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Original poster

Not wanting mil to stay

106 replies

WhyWomen26 · 07/02/2026 18:51

I probably am bu but I don’t care!
my mil is hard work - we do get on now in small doses I can tolerate her for a few hours
But even my teenagers are fed up with her after a few hours!
anyway yes there is history she’s been nasty and I’ve bitten back and we’ve had fall outs however we are ok now - as I say only in small short doses

however Today she’s announced that she’s moving 5 hours away (she currently lives just over an hours drive away)
and the new place it’s about 3.5-4 on a train five hours drive!
this will mean she will 100% want to stay over!!
Help my husband is spineless and won’t say no! - He’s pathetic and literally can’t say anything to her.

she has stayed in the past and honestly it was so bad we had a fall out for almost a year once
was bliss where she didn’t talk to us!
but I can’t be arsed with the drama!

and before anyone says it “do I have my family to stay?” the answer is also - hell NO…

I don’t like house guests full stop

I can tolerate short day visits, probably an occasional night, but she would (& did take the piss)
She once stayed 5 nights because we’d asked her to babysit for a night out occasion! And when I asked her how much longer are you planning on staying , she got so pissed off and said I’ll leave then shall I !! And literally slammed doors and walked out there and then!
I was like ffs ok you’ve been here five days already , bye then! - It’s just so immature
seriously you can’t have a conversation with her - cant ask simple questions, because she becomes insulted and flustered and pissed off “you don’t want me blah blah blah” (well no actually I don’t)
but unfortunately my husband does!!!
Send help!! Advice, tips , excuses??

OP posts:
Hedgehogforshort · 07/02/2026 20:04

nomas · 07/02/2026 19:49

Are you not sad for the way OP was treated?

Why is your sadness just for MILs? Biased much.

Show quote history

You miss the point totally one day you will all be mils….

TomatoSandwiches · 07/02/2026 19:57

Just tell her you don't have any house guests even your family, say you find relationships are kept in good shape with a bit of space and gice her a list of places local she can stay, perhaps pay for or towards it if you can.

Shitwithsugar · 07/02/2026 19:53

Thank goodness our family all live within a 25 minutes drive.
No adults need to stay over.
Only people who have stayed are the grandchildren for sleep overs.

nomas · 07/02/2026 19:49

Hedgehogforshort · 07/02/2026 19:47

These sort of MIL posts make me feel so sad.

As a mother I would remind myself that the man i loved was made in her womb, she fed and nurtured him and was always loyal and loving to him.

And he loves her still.

She drove me nuts sometimes with her interfering behaviours and opinions, and i moaned like hell at my DH about her sometimes major infractions.

I look back in shame of some of the things i said.

I am a MIL now and a grandmother of three from two children. I do my best but am certain i am not perfect.

I once was you, and one day you will be me, so try and compromise, whatever that looks like.

Are you not sad for the way OP was treated?

Why is your sadness just for MILs? Biased much.

Hedgehogforshort · 07/02/2026 19:47

These sort of MIL posts make me feel so sad.

As a mother I would remind myself that the man i loved was made in her womb, she fed and nurtured him and was always loyal and loving to him.

And he loves her still.

She drove me nuts sometimes with her interfering behaviours and opinions, and i moaned like hell at my DH about her sometimes major infractions.

I look back in shame of some of the things i said.

I am a MIL now and a grandmother of three from two children. I do my best but am certain i am not perfect.

I once was you, and one day you will be me, so try and compromise, whatever that looks like.

Endofyear · 07/02/2026 19:40

You need to have the conversation with your husband and set clear boundaries now. Tell him his mother will need to stay in a b&b or hotel nearby when she visits.

By the way, if you're married the home is a marital asset no matter who owns it. Just in case you ever split, you should be aware of this.

Zanatdy · 07/02/2026 19:37

WhyWomen26 · 07/02/2026 19:33

Wow!!! Just wow!!

