type channels can be especially bad, because there is a lot of "banter" and "Gamer culture" which is about putting others down and slagging each other off and insulting the "loser" - it's really toxic. When we had youtube I was constantly having to go through the app on the TV every few weeks and ban entire channels and it got so annoying I ended up just deleting the app entirely and blocking it. The algorithms are relentless.

If you didn't know, don't worry. Not everyone does know. But I would seriously consider stopping access to youtube and only allowing catch-up type apps like i-Player, live TV and/or paid services like Netflix. You can find Mario and Sonic cartoons on Prime Video.

Some of the replies that you have received are horrible. "Tearing them a new one" is a disgusting phrase which refers to beating a child so badly that the skin breaks on their buttocks (literally, making a hole in their arse/tearing a new arsehole). I know that nobody literally means it like that, they probably mean a smack, which is illegal in many parts of the UK, BTW - but it's still an awful phrase and I would not take advice from anybody using it, hyperbole or not.

Despite parental controls Kid's YouTube is not safe. I don't allow my 10yo granddaughter to watch it without me in the room, and then for a set amount of time. If you sit next to them and watch with them you may be surprised at what they're watching.

So would l

I think you are right op: it's about upping the consequences.

I think it really is that simple - though we all know "simple" isn't always simple when dc are involved!

Incidentally, some approaches suggest not getting into discussion about why you are angry, what impact their words had etc. I think the 1,2,3 Magic approach tries to circumvent those "post mortems."

But I do think with something like name-calling and insults, it is good to pick a time - calmly and after the storm has passed - to talk about why it is hurtful and not acceptable to insult people. I think the same when something is dangerous. The reason I say this is, yes, first step is to change the behaviour, but the longer term plan is to help them to judge and regulate their own behaviour, to decide for themselves what and how they should and shouldn't do things, and I think for that the reasoning is helpful. Most children aren't horrible deep down, they just let things get the better of them in the moment, but knowing how it is hurtful can help, rather than just thinking "that's the thing that gets a reaction so she knows I'm mad."

Also agree with another poster about how screen time negatively impacts behaviour, especially short, bright, fast moving videos.

I think some other posters have raised some good points about other parents not wanting their children around yours if they hear or see this behaviour. As others have said, once they get known as those naughty kids, it’ll be impossible to shake off that label.
Sort it out now or your children will suffer social consequences.

Seriously? Barely past toddlers?

four and five are reception and year one! A fair way past toddlers.

I woukd absolutely loose my shit at this age group thinking that they can talk to you like that. That woukd involve my voice being a lot higher and telling them this won’t be tolerated anymore. Anything nice would be taken away until they realised how to behave. You’re in control not them.

No one knows how stern or weak I am as you are not here with us but trust me I have let them know beyond doubt that this is unacceptable

But yet they are carrying on?? so they know beyond doubt that they can carry on!

Don’t do this Op if you live in Scotland or Wales.
Or anywhere really but it’s allowed in both other parts of the UK.
Where are they learning this from?

Never mind ‘non emotional’ -IMO they need a seriously stern talking-+to - with consequences for such behaviour made abundantly clear.

IMO ‘gentle parenting’ has a lot to answer for.

This sounds like it's about boundaries and connection https://www.peacefulparenthappykids.com/read/youre-not-the-boss-of-me