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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to search DS16's mail

36 replies

MyQuaintHedgehog · 07/02/2026 14:40

DS16 makes money by doing tutoring. He's started ordering items online, most of the time they are from popular retailers such as amazon but sometimes they are from unknown retailers to me. There's been an influx of online orders by him recently. I've temporarily withheld his most recent package and I'm asking him to explain what he's buying. He said that I am being intrusive and it's "none of my business". I don't know how to proceed. I respect his privacy and so don't want to go through his mail however equally I am entitled to question what hes buying; teens like to experiment and push boundaries so chances are it could be something he shouldn't have. How should I proceed? Should I hand over the package to him or AIBU to at least question his purchases? I don't want to invade his privacy but equally I want to maintain safety.

OP posts:
TartanMammy · 07/02/2026 16:32

He's 16, it's his own money..what are you worried about? Is he usually a good kid?

You're going to feel pretty bad about this if it turns out it's a birthday gift for you or similar scenario.

He's entitled to some privacy, unless you have reason to believe it's illicit or harmful stuff he's ordering.

BashfulClam · 07/02/2026 15:39

This lad is going to move out asap and cut contact.

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · 07/02/2026 15:17

Unless you genuinely believe it is something illegal leave him alone.

Luckyingame · 07/02/2026 15:16

Exactly what the last poster said.
Give it time....

IMTHECRAZYOLDLADY · 07/02/2026 15:12

You’re just beginning to destroy a trusting relationship with your ds, and moving forward into young adulthood, it will be important. I suggest you change your ways, but I don’t know how you will move forward from this stage where you have shown him that you don’t trust him, you’re willing to commit theft by not giving him his own property, and that you’re very controlling

PistolPacker · 07/02/2026 15:10

I'd ask rather than snoop if i was concerned.

Tempodrom · 07/02/2026 15:10

Surely you can google the retailer?

ForensicFlossy · 07/02/2026 15:09

Is there a massive backstory about why you don't trust him?

GreenGodiva · 07/02/2026 15:04

What are you actually worried about it being op? A fleshlight? a vape? Artificial hormones? A knife? An illegal passport? And yes I do think it matters. If it’s a sextoy then it’s none of your business. If you suspect your son is trying to purchase something illegal then that’s a little different. Why is your child tutoring if he’s invited in illegal activity?

or ( and let’s be honest) you are just really nosey.

BashfulClam · 07/02/2026 14:55

you witheld his mail? Wow, I had a nosey mother but my mail was private! Maybe try trusting him!

ghostofchristmaspasta · 07/02/2026 14:45

What are you concerned about possibly being in there?

On the one hand if he has form for being rebellious, maybe using drugs etc. I’d understand your worry.

On the other hand he is 16, earning his own money, and in a couple of short years will be able to do as he wishes.

I would let him have his privacy unless I had reasonable suspicion that he is actually doing anything illegal or dangerous.

Edited for clarity :)