My ds keep shaming me

In other words. Abuse your children.

What about standing in a corner with their face to the wall? I used that on GSs (only it was the corner of a field on a walk).

My DS goes on bloody YouTube sometimes. He watches this

From that, he’s got so may ideas about play, especially outdoor play and construction. It’s completely harmless and arguably a lot better than some of the shite elsewhere.

No channel is inherently bad. Even the adored Bluey has some problematic parts.

Take things away for good. Treat them harshly. Tell them they are evil and horrible. Do whatever but you need to get them to understand - either they respect you, or they will be scared of you. If they are like this at 5, whatever they will be at 15???

Take the good advice from the sensible posters and ignore the ones who are just here for the pile on.

You sound like a lovely mum. Best of luck!

They get fat as an insult from Peppa Pig. It’s an insult used on Daddy Pig. Plus they’ll hear it in the playground and at nursery.

We had violence issues when DD was this age. I put the stair gate back on her room for time outs, and told her if she climbed over it I’d get a taller one. She was allowed out once she stopped lashing out (I didn’t wait for calm, I don’t like them crying alone) so we could talk, which was as concise as I could make it.

For both kids I regularly explain (again briefly!) that what they do regularly now will be habit when they’re older or around friends, then say how that will be bad for them. So a habit if insulting people means no one to play with at school. Hitting means they’ll likely get hit back. Public bad behaviour means not getting treats in cafes, or whatever their favourite things are. I tie everything back to how being nice is in their own best interests. Everything.

(she grew out of it very quickly, so there is hope!)

Not kicking.

what @Sunshining20 describes is horrific and not within the realms of normal naughtiness at this age.

I know she’s had a “stern word” with them and taken away Tv but surely - this would have occurred sooner and didn’t need mumsnet? Genuine question but what discipline has the children been given before today?

Children are classed as toddlers up to 3 years old. So 4 and 5 is NOT that much past toddler age. It's certainly not an age where they should be hurling vile insults at their mother, and mocking her, and they certainly shouldn't be on bloody YouTube, or playing Pokemon at that age!

Next time they do ask them to clarify why are they stating the obvious over and over. They have mentioned you are fat before, you know you are fat. It’s not news. They are using the word fat as a derogatory term
But saying no to them having a snack or playing video games, both of which will make them fat, Why then are you the worse mummy for stopping them becoming what they think of as something awful.

Then I would be taking them out to get exercise and run around as part of getting them to use up their energy.
I always think children (especially boys) growing up need to run around at regular intervals during the day.

It’s like having a puppy. They need to work through their energy.
Personally I do think that dog training (ignore bad behaviour praise good behaviour) works just as well on children.

I would say that these words are said for attention and a reaction.

Punishing or reacting to the words they use is only solidifying in their mind that calling mummy the worse and fat = attention

If bad behaviour = no reaction
and good behaviour = praise and attention they soon learn what gets them what they want
On your part you have to be fully involved with them. So you notice the little things they do that are nice and praise them for it

Just stop kicking the OP now.

We aren’t the ones “piling” on you @Sunshining20

It is your own very young children who are.

The TV would be gone and snacks would be fruit or veggies and dip. Every time they called you names, they'd lose something.

Kids their age can grasp the concept of mean. They're being mean and bullying you to get what they want. Consequences every time. They do not get what they want when they try that, they lose something right then and there.

Your boys will one day be bigger and stronger than you so it is essential the boundaries are put in place now. Enlist your husband, grit your teeth and come down like a ton of bricks - you're not doing them any favours by letting them get away with this appalling behaviour. Sorry to be harsh.

And I’ll just add something else before I shut up

I and I bet every other teacher here will have had the following sort of interaction:

’James is a lovely student to have in lessons; he’s polite, helpful and respectful. He tries his best and he cooperates fully with instructions.’

parent - ‘umm, do you definitely mean James Smith?’

Obviously variables but for the most part the polite, helpful, kind students in school are unfailingly surly, grumpy, silly or even rude at home.

I don’t mean just tolerate poor behaviour but generally home is where the daft behaviour (in whatever form that takes) comes out. Apart from the ethics of smacking you don’t WANT to scare it out of them. They need to know how to communicate sensibly but FGS these kids are four and five years old!

What am I reading, poor OP. Asking for advice and got........well not the discussion she was hoping for!
Kids say stuff that they dont realise is hurtful or understand the meaning, my 3 year old thinks everything is 'shocking' I asked her what she meant, she has no idea 🤣
I have an older DC and removing things they enjoy or reward chart works well!

When my now grown kids were about the same age they were jointly rude to their childminder.
They were left in no doubt that this was unacceptable. They had a stern talking to by me and dh. Went straight to bed, lights out and that was for a week. The following day they gave a sincere apology and knew that any further report would be followed by consequences.
I never had to hit my kids because consequences followed actions. And that was that.
You need to get a grip of them now. Any misbehaviour and the consequences follow immediately. I did have to turn back from a booked day out maybe twice in their childhoods for the same reason. It's gutting and not easy but pays dividends in the long run.

You yourself said the calling you fat is relentless, and they absolutely shouldn’t be hitting you., and ‘shut your mouth’ is an awful phrase for them to have picked up.
A 4 year old will be starting school soon if he hasn’t already and I can tell you now there is one child in my child’s class who thinks nothing of whacking his Mum when she picks him up and has brought a snack that isn’t to his liking, and the other parents are horrified.
It is not age appropriate behaviour at 4 to be hitting a parent.

They must have heard that language somewhere though, in order to repeat it?

It’s ‘fat’ not ‘fucking cunt.’

Of course they’ve heard it.

Try not to let it get you down. MN was once a good place to come for advice about children’s behaviour but some very angry posters have taken it over. I am struggling with potty training at the moment and I wouldn’t bother asking here. Just try and focus on the sensible replies. You’re a lovely mum, I’m sure

Yes, op, it sounds like hangryness!

I also think he maybe isn't understanding comments on person's appearance are insulting. After all, they are loaded with baggage that it takes years in our toxic, judgy society to understand.

They must have heard that language somewhere though, in order to repeat it? My similar aged child would say ‘Mum, your hair is really crazy today’ because he’s heard me say it myself.
When he was a toddler and hit out during a tantrum I told him it made my heart really sad and we have kind hands.
My sad face must have been pretty effective, because he hasn’t done it again in temper, although will scrap with his brothers.
There seems to be a lack of respect aimed at you, how does the Dad speak to you and what does he say when they do it?
My older ones can be pretty cheeky but would never call someone fat, they gently take the piss out of me for being short as both of the older ones are taller then me now and only 12, their Dad has spoken to them before about it because he thinks they shouldn’t tease me but it’s all in good nature and they would be mortified if I was upset about them saying it.
Ive never experienced any of mine saying something really unkind to anyone, even when small if they asked a question about someone being different, differences were explained but the warning was always included that we are not unkind to people who are different etc
It seems very odd that your children are tormenting you verbally, and both of you as parents are allowing it.

Get rid of as much sugar and UPF from their diet as possible. Ban screens. DH needs to deal with the problem of how they speak to you.

They aren’t being cruel. They are slowly exploring language and the power it can have.

I can well imagine my own DS doing something like this (he is five.) He wouldn’t do it completely solo but he and his wee pals would egg one another on. The other day I asked him if he’d had a nice day at school ‘yes smelly stinky poo pop’ was the response, I’m not even bothering getting faintly annoyed about it.

I would with ‘fat’ as that can obviously be extremely hurtful but it isn’t cruelty, it’s silliness. Massive difference .

It's unacceptable to make comments about people's appearance, they need to know this, and there need to be consequences every single time until they learn.