To be surprised at someone being pregnant at 44

You are the one who clearly has a chip on your shoulder about something and I don’t know why 😆 No child gives a toss about other kids visiting their grandparents. Dream on love !

Don’t you see that’s what you are doing 😂. Oh my I’ve touched a nerve here. You are resorting to ridiculous comments .

I had my DD at 42. No one at the school gates had any idea how old I was. Most people assume you’re in your 30s if you have a 5 year old. It was assumed that’s how old I was. Same happened to other members in my family who had babies in their 40s. All naturally conceived, much wanted babies. All happy and healthy.

Rare past 35?? The average age for first time mums is now 32. I had mine at 41 and 43, a relative at 45 and a friend had hers at 46. And many of my friends had at least one at 40 or above. Nothing rare about it!

It is definitely true. Some women might have a longer fertility cycle than others but it will be the very end of the cycle.
Sadly, many women wait until they’re 35 to start trying to get pregnant without any luck, longterm contraception the pill has to have an impact after fertility too.
If children is something that you truly want then it is better to start trying earlier.

That did make me laugh 😆

Right. Yeh I’m sure . That settles it then. You are an expert and can clearly decide what is best for everyone in the world to do regarding family planning based on your vast experience and first hand knowledge

It’s not true that fertility dives off a cliff for all women at 35. In my family women have had babies naturally at 42, 43, 44 and 48. I think it became rarer for women to have babies in their 40s when contraception was made more easily available. For women who had been having baby after baby until they physically couldn’t have any more, contraception was life changing.

With control over their lives, more women have a career before having babies and as the cost of buying a house and paying for childcare goes up, more women are having babies later as they can’t afford to have them any earlier.

Babies born to women in their 40s has risen consistently in the last few decades in England and Wales. There are now more babies born to women in their 40s than to teenage mums.

A quickly google shows this really isn’t a MN blip. Women in their 40s are having
more babies than women in their 20s currently.

https://www.adambalen.com/women-over-40-having-more-babies-than-under-20s/

Is it better to have no children if you don't have involved grandparents, or any grandparents at all?

Pedantic moi! Supports my words if that's all you can find to respond. It's a close relative who is living with me at the moment so i do see it first hand

Teens don’t need to be difficult for it to still be a full on phase of parenting. My teens aren’t difficult/have no behavioural issues… but the years of 14-18 have been our busiest yet in terms of support with emotional issues (break ups/friendship dramas), support with revision, GCSE’s, college applications, university applications, the increase in costs (which is huge) learning to drive, buying a car, 1am party pick ups, hosting mass sleepovers & parties, the constant sport/dance/work etc. It’s not a phase for the faint hearted!

Then it’s not actually “first hand experience “

Yes, that must be the case on your planet. Here, on planet earth, it can still happen after 35. Therefore when you decide to visit planet earth, if you are over 35 and don’t want children, you should take precautions. We look forward to seeing you.

I really don't see your point...defies all logic...things like that always exist...so just because of those stories you think it's better not to have an involved grandparents. That's like saying don't have any children as you might not make a good parent.

I had my two children at 36 and 38. I think that is much more common now than it was. Over 40 is still rare, I think, and would usually involve some kind of assisted reproduction, IVF or donor egg etc.

It's not just you though, it's also the health of your partner.

Being pregnant at 35 is not that rare, but being pregnant at 44 is. On Mumsnet you will get multiple posters claiming that loads of women they know had 2 or 3 babies in their 40s, and that 44 is a perfectly normal age to have a baby.

It's really not.

Parallel world of Mumsnet and all that.

@MO0N · Today 13:38

Of course it can happen at any age, (having a baby with special needs,) but the likelihood increases as the age of the parents increases.

@Mumstheword1983

I always find that interesting as in 11 years of teaching additional needs I've barely come across any 'older parents'.

That will be because, despite what you see on Mumsnet, most people are not having babies in their mid 40s and older! So the likelihood of you seeing a child with additional needs with a mother who had them at 44 is very low. Because the vast majority of people are not having babies at that age!

It's not me ,a close relative . I would not presume to speak for everyone but I'm just reiterating that a time of life when your body slows down, health issues often kick in having a teenager is not ideal...that's what I'm saying I see it first hand. Most teenagers have their challenges difficult or not. And there is also the issue of them being for example at university when one is in ones 70s.. financial implications... you can't possibly help them out if you are on a pension. Not that you have to of course but its nice to be able to ease that for them ahould you wish . Wait til you are in your 60s you might see what I mean then...you are possibly to young to grasp it now and how much energy levels drop

How many awful stories do you read on here about disinterested GPs who have never looked after the grandchildren, or awful MiLs where the parents have gone NC? DS 1 still had a granny when he was little, she wasn't interested at all. Wouldn't even hold him as a baby.

That’s very strange . I would argue abnormal behaviour. I certainly wasn’t jealous of anyone going to grandparents houses when I was a kid. “Why can’t I have a gran” never heard such bull tbh

Hard relate. I’m 36 and on the fence most of the time, but DP wants one (thankfully just one!), so we’ll start TTC in a couple of years when I’ll just have turned 38. Can’t start earlier because of other life stuff.

May I ask if you had your DS through IVF? I have no issue going down the IVF route (and I froze my eggs a few years ago, so my chances of IVF success are ever so slightly higher as would be using younger eggs), but would prefer to conceive naturally.

Most teenagers aren’t actually out of control nightmares.

That’s fair enough. I don’t think it sounds coercive at all, lots of people change their mind on kids as they get older or meet the right person. Sounds like she knows her own mind and is aware of the possibility of it being more difficult or not happening if left till later in life.
I think someone who’s happy to have a life with or without children will approach ttc differently than someone who definitely wants to be a parent anyway - The stakes are much lower so the timeline can be looser.

I just think a lot of people think having babies whenever they choose will be smooth sailing (and of course it’s exactly that for some) but for others it can be very different. I think there’s a lot of talk around pregnancy prevention which is very important but very little about fertility in general which is also very important considering it affects 1 in 6 people.

People should also be aware that not everyone is open about having help to get pregnant (as is their right) so perceptions might be skewed on how easy it is to get pregnant into your mid to late 40s.

I think it’s probably more common for women to have children in their mid thirties than below thirty now so post 35 is not rare at all.
My sister in law had her first and only at 42, my other sister in law had her last one at 43. My Grandmother had her last baby at 44 and I work with someone whose Mum had her at 45.
I had my first at 30 and last at 37, I would say most of the children in my youngest child’s class have parents a similar age to myself (early 40’s) there are a couple of parents in their late 20’s but the rest are mid 30’s onwards.