My ds keep shaming me

They are children.

Mumsnet can be really harsh sometimes, it's likely your little ones are picking this language up from their peers at school and testing boundaries, don't be too hard on yourself as long as you are enforsing positive behavior your doing great! It's not all sunshine and rainbows with young children as people on here would have you believe 💐

😂😂😂

Do you not understand that you have different relationships and different dynamics within these relationships?

Adults/children/family/friends/colleagues/
strangers - you just treat all of them the same way?

So many parents advocating for child abuse on here. What is wrong with you all???

standing kids facing a wall? Making them scared of you?

no wonder we have so many kids struggling with their mental health.

disgusting the lot of you (not the sensible ones obviously)

This works well with my son too actually.

I’ve just had a read through and I think there’s some crazy stuff on this thread too. From abuse to smacking and taking all their kids stuff. And watching YouTube!!!! The horror! 😂 kids YT is harmless.

@Sunshining20OP I know it’s sounds horrible but they likely don’t mean it!! They’ve probably heard it somewhere and want to try it out. To them it’s their worst insult a they probably like the reaction it gets. They’re also a similar age and egging each other on. A bit. It sounds like your chat and limiting TV has been successful. They’re very young still so sorting this now is good - but trust me, they’ll hear and try worse as they get older.

Do they call your DH fat or just you?

I would tear them a new one

Lovely 🙄

Oh @Sunshining20 do try to ignore the pile on. You sound fine, and it’s really tricky. Your children are normal and not the spawn of satan… although the behaviour is very unacceptable, many parents have dealt with this and worse. You will get them through it with some tough (non violent) love.

I would suggest a serious reigning in of the TV content. Personally I would never be comfortable with YouTube kids as general watching, since there have been documented problems with the content for around a decade (eg https://medium.com/@jamesbridle/something-is-wrong-on-the-internet-c39c471271d2)

There’s so much good stuff on CBeebies. Maybe try some of the kids documentary stuff, I appreciate it’s all trial and error. My kids are more reactive after spidey, so we watch it rarely (not never) now. Octonauts and paw patrol both seem exciting but less over-stimulating apparently. Deadly 60, Deadly dinosaurs, all the Andy’s adventures, even Waffle the (somewhat annoying) dog. The best thing I did was follow through on “my choice of tv or no tv” a few times!

You sound like a lovely mum with two tiny children testing boundaries they don't understand. Rightly, you sound like you're going to ignore all the posters who are giving parenting advice out of the dark ages..
Good luck!!

They are little kids. Telling an adult to abuse her children? are you for real?

Where have they learned this behaviour? Telling you to shut up and fat are unacceptable and you need to be very firm. No TV, no screen time at all, no treats, sweets, no visits to park or going to birthday parties. Every single day they are abusive they lose all privileges. Your DH needs to be on the same page. Tell them once they behave they get things back. Every single time they are abusive they lose all privileges. They need to learn to value Mummy.

Well, whatever OP done before clearly did not work. Is it better when its her who is abused?

My post or standing a child with their face to the wall?

Yeah - and definitely don't do this...

You need to parent them instead of trying to please them all the time.
Parents set the boundaries - you are not doing that.
There needs to be consequences for insulting you.

I do this with my dog.
No treats unless he behaves.
Ditto for small children.

Don't go nuclear - that's not how you solve problems and that sets the precedent that going nuclear achieves the outcome you want - and in turn, this will be behaviour they mirror. Take away all television and snacks between meals until they earn the right to them. Lock the telly and all screens away, don't buy 'snack' food - if they want a snack, they can have a carrot - this is something you can always say yes to.
They need to understand that the behaviour isn't ok, but by behaving in the right way, they can get the things they want. Hard, hard boundary - for the next month, no screen time or sweet snacks and explain why - you have to mean this, or it will keep happening.
Read 'How to speak so really little kids will listen'.

I would say keep going with consistent and emotion free consequences. It will work. Dont explain any more . Just ' we dont insult people's appearance in this house, the TV is going off and you can do x min in time out.' Make sure your kids know what will happen and stick to it. Dont change the rules. Try not to show that they've hit a raw nerve.

One thing I find helpful with my 5 year old is to get her to repeat what lead up to the consequence.

So if for whatever reason I have had to remove toys or TV when dad gets home from work I say to her are you going to tell daddy why we didn't have TV after school and get her to tell him what happened rather than me. Her saying what happened in her own words out of the state of red mist seems to get it to sink in better as unacceptable.

If she asks for TV or toys back whilst banned I get her to tell me what happened for them to go away. She then connects the consequence to the action better this way. If a grandparent is doing any child care whilst she has a screen bad I get her to tell them why too as it stops them relenting and giving her some any way.

What is that supposed to achieve?

That didn’t format very well! But you get the idea!

Children will almost always become what you tell them they are.

If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn. If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight. If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy. If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty. If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient. If a child lives with encouragement, he learns confidence. If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate.If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice.If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith.If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself. If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he learns to find love in the world

What? Is this the 50s?

Never ever has Daddy pig been called fat.

”big tummy” yes “big belly” yes.

but never “fat” @VikingLady

Unbelievable. Who wants their children to be scared of them?