To be surprised at someone being pregnant at 44

Point is I found a decent spouse at 23 got my arse in gear by committing and going on a journey to build a life together - we built our lives together while our counter parts were playing the field and travelling, dating and chipping and changing ( god knows what that most be like now in the ‘swipe left /right- always something better out there’culture etc.
We lived skint in the bedsit, had the first baby, did uni and post grad while the other worked, built the careers in turn, climbed the ladder while having more kids, bought the grotty one bed flat with two kids then built up from there

All I’m saying is if you want a family don’t delay ‘while doing you’
‘Do you ‘ while having a family young -it’s brilliant x

44 is not unusual. It’s not ideal.
30 is ideal.
20 to 24 is peak time.
38 onwards is dicing with fertility.
Menopause with a teenager is bad, menopause with a toddler is really bad.

In middle class circles it isn’t acceptable before 35 onwards.

I am 45, I’m the youngest mother in DD group of friends, she is 17, I was 28 giving birth, her friends parents well in the 50’s, most are divorced. I’ll be 52 when DS is 17, dreading it, couldn’t imagine been 52 with a 7 year old. I should have had mine earlier in hindsight.

Tbh a lot of her friends have problems with their parents as the parents just want peace and quiet, between menopause and their full life before children, they’re burnt out, very little input or patience. Generation disaster

Those of us who have grandkids in our 40s know it’s a very different type of tiredness running around in your 40s than 20s xx

But if your young adults have kids, and they all need support, you're split between helping with the grandkids, helping the parents and working possibly full time! Or they could be grand unt they in their 90s and you could and you could be incapable of supporting them because you're struggling in your late 60s.

Unless the 40 yo has their own small children e.g. care sandwich. Whereas my DM was 26 when I was born, by the time DGF & DGM need care I was in my 20/30s so could help with the elder care. Now my children are young adults if my DPs need support ( so far so good they are 76 and 78) then I am freer to provide that than if I still had dependant children.

People miss that there is a clear difference between a 50yo dying if they have grown up children (20s to 30s) vs a 5yo. And chances of death tend to increase with age, you cannot bank on living til 90+ (and still being fit and healthy).

But you are absolutely right that in terms of elder care, it’s not fun or desirable at any age. Is a 40yo having to care for a 80yo really worse than a 50-60yo having to do it? I really don’t think so.

Life's not that simple i would have loved to have found a decent partner in my 20,s but instead i met a succession of men who didnt want to commit
I didnt meet my dh until I was 31
Some people dont meet anyone till later or some not at all.

Hello to the other unicorns (seems there's a herd of us here galloping around Mumsnet). I had 2 in my Mumsnet-approved early 30s, then used pull out contraception for 13 years afterwards, which worked until suddenly it didn't.

My unicorn foal, born when I was 47, is currently 6 months and we've just read Peepo together. No covering up for a teenage pregnancy or IVF here, just a fun weekend away with the husband...

I find it bizarre how often this topic comes up. It's not really a "debate" because the stats are widely available. Someone else pointed out that every year in the UK there are about 2500 babies born to women over the age of 45.

I also found major studies done using family records of Quakers or Mormons from the 19th century which showed about 10% of the women who hadn't been widowed had their final baby after age 45, so hardly some kind of bizarre recent phenomenon. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4270889/. It was also correlated with longer lifespan in both the mother and her siblings.

Personally I would say that a 17/14 year age gap is fab in terms of getting some help, they fight over who gets to play with him after school.

People miss that there is a clear difference between a 50yo dying if they have grown up children (20s to 30s) vs a 5yo. And chances of death tend to increase with age, you cannot bank on living til 90+ (and still being fit and healthy).

But you are absolutely right that in terms of elder care, it’s not fun or desirable at any age. Is a 40yo having to care for a 80yo really worse than a 50-60yo having to do it? I really don’t think so.

She's just had a baby. Knackered and confused is fairly typical regardless of age 😂

My friend just had her first baby at 46. She's knackered and confused as to why she made this decision... knowing her son will be an only child and have elderly parents young.

Women in the old days were having kids well into their 40s. I know a lady who fell pregnant at 48 as they weren´t taking precautions because they thought it was impossible. Now they know otherwise. If you haven´t been through the menopause...

I agree with this. Dont believe all the posts about getting pregnant for the first time at mid 40's after 1 month of trying!

A friend of mine left it to 36. Wanted the big old white wedding which took 1 year of planning even though she had been married before. It never happened. She had gone through an early menopause and apparently didnt realise.

I never used to think much of older mothers until I net my current boyfriend. His mum was 45 when she had him and now hes looking after them due to ill health/old age before hes even 40 himself. I definitely think its selfish. Especially when its completely unnecessary.

Life's not that simple i would have loved to have found a decent partner in my 20,s but instead i met a succession of men who didnt want to commit
I didnt meet my dh until I was 31
Some people dont meet anyone till later or some not at all.

My mums cousin had a baby and had had 20 years of cancer treatment (which they said would make her infertile ) she was 57 it wasn’t planned.

Start now!

My parents had me at 34 and they died in their early-mid 60s so I was caring for them through cancer until death when I was only early 30s myself. Having to care for elderly or unwell parents at any age isn’t great.

It's 29.6 according to the Gov website.

I thought it had increased to 30 now?