To be surprised at someone being pregnant at 44

I don't know whether to laugh or ask you why?

Life's not that simple i would have loved to have found a decent partner in my 20,s but instead i met a succession of men who didnt want to commit
I didnt meet my dh until I was 31
Some people dont meet anyone till later or some not at all.

Why is she confused? It appears she preferred a kid over no kids.

To add to this my grandfather was mid 40s when my dad was born and his wife (my grandmother) was 14 years younger. My grandfather lived to his 100s, my grand mother dies in her 40s (when my dad was primary school age.)

My friend just had her first baby at 46. She's knackered and confused as to why she made this decision... knowing her son will be an only child and have elderly parents young.

My parents had me at 34 and they died in their early-mid 60s so I was caring for them through cancer until death when I was only early 30s myself. Having to care for elderly or unwell parents at any age isn’t great.

You were lucky. Not everybody else is.

My dad was 47 when I was born. He lived until 90.

My mum was 32. She was dead before my 11th birthday and I spent years of my childhood helping to nurse her through cancer.

You don’t know what life will throw at you.

I had my last child, 6 years ago age 40.

I thought I was old (the other two I was 22 and 33).

No one batted an eyelid. My consultant (cons led as it was my 3rd elective section), told me I was very far from the oldest woman she would be seeing that day when I spoke to her about my age out of curiosity. No midwife ever commented on my age.

Even when I was having my section, the consultant doing it said I could have at least one more section safely, I laughed and said I was too old, he said, “you are only 40! You could easily have another.”

I thought it had increased to 30 now?

How do you know it was completely unnecessary? How do you know at what age she was able to have a child.

My paternal grandfather was in his 40s when he started having children and a number of my friends are having their first in their 40s.

In all cases it is because that was how long it took for them to be in a situation to have children.

This feels like a reverse. If so congratulations on your pregnancy at 44, OP.

The average age for childbirth in the UK is 29, so yes I would raise an eyebrow - but on Mumsnet it seems to almost be the norm. I personally wouldn't risk having children if I was over 40. The risk of complications is too high for my liking.

I never used to think much of older mothers until I net my current boyfriend. His mum was 45 when she had him and now hes looking after them due to ill health/old age before hes even 40 himself. I definitely think its selfish. Especially when its completely unnecessary.

Women in the old days were having kids well into their 40s. I know a lady who fell pregnant at 48 as they weren´t taking precautions because they thought it was impossible. Now they know otherwise. If you haven´t been through the menopause...

That myth is not sold to women. Women are actually continually warned about fertility. But life does not care about biology. Women I know who had kids “late” either did not want children and changed their minds late in life, or simply were not in a position to have them till late (largely due to lack of a suitable partner.)

Also I don’t think it’s people being snobby saying in London it’s normal. The cost of living is insane there. I was paying £1300 plus bills for a (small) room in a shared flat ten years ago. I’m a high earner but couldn’t buy a flat until I was in my thirties. You don’t get childcare help so the £2.5k a month nursery is a killer - it all needs to be saved up for. Hence why people are waiting. Because I think most people want secure safe housing and enough money to properly look after a child. It was definitely a consideration in me waiting until I was 35 to start trying, and I’d been with my partner for years by then

You must be joking?! 😆

My cousin and his wife were shocked when she fell pregnant accidentally at 48.

I think it is reasonable to think that was not possible.

To think it’s almost impossible to get pregnant post 35 however…

But if the stats broadly show 50% of women between 40-43 will get pregnant within a year, I’d think the fact only 6000 women of 43 and older are having babies each year might be because a lot of people are not actively trying then. As per the comments, a lot of people are done by then. Amongst my friends and colleagues, babies in their 40s is not unusual. Some first time mums, but mostly to be honest it’s those having 2nd or 3rd children. Amongst my friends, it hasn’t taken them long at all to get pregnant. I do also know a couple who had secondary infertility also. So it is so variable.

Omg you are both arguing like petulant children.
You are both as pathetic as each other, trying to get the last word in.
Give it a rest.

I support you have your DC young but don’t think having to live in a grotty bedsit in the early years is part and parcel of your parenthood. I had children before 23 and studied my degrees, I lived in a nice flat and then a house. I didn’t choose to become a mum the first time, but managed to turn out alright.

I honestly wouldn’t advise having children when living in insecure housing, sounds massively stressful! Respect you to though for persevering.

I think you've misread. I was 22 when I had my baby, my mum was 48 at the time.
I was making the point that a 44 year old pregnant woman wouldn't shock me as I understand it's possible, but I do consider 44 old to start trying.

I don't know anyone who thinks they have to have their whole list ticked off before ttc and that they'll then just get pregnant without any trouble. I know plenty who wouldn't want to be raising a kid skint and living in a bedsit.

You said you went for it young, lived in bedsits and raised kids together young. You implied all should go for this life. Youre now divorced. You now imply waiting till older is bonkers. I think youre wrong. There are a range of choices open to women now, including when they try to conceive. One of the factors to consider when making a choice for each of us is that fertility decreases for some in their late thirties. For various reasons, many still make that decision to have babies then. And go on to have happy families. Using words like a bonkers lie is just silly. It is a valid choice, just as having kids younger is. Both come with benefits and disadvantages. You were happy with your choice, lots of us are very happy with the (different) choices we made. Surely thats easy to understand?

My mum had me at 44. She was and is the best mum