To let you all know that the Child Maintenance Service..

Oooooh a new girlfriend helping her, then, partner to reduce the CMS claim. I wasn't sure if you were a bloke, a new girlfriend, or the mum of a son with a child. Had to be one.

What about the rest of these multiple men you know who have had thousands added to their claims fraudulently. The statistics show that there is a very small percentage of CMS claims that have been resolved through the ICE, so it's amazing that you know multiple guys who have had this happen. What are the chances.

Enjoy your night thinking all women are nasty money grabbers for wanting their children's fathers to contribute to raising them.

The only NRP’s I know who don’t pay CM are those that have been married and agreed to have children and then walked away.

They are 40 somethings.

One is a millionaire and his kids have free school meals -

The other saved and co tributes to IVF after years of trying and no longer sees his kids as he shags his way through multiple woman.

Woman left holding the baby lose out on jobs, promotions, overtime, home ownerships, pensions pay rises, woman always come off worse

It is a disgrace, but we get the service
the general public care about . Because people don’t care about it. So the CMS can’t do more.
How much will enforcement cost? What hoops do they have to compete. Because everything will need to be done perfectly so they the NRP will probably appeal. And win!
Look at the threads on here where people tell other parents they get nothing so should be grateful for a pittance.
And when they get a new partner and she has a baby then no chance.

That’s funny….

no online pals needed, lived through it with my ex who I actually helped have them removed. Could go on but you’re not open minded to see both sides.

it has been proven that cms make mistakes hence why ICE over turns calculations. The same mistakes the old system made.
NRP should pay if not sanctions should
happen but there must be a better way.

anyway enjoy your night believing all NRP are deadbeats.

You refuse to believe I am a women as I am not bashing NRP and just want to see a system that is fair. Rp have lots of voices fighting their case but as soon as NRP stand up they are accused of being deadbeats or failing their children. I am not defending the ones that jump from job to job to avoid payment. I am defending the ones that want to pay but are faced with issues constantly.

sorry that your ex won’t support his children. Clearly the system has failed your children.
there is a difference between supporting your children and being made to pay an amount on imaginary money.

I'm sure all of your online pals have told you that they have had thousands and thousands added for no reason so their ex can spend all the money on herself and the kids are abused and neglected. That's the usual story isn't it?

A little critical thinking wouldn't go amiss.

I do personally know men that have had thousands of arrears added falsely to their case.. You may not want to believe that as it would go against the plot line of all NRP are deadbeats and don’t want to pay.

Out of interest, how did you personally meet these men? F4J meet-ups?

I do personally know men that have had thousands of arrears added falsely to their case.. You may not want to believe that as it would go against the plot line of all NRP are deadbeats and don’t want to pay.

nope maintenance is not about being some type of favour and women are just meanies. I used them because of a bitter new partner not that I used the money for the up keep f my children it went straight into their saving account.

cms and contact arrangements brings out the worst in people and often the best thing for the child is never considered.

leaving it here as you seem very narrow minded and refuse to see a system that is meant to be about children is abused by both sides.

Are you a man?? I say this as someone who’s ex refuses to pay a penny and I can promise you that it’s not about how much money “I can get for myself” or spite, or as you’ve put it elsewhere “revenge”
Its about a parent, who chose to have the children too, paying a share of the costs of raising those children.

Im finding it hard to believe you’re a woman if I’m honest

By wanting to prevent them from fulfilling that obligation in case they aren't sleeping in a gutter, sobbing for the one who got away? Yeah, wow.

@Chell2281 You’ve summed up my ex in a nutshell!

Only out for himself and not caring how his non-payment of maintenance affects our kids.

Money really has brought out the worst in him.

FYI - the only people the CMS needs to be fair to are the children involved who deserve to be supported both of their parents.

I think if you have a situation where a man doesn't want to be a father but is forced to, he's always going to be reluctant to pay. Especially if he feels it's hitting him at a time when he's trying to get a foothold in the world whilst the mother is using it to improve her own situation - free housing, income, etc.

Yes, using contraception is usually the answer but it can fail. And really if the girl is as keen as him at the time then both parties are equally culpable. It's not an easy solution.

Those that say young people should just abstain from having sex if not prepared to be a parent aren't living in the real world. Usually it's women that say this and they'll never be in the situation where they're forced to become a parent against their will, unless they live in certain parts of the US.

Not defending deadbeat dads. Just saying that if an 18yo bloke has a drunken shag at party with a girl he hasn't seen since and is then told he's going to be a father whether or not he likes it, he'll often drag his heels in paying because it's the only way he can push back.

You keep talking about maintenence as though it's some type of favour, that women who claim are just big meanies, that you personally know multiple men who have had thousands and thousands randomly added to their CMS for no reason, refused to acknowledge that this issue overwhelmingly affects women.... if it sounds like an MRA, and it acts like an MRA, chances are it's likely to be an MRA.

