My ds keep shaming me

Once you resort to violence there is no where else to go.

Grew up where smacking was a way to control. All it did was make us laugh in the face of the person assaulting us because that was a last resort and we knew there was nothing they could do.

My mother smacked me so I smacked her back

I dispute that smacking never did you any harm.
It made you into a violent person who couldn’t control theirselves and thought hitting a child was the way to go.

Would you hit a random stranger if you thought their behaviour wasn’t acceptable to you
If not why not if you think hitting is what you do to correct someone

One of the greatest things that I took on board rearing my children was to follow through on any threat, punishment.
For them to absolutely believe I meant what I said.

Life was so much easier as a result.
We all knew where we stood.
We left a soft play immediately, only once.
We turned the TV off only once.
They didn't have PS4 for a whole weekend only once.

All I had to say when they were teens bickering over the PS4, "am I going to have to turn the PS4/wifi off for the weekend" for them to quickly resolve the issue of sharing.
They knew I meant business.

I had to train my husband as much as them.
On a couple of occasions he threw out random ridiculous disproportionate punishments of "no cartoons for a week".

I let him have it and told him to take a weeks holidays to police his ridiculous punishment.
He wasn't long getting on message.

I wasn't policing HIS punishments, HE would, alone.

100 per cent this. There is also some horrible stuff on YouTube Kids.

How much time do you spend working out exactly how hard to hit a child to fit these specific requirements? How do you plan your approach? Direction? Speed? Body part?

It is so weird that you think you will meet these parameters that mean to you it's a fine thing to do to a small child - which also means you hit them as a considered and planned action.

I am thankfully in a different universe where my children have never come near to being at the mercy of you or people who think like you and I find your posts disturbing and upsetting.

But you have turned into an adult who hits small children.

That's the risk I would say. People who were hit as vulnerable children by their care givers on whom they were dependent, become adults who hit small children. It's not a great cycle to be part of and I am sorry it happened to you and that you perpetuated it.

There is no excuse for adults hitting children. In the same way as there is no excuse for care home staff hitting elderly people with dementia or support workers hitting teenagers with learning difficulties or nurses hitting patients sectioned under the MHA.....there is no excuse for hitting pretty much ever (self defence in a dark alley at night I guess).

You are not ever doing kids a favour by hurting them. You're sending them confusing messages about those you love and trust turning on you. About people who say they care for you causing you fear and pain.

You aren't an ok person who hasn't been in trouble with the police (you would be on some countries for the same actions so it's all context specific) BECAUSE you were hit as a child. You don't need to feel grateful to the person who hurt you. You are ok IN SPITE of an adult abusing their power and position against you when you were small. (And even now you are advocating for other small children to be hurt and confused).

Don't hit kids. Simple.

Thank you. Makes sense.

Was this their normal behaviour?

But think violence against children is ok.

The sheer number of times you’ve written smacked and marked up there does make me think you’re not genuine to be honest.

I smacked my kids (a very small handful of times only their whole childhood) and they were never marked. I was smacked, and as far as I remember I was never marked. I am glad I was smacked the small amount of times I was, I think I turned out well, never in trouble at school, with the police etc etc.

I did not hurt the DGC they had been fighting and throwing large objects at each other (scooters, bikes). They were standing there considering the damage they could have done to each other and watching birds, cows etc.

Totally agree.

England. But anywhere where parents think it’s ok to hurt their children and make them stand facing walls etc.

Which country?

Still abuse and still teaches that violence is ok.

horrific. I expect any “parent” who hurts their child in this way doesn’t stop at the not marking stage (whatever that is).

I hate this country sometimes. Hate that people treat their children so badly.

Posts promoting physical chastisement have no place on a forum for parents and I’m not going to change my stance on that.

It's shocking isn't it? Absolutely disgusting that anyone is supporting physically assaulting your own children. It's illegal for an adult physically assault another ADULT, but inexplicably it's not illegal for an adult to physically assault a small CHILD. (In England and Northern Ireland.)

One of the laws in England and Northern Ireland that is batshit fucking crazy and need changing. Why the fuck is it illegal in Scotland and Wales but not in England and Northern Ireland?

Utterly outrageous!

Quite frankly, some of the posts on this thread make me sick to my stomach.

Hard agree! ^ There are some appalling examples of 'parenting' on this thread. God help us all! 😬

.

Thankfully that’s against the law where I live.

I’m always amazed at people who seem to look back fondly at smacking their children.

2 out of 4. It is not fully illegal in Northern Ireland as well.
And why should MN delete posts? The posts are not about anything illegal (in the parts of the UK where the majority of people live) and it isn’t like they are advocating beating/hurting.

I’m not talking about a beating, I’m talking about a smack that is enough to shock them, but obviously no where near actually marking them. And that is not illegal in England…

If they behave well, she will consider letting them have TV tomorrow. If they don’t behave well, they will not have TV tomorrow

100%

As other posters have said, you need to be stern but I would wonder where this is coming from. When my daughter was a little older than your children her behaviour and attitude towards me deteriorated with shouting, acting out and talking back appearing out of nowhere. I couldn't understand it as whilst she was never a shrinking violet, she wasn't usually rude towards me and aggressive. After a while I realised she was copying Tracey Beaker, a character from a TV show about a girl in care based on Jacqueline Wilson's books . I explained that whilst the girl on the show appeared to face very few real consequences of her behaviour, I would be imposing consequences as any self respecting person would not put up with Tracey Beaker's or her rudeness and surliness. I also limited her access to TB. If it isn't the way you or your husband speak about other people, find out the source of the attitude whilst imposing more consequences.