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Original poster

Should men be using soap to wash their beef flute?

167 replies

TeenyWeenyPolkaDotPeeny · 07/02/2026 17:44

Just that really.

OP posts:
Warmlover · 07/02/2026 23:49

Why do people on MN get so over excited about some shit chav slang for genitals?

no-one needs to ‘enter it’ for anything. And how is a shit phrase for a dick ‘a classic?’ I mean we could all just list stupid words we’ve heard. Maybe it would entertain some people here I’m sure….

SerendipityJane · 07/02/2026 21:22

another MN entry for the Profanisaurus ....

LionKing88 · 07/02/2026 21:20

Beef flute is my new favourite term for penis 🤣🤣🤣

Kingsleadhat · 07/02/2026 21:06

I've heard it called a pork sword. Seems more aggressive than a beef flute

GasperyJacquesRoberts · 07/02/2026 20:44

aniloD · 07/02/2026 20:25

Miriam Margolyes on the other hand

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I thought Miriam Margolyes was much more likely to be dining at the Y than offering anyone a blow- or suck-job.

aniloD · 07/02/2026 20:25

TeenyWeenyPolkaDotPeeny · 07/02/2026 18:43

I think that’s just because the term blow job feels classier than suck job. I can’t imagine dame Judy Dench offering her fella a suck job.

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Miriam Margolyes on the other hand

Bikergran · 07/02/2026 20:05

Mysterian · 07/02/2026 17:55

A phrase from a Peter Cook sketch.

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The Goon Show first, I believe.

Flannelfeet · 07/02/2026 20:03

thenightsky · 07/02/2026 19:59

Blowing and strumming? I can name that tune in... Hmm Grin

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Did you play that on the beef flute 🪈?
I think I just spewed in my mouth 🤢😬

thenightsky · 07/02/2026 19:59

InveterateWineDrinker · 07/02/2026 18:26

Or you could just strum the banjo string.

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Blowing and strumming? I can name that tune in... Hmm Grin

Flannelfeet · 07/02/2026 19:47

Sack that!! 🤣🤣

Tableforjoan · 07/02/2026 19:42

I mean come here and let me suck you off sounds much nicer than come here and let me blow you one 🤣🤣😏

One sounds like a bj one sounds like a fart 🤣🤣

Chellybelle · 07/02/2026 19:40

Not funny enough for classics.

bookwormcrazy · 07/02/2026 19:38

muddyford · 07/02/2026 17:51

A friend called it a pink oboe, much to the entertainment of our vicar friend! Never heard beef flute before.

Pink oboe made me laugh out loud so much! 😂😂

Original poster
TeenyWeenyPolkaDotPeeny · 07/02/2026 19:37

TheMorgenmuffel · 07/02/2026 19:32

I really don't want to picture dame Judy deep throating thank you muchly.

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throating 😭 stop it!

OP posts:
InveterateWineDrinker · 07/02/2026 19:36

JustNotFeelingItToday · 07/02/2026 19:12

But why beef? Beef is brown unless it's raw. Whilst there are some brown penises there are also many that are not.

It just doesn't really make any sense? Unless I'm missing something.

Boarding school. All penises get browned at one point or another. If one goes in raw, that is.

ThisTaupeZebra · 07/02/2026 19:35

Warmlover · 07/02/2026 18:04

Men’s penises do not exist to be sucked. And women don’t exist to ‘play’ them.

I think peak Mumsnet was just reached.

TheMorgenmuffel · 07/02/2026 19:32

TeenyWeenyPolkaDotPeeny · 07/02/2026 18:43

I think that’s just because the term blow job feels classier than suck job. I can’t imagine dame Judy Dench offering her fella a suck job.

Show quote history

I really don't want to picture dame Judy deep throating thank you muchly.

Isabella70 · 07/02/2026 19:27

Mysterian · 07/02/2026 17:55

A phrase from a Peter Cook sketch.

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I remember reading that Cook was still writing this ten minutes before going on stage and was running around saying something like "I need more metaphors!" and it was actually Billy Connolly who came up with it. But brilliantly delivered by Cook.

- YouTube

Enjoy the videos and music that you love, upload original content and share it all with friends, family and the world on YouTube.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kyos-M48B8U

watermybegonias · 07/02/2026 19:18

And now I am laughing because the ‘similar threads’ suggested by Mumsnet are:

How can you cook meals in a shower?
I’m a play therapist, AMA
To ask if this is normal for a blood test to leave this mark
Do you think it’s expected for a bride to pay for bridesmaids’ make up?

Some weird thinking re links there ….

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 07/02/2026 19:17

Pork sword is better 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Original poster
TeenyWeenyPolkaDotPeeny · 07/02/2026 19:17

TitsInAbsentia · 07/02/2026 19:16

If they've had piercings maybe!

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ahh yes a built in door knocker, can’t beat it.

OP posts:
TitsInAbsentia · 07/02/2026 19:16

NewYearNewMee · 07/02/2026 17:45

Beef flute? If it’s whistling a tune you’ll want to get it checked out.

If they've had piercings maybe!

Rayburn · 07/02/2026 19:16

JustNotFeelingItToday · 07/02/2026 19:12

But why beef? Beef is brown unless it's raw. Whilst there are some brown penises there are also many that are not.

It just doesn't really make any sense? Unless I'm missing something.

Men’s parts are often darker than the rest of them.

Rayburn · 07/02/2026 19:15

Tableforjoan · 07/02/2026 17:59

I don’t think dh would be impressed if I blew across it.

Wouldn’t it be more clarinet though again the blowing down it may be an issue. Because I played flute and I’ve never treated a penis like that 🤣

Clarinet requires subtle fingering.

Original poster
TeenyWeenyPolkaDotPeeny · 07/02/2026 19:14

Soonenough · 07/02/2026 19:09

Beef jerky more like . And a bit of carbolic soap 🫧 🧼 with a nail brush should ensure that just washed freshness all men aspire to .

And a straw cleaner for good measure?

OP posts: