My ds keep shaming me

You’re teaching them that you hit to get what you want.

Sorry, children who come from kind loving homes, with boundaries do not behave like this. Young children occasionally misbehave but this appears to be a pattern of bad and bullying behaviour because there aren't appropriate consequences or they are copying behaviour.

This right here. Unless you sit next to your child while watching YouTube “kids” you have zero idea how appropriate the content is they are watching. YouTube stuck “kids” at the end and parents think it’s safe when it’s 100% not. Please stick with tv services you can monitor and actually are kid friendly. All the free channels have kids options now a days so no need at all to even subscribe to anything.

It’s not over-riding their love for their mother. They call the remote control ‘fat’ too. They’re just being little dicks. Kids do that.

These threads always bring out the thugs. Poor kids.

Glad to hear it, OP. I’m sure you’ll do well.

Do they ever call DH fat or fattest for not giving in to them?

This misogyny against mums and women is depressing.

I find it astonishing that these children are being cruel to their mother. This is seriously alarming. And tremendously depressing. No wonder people are stopping procreating. I can’t conceive of where small children would learn such toxicity, and let it over ride their love for their mother. Something very very wrong there.

That’s because it isn’t.

Some of these replies are sounding like child abuse. These are 4 and 5 year olds. This thread is disgusting.

This reminds me of the stinky granny thread, is there a family member who has used unkind terms to describe you which got a laugh and then the children think it's funny and ok to repeat?

I think people are being harsh on you as it sounds like this has been ongoing.

I wish MN would consider deleting posts encouraging smacking.

It is illegal in three out of four nations in the UK, for one thing, and we’ve no idea where the OP is. Everyone does assume England here but not all posters are.

Then there’s the fact the site doesn’t always have genuine posters and we have no idea who is pushing smacking as a sensible disciplinary method.

The issue I have with it is that it isn’t just the fact that it’s not a good idea, it sort of changes the feel of the site for everybody. Look at this post - fairly standard small child naughtiness has been blown up into akin to calling an adult a ‘fat bitch’ at work and people are almost falling over themselves to be the angriest, scariest and most violent. Great, well done.

Threads like this which attack an OP are the opposite of helpful.

I would link the consequences to the behaviour, and wouldn’t frame them as punishments. Discipline means to teach - I hate arbitrary displays of parental control. I am a gentle-ish parent. These are all things I said over and over with my son that might help.

“You are clearly picking up seriously unkind behaviour from somewhere - no TV or YouTube today. I know, it sucks - but so does your language today dude and I am tired of listening to you be vile. It’s not how we speak to people. We can try again tomorrow.”

”Ah, you’ve woken up with a truly rotten attitude again today I see. That’s ok. We can all be grumpy when we’re tired but it’s not cool if it makes everyone else miserable. I’m not the enemy. Let’s get to bed half an hour earlier tonight and see if we can do better tomorrow.”

”No, I’m sorry I don’t want to play cars with you. I really don’t like playing with people that are mean to me. Give me half an hour and then we can have a reset.”

Always hold the boundary, always give them a chance to reset and start again with a clean slate.

Some bonus things my kid will say to his therapist/kids because I said them so much when he was little:

”Am I the enemy?” (sullen ‘no’) “Then quit your attitude - we are on the same team.”

”How many times does mummy ask?” (sullen ‘once’) “That’s right - shift your butt.”

”Asked and answered dude - I’m just going to ignore you now. Let me know when you’re ready to talk about something else.” (To stop badgering)

”Do you want to start again?” (Reset question if he’d worked himself into a full on state about anything) “We can carry on like this and have a bad day or start again and have some fun together today. Let me know when you’re ready.”

That’s your opinion though. A very occasional short sharp smack to shock them out of horrendous behaviour does them a favour IMO - the behaviour that you see these days from children and teens can be absolutely awful. The OP is the one on the receiving end of abusive behaviour here, not the little boys. The abusive behaviour needs to be stamped out. Otherwise the kids will have no boundaries.

I would definitely use smacking to correct this behaviour. Because the behaviour is so bad it warrants it. Would you like these boys to get a little older and continue these comments to a tween female and push her into anorexia, self loathing and a lifetime of ED/death? It’s that serious. Smacking is warranted.

And don’t stress about me smacking anyone. My dc are grown up. And got smacked once or twice in their lives when it was totally warranted. They know and are totally fine. It was so, so far from any type of abuse.

I think though at that age sometimes children know something is NAUGHTY (ie; that it gets a reaction) but they don't always know why.

The fact this little guy calls the remote control fat suggests to me he just thinks it is a reaction-getting word, not that he understands it aims to make the object feel bad about themselves.

A bit?

They will grow out of it hopefully. My 2 brothers were like this at that age, only it was an obsession with 'bosoms'! They used to shout it out at every female they saw. We mostly ignored it and they stopped when they stopped getting attention. for doing it. Maybe you could try that?

Yes, you need a "I mean it" voice and look that accompany carrying out whatever you said - no TV, treats cancelled, toys taken away etc.

They soon learn that the "I mean it" voice and look are enough.

But the posters advocating smacking should be ashamed of themselves.

But they are adults who someone else has presumably parented badly.

Dealing with small children who are often trying out certain behaviours to see what works is different.

It’s your responsibility as a parent to teach them what is OK and what is not. It’s psychology 101 that behaviour that is rewarded is reinforced and behaviour that gets no reward will extinguish.

A lot of people go wrong by ignoring their kids when they behave well and then giving lots of negative attention when they misbehave which is in fact reinforcing that behaviour.

I doubt they think you are fat and are genuinely insulting you. Given the age I would imagine the reaction is what they want.

Dd (sen) calls me a bitch sometimes. And shouts at me sometimes. I act like I have a filter on my ears and these sounds just don't go through.

Ignoring or going "sorry. What.. I can't hear you... It's too loud/ too rude... I can't hear you. " usually quickly gets her back down.

She was most put out once... Mummmyyyy I'm calling you a bitch, can't you hear me??? Mummmyyyy...

Oh that’s ok then. Disgraceful.

And it’s an utter disgrace that it’s not a criminal offence. It is morally reprehensible. I’m shocked this appears to be a niche opinion.

That, but also the idea that parents think you can treat bad behaviour with bad behaviour.

Sounds like you have got through to them. My only suggestion might be "behaviour jars" that you can add to or take things out (buttons, pennies, marbles, pieces of paper) so that they are earning or losing a treat for good or bad behaviour. Sometimes kids can get stuck with the consequences of their poor behaviour and no incentive to improve.

It’s not illegal in England though.
https://childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/the-law-on-smacking-children/