Show quote history

Pretty common as the visit visa is valid for 6 months. Colleagues at work have parents / in-laws coming for 6 months too, and you never hear them complain about it.

rockingroller · 07/02/2026 19:37

You could tell her that if she moves she's welcome to come for one night stays, but you find house guests stressful and can't manage longer. Tell DH the same.

Original poster
WhyWomen26 · 07/02/2026 19:33

DillyDallyingAllDay · 07/02/2026 19:32

Just want to put it out there that I have a friend whose mil lives 3000 miles away and she comes to stay for 6 months!l Found out about this a few days ago and can’t get over it 🤯🤯

Wow!!! Just wow!!

OP posts:
DillyDallyingAllDay · 07/02/2026 19:32

Just want to put it out there that I have a friend whose mil lives 3000 miles away and she comes to stay for 6 months!l Found out about this a few days ago and can’t get over it 🤯🤯

Original poster
WhyWomen26 · 07/02/2026 19:30

nomas · 07/02/2026 19:26

But OP is the one who has been overtaken by Mil, she doesn’t have to put up with that behaviour.

Why is it when women try to put in place boundaries for their own mental well being, they’re told that they’re not being nice?

Show quote history

Probably expected to be a doormat!!
id personally respect other people’s boundaries and id ask what is expected
not just turn up with an open ended invitation in mind!!
id also respect my husband if it were him saying that he didn’t want or like something to happen
i like to communicate so I know exactly what is expected
unfortunately he and his mother do none of that

OP posts:
nomas · 07/02/2026 19:26

Soonenough · 07/02/2026 19:02

You don't sound very nice sorry . Liking your mother doesn't make a person spineless . Don't want your own family around either . Who do you like ?

But OP is the one who has been overtaken by Mil, she doesn’t have to put up with that behaviour.

Why is it when women try to put in place boundaries for their own mental well being, they’re told that they’re not being nice?

nomas · 07/02/2026 19:24

namechangeabc123 · 07/02/2026 19:04

Never say yes in the first place. Turn your spare room into a gym or something. Set that boundary from the start. I said yes to my MIL, many years ago, when she invited herself to come and stay. Over the years it snowballed and it’s now a constant battle to keep her away. WTF is wrong with these women. I’d never do that to my kids! Once a year is ok, but any more than that is a massive piss take.

💯 this. Be clear from the start that she needs to book a hotel or bnb.

Original poster
WhyWomen26 · 07/02/2026 19:20

LindorDoubleChoc · 07/02/2026 19:18

Presumably you co-own your house with DH and he gets a say in who comes to stay? Or does your attitude towards him = he's spineless because he wants to maintain a relationship with his Mum?

Actually I own it
I inherited it from family great grandparents
but I just don’t like house guests he goes on plenty of mates holidays and trips away etc I just don’t like people starting in my space

OP posts:
Original poster
WhyWomen26 · 07/02/2026 19:18

Applecup · 07/02/2026 19:14

So she’s moving closer to her brother and friends who need help. She doesn’t sound a bad person. I wonder what her side of the story is.

Probably very different
i didn’t say she was a bad person she does what she wants to do but doesn’t ask or take anyone else’s opinion on anything it’s her way or no way there’s no give or take it’s all her terms
I don’t think she’s evil she just wants to be overly involved in what I consider intrusive and too overbearing
it’s not what I want or need
maybe for some it’s good
she wants to be very involved that’s great news for some it’s just too much for me, I don’t need days and days with somebody with no breaks I like quiet and down time

OP posts:
LindorDoubleChoc · 07/02/2026 19:18

Presumably you co-own your house with DH and he gets a say in who comes to stay? Or does your attitude towards him = he's spineless because he wants to maintain a relationship with his Mum?

Applecup · 07/02/2026 19:14

So she’s moving closer to her brother and friends who need help. She doesn’t sound a bad person. I wonder what her side of the story is.