Very telling for what???

that I have seen how both sides are affected by a system that clearly doesn’t work for anybody.

that some times it isn’t clear cut that NRP is a dead beat and refuses to pay. Some times rp are not aware of things that happen on the other side.

forgive me for wanting a system that is fair for everyone not just women. Surely for change to happen people should debate and discuss how we as adults can fight for the children having a decent life with both parents.

The majority of us RPs on here are looking out for our kids because the NRPs don't give a shit about their own children suffering.

Stop trying to make on like it's equal, your language throughout this thread is very telling.

Post like this shows a majority of people are only out for themselves not caring who they affect as long as it’s not them that suffer. That is towards nrp and rp

money is a horrible subject and brings out the worst in people

You see expecting the non-res parent to fulfil their legal obligation to financially contribute to the upbringing of their own offspring as "revenge"? Wow.

This thread has proven what the problem is.

Single mums only really have themselves and the majority of other women on their side.

NRP - usually men - have men on their side, and a whole host of pick me women bending over backwards to explain why expecting an absent dad to contribute financially towards his children is a bad idea.

It’s insane.

The single biggest thing that would change NRP's paying - and in many cases paying without event requiring CMS intervention - is societal changes.

Blokes can sit in the pub and openly say "I'm not paying her, she'll just use it for hair and nails" and they know that their mates aren't going to call them out on it.

My ex started paying when his senior officers got wind of the fact he wasn't and it was made clear to him that if there was any truth in the 'rumour' they'd be very disappointed in him and it may even impact his progression. Money was in my bank before you could even say 'army welfare'.

I was in quite an unusual situation in that my ex's parents were horrified when they found out he walked away and didn't pay a penny (or see his daughters). In all the years I've been on MN I've only seen one or two other people say they experienced similar.

A close friend of mine had a nightmare with her ex over maintenance , he didn't see why he would be "funding her lifestyle" until he met a woman who basically said to him that if he didn't take responsibility for his kids she'd be offski.

Whilst there will always be some who try and dodge paying regardless, there would be much more who would pay if they thought for a second their spot on the 5-a-side time would be at risk if they didn't because their mates would think he was a dick, or that relationship prospects would be genuinely damaged. If family and friends openly said "that's shit behaviour" and society was as nasty about non payers as they are single parents more would pay.

The only time I agreed with the reduction for new children in the NRP's household was the period when CMS counted tax credits claimed for those children as income. That wasn't right.

My partners reduced £10 for our child. What an insult but we Carried on paying the same amount to a woman who didn’t work Because benefits and cms payments gave her a free ride and holidays aboard.

my exes partner all ready had 5 children she hated mine went onto to have another 4 so 9 in total. I know it’s only 3 kids taken into account but I did not see it as an issue because at the end of the day them children like mine were innocent and caught up in a battle about money. My children have no relationship with their dad due to him not wanting to upset the apple cart in his house.

It just grates me that majority of the time people are happy to donate to children’s charities but people’s attitudes seem to
change when it comes to half siblings or step children. Children are used so much in adults games to get one over on the other parent.

yes If the NRP moves in with other children there is a reduction made. Very small reduction

Its interesting how it's always claimed this it's a "very small reduction" and therefore the RP can manage without it. Yet its not such a small reduction that the NRP could actually still pay it.

Men shouldn't be moving on and having "new" families, without making sure they can still afford to contribute towards the old one. That's what RPs have to do. Its not about me wanting his step children to go without basics, but not wanting mine to as a result of them. That's not fair either.

When I lived with someone who wasn't my DCs dad, we had to discuss finances before hand, as him moving in meant I lost my benefits. Other than child benefit. This meant that realistically he had to pay towards my DC, which he was happy to do. But we decided we couldn't afford more DC without negatively impacting on the existing ones.

My ex OTOH, moved in with a woman with DC. Found out that he was allowed to reduce his maintenance, which he thought was hysterical. Then went on to have 3 more, reducing payment to mine everytime. He also reduced how much time he spent with them. They have suffered as a direct consequence. They've never gone without basics, but I have to make sure they haven't.

When my step-dad moved in with us he kept paying the same rate of maintenance as always to his ex wife. Which was above the recommended amount at the time. Which is how it should have been. My own dad didn't reduce payments when he moved in with his now wife either.

Wish there was more people who thought like you. RP are more concerned what they can get for their house never considering if it would affect the NRP relationship with the child/ren.

Sigh. Not everything in life has to be a conspiracy, just because it doesn't agree with your opinions.

Personally, I preferred my child's father to actually earn a living. It meant he had somewhere to live and a means of feeding her, so she was able to maintain a relationship with him - which was a damn sight more important than petty revenge. Didn't change him from being a dickhead, mind, but he was a dickhead who was consistently present in her life, as was her right.