My ds keep shaming me

285 replies

Sunshining20 · 08/02/2026 10:17

My 4 and 5 year old DS have taken to calling me the worst fattest mum in the world every time I don't give in to TV or snack demands. They also tell me to shut my mouth and hit me. But the calling me fat all the time is relentless.

They come from a loving home and me and my husband parent seemingly the same as our other parent friends. Giving boundaries, organising things like baking and days out and socialise.

Where have we gone wrong? How do we fix this? We have done time outs and explained this language and behaviour isn't acceptable.

It makes me very sad and resentful.

OP posts:

Thumbup · 08/02/2026 10:24

what you describe sounds like one of the depressing scenes from supernanny

This doesn’t sound like remotely typical naughty behaviour for these ages. This is appalling.

Your husband needs to be very involved alongside you in stopping this

Colourscolours · 08/02/2026 10:23

They are picking this language up from somewhere OP. Who is teaching them to call you fat? Somebody is teaching them that telling you to to" shut up" is normal behaviour.

How do you react when they hit you?
Because by the time they are at the age they are they should be very aware hitting is wrong and not acceptable.

Whydontpeopleknow · 08/02/2026 10:23

I might get flamed for this, but I'd stop explaining and start being stern now. I absolutely would not keep explaining why it's not nice and wrong, they know.

Ellie1015 · 08/02/2026 10:23

Fat (or any unkind comments on appearance) is worse than a swear word in my house. Would be a stern talking to and no tv or something for a period of time.

rubyslippers · 08/02/2026 10:23

Are they copying it from one another?
At this age you need to be much firmer
if the current consequences aren’t working then try others
Removing priveliges such as screen time, toys and treats as soon as it happens
no baking for example - follow through on it all the time

AnnaQuayInTheUk · 08/02/2026 10:22

At that age, you should be in control. The only reason they are doing this is because you are letting them. They are old enough to understand sanctions. I bet they don't do this to their teachers at school, do they?

So YABU as you're allowing this situation. You and their dad need to be setting boundaries or their behavior will get a lot worse.

holachicatita · 08/02/2026 10:20

I would not tolerate this. Under no circumstances are they to call you names and get away with it. What next? Calling a kid at school fat? A teacher ugly? I would tear them a new one and they would never do it again! Whatever punishment you choose has to be meaningful.. if time outs aren't working you need to think of something else!

Notmyreality · 08/02/2026 10:20

Well I can only assume your definition of setting boundaries isn’t the same as everyone else. Are you a soft gentle parent? Do you ask your children to do things rather than tell them?

NomTook · 08/02/2026 10:20

If my son did this to anyone, there wouldn’t be any tv or treats until I saw an improvement in his behaviour.

What are the actual consequences for them behaving this way?

Nextdoortomeis · 08/02/2026 10:19

What consequences do you impose on them.

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