SBGM247 · 07/02/2026 19:12

WhyWomen26 · 07/02/2026 19:05

Maybe I’m not
i like people that have mutual respect ,can respect privacy and boundaries
Didn’t say I didn’t want them around at all
i I said I didn’t want them sleeping over
i do not need to see somebody else’s face that I don’t live with for 16 hours of the day and have someone in my personal space literally every single awake moment because that is what they do
i feel like I can’t breathe so if that makes me bad then so be it

Show quote history

It's her choice to move 5 hours away. I was in a similar position years ago and long story short, I had to cut off my mother to protect my DW and kids. Because like you say didn't understand boundaries. And yes, she moved away and expected everyone to just travel. Which we did at first. Silly me.

Original poster
WhyWomen26 · 07/02/2026 19:10

namechangeabc123 · 07/02/2026 19:04

Never say yes in the first place. Turn your spare room into a gym or something. Set that boundary from the start. I said yes to my MIL, many years ago, when she invited herself to come and stay. Over the years it snowballed and it’s now a constant battle to keep her away. WTF is wrong with these women. I’d never do that to my kids! Once a year is ok, but any more than that is a massive piss take.

Yes!! This is literally what happened with us!!
we said yes in the beginning it turned into every weekend then became Thursday to Sunday! I’m not even joking
it was a complete piss take and honestly I think it was all about having a second chance at motherhood as that’s what she did and took 95% over my baby! I was a young first time mum and was overwhelmed and she took advantage of this, and no I won’t ever forget.
it’s bad and I’d never ever treat my children the way she did and does! I respect them for a start and would hate to intrude upon their lives

OP posts:
SBGM247 · 07/02/2026 19:10

BaileysHotChocolateByThePool · 07/02/2026 19:01

Don't leave it to DH tell her yourself you don't do house guests so she'll need a hotel if she plans to visit.

Say it everytime after that its brought up.

If she rocks up/husband let's her come you leave, go to a hotel. When you go back you tell DH if it happens again its the end. They both need to know you are serious.

I can't do house guests either. Some people just need privacy and a safe space. But after your past experience you shouldn't have to host.

Good luck

This.

Original poster
WhyWomen26 · 07/02/2026 19:05

Soonenough · 07/02/2026 19:02

You don't sound very nice sorry . Liking your mother doesn't make a person spineless . Don't want your own family around either . Who do you like ?

Maybe I’m not
i like people that have mutual respect ,can respect privacy and boundaries
Didn’t say I didn’t want them around at all
i I said I didn’t want them sleeping over
i do not need to see somebody else’s face that I don’t live with for 16 hours of the day and have someone in my personal space literally every single awake moment because that is what they do
i feel like I can’t breathe so if that makes me bad then so be it

OP posts:
namechangeabc123 · 07/02/2026 19:04

Never say yes in the first place. Turn your spare room into a gym or something. Set that boundary from the start. I said yes to my MIL, many years ago, when she invited herself to come and stay. Over the years it snowballed and it’s now a constant battle to keep her away. WTF is wrong with these women. I’d never do that to my kids! Once a year is ok, but any more than that is a massive piss take.

Original poster
WhyWomen26 · 07/02/2026 19:03

BaileysHotChocolateByThePool · 07/02/2026 19:01

Don't leave it to DH tell her yourself you don't do house guests so she'll need a hotel if she plans to visit.

Say it everytime after that its brought up.

If she rocks up/husband let's her come you leave, go to a hotel. When you go back you tell DH if it happens again its the end. They both need to know you are serious.

I can't do house guests either. Some people just need privacy and a safe space. But after your past experience you shouldn't have to host.

Good luck

Thank you that’s really helpful and good advice it is kinda what I was thinking.

OP posts:
Soonenough · 07/02/2026 19:02

You don't sound very nice sorry . Liking your mother doesn't make a person spineless . Don't want your own family around either . Who do you like ?

BaileysHotChocolateByThePool · 07/02/2026 19:01

Don't leave it to DH tell her yourself you don't do house guests so she'll need a hotel if she plans to visit.

Say it everytime after that its brought up.

If she rocks up/husband let's her come you leave, go to a hotel. When you go back you tell DH if it happens again its the end. They both need to know you are serious.

I can't do house guests either. Some people just need privacy and a safe space. But after your past experience you shouldn't have to host.

Good luck