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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to search DS16's mail

36 replies

MyQuaintHedgehog · 07/02/2026 14:40

DS16 makes money by doing tutoring. He's started ordering items online, most of the time they are from popular retailers such as amazon but sometimes they are from unknown retailers to me. There's been an influx of online orders by him recently. I've temporarily withheld his most recent package and I'm asking him to explain what he's buying. He said that I am being intrusive and it's "none of my business". I don't know how to proceed. I respect his privacy and so don't want to go through his mail however equally I am entitled to question what hes buying; teens like to experiment and push boundaries so chances are it could be something he shouldn't have. How should I proceed? Should I hand over the package to him or AIBU to at least question his purchases? I don't want to invade his privacy but equally I want to maintain safety.

OP posts:
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JohnofWessex · 08/02/2026 14:03

This is the Night Mail crossing the border.........

WH Auden 1935

BashfulClam · 08/02/2026 13:56

SargeMarge · 08/02/2026 13:35

But no one in this country actually says, “the mail is here.” We say post.

Show quote history

I say mail too. We also have a mailroom at work not a postroom.

Ponoka7 · 08/02/2026 13:41

Interesting answers. The parents of the Southport murderer were criticised for not questioning his packages of knives and substances. Likewise parents can be charged with terrorism offences if their, under 18 year old is having bomb making substances delivered to their address. So on the fence, but I'd want to know.

Thanksforyourlackofthought · 08/02/2026 13:36

I say Mail.

SargeMarge · 08/02/2026 13:35

HoppityBun · 07/02/2026 17:29

Guess what it says on the outside of Postman Pat’s van?

Show quote history

But no one in this country actually says, “the mail is here.” We say post.

GreenIsTheColourOfMyHoliday · 07/02/2026 17:58

Actually, I think I recognise this one, or similar, for similar such nonsense posts...

99pwithaflake · 07/02/2026 17:49

Oh look, another weird thread from a user with a random "three word" username that plops and runs...

QuietPiggy · 07/02/2026 17:48

I wouldn't do it out of mere curiosity, but I would if I had reason to think he might be ordering something I would not be prepared to have in my house.

Octavia64 · 07/02/2026 17:48

This seems very unlikely.

bladed articles (knives and the like) are quite strictly controlled.

illegal drugs don’t normally come through the mail.

porn is usually online these days.

what on earth do you suspect him of ordering?

Christmasinmecar · 07/02/2026 17:44

Madarch · 07/02/2026 17:39

My dad used to mess with my post.

I still talk about what a horrendous controlling arsehole he was 35 years later.

MY mum used to do this and try to listen in on phone calls in the landline only days when I was 16 /17.

ExtraOnions · 07/02/2026 17:40

DD has been ordering her own stuff since this age, and I’ve never looked. From what I can tell it’s mostly skin stuff, game collectibles, and key rings / charms.
I trust my child to not be ordering Machetes and Crack

Madarch · 07/02/2026 17:39

My dad used to mess with my post.

I still talk about what a horrendous controlling arsehole he was 35 years later.

Pancakeflipper · 07/02/2026 17:38

I think this depends on your son. You know him. Is he likely to be getting into areas that are illegal, ethically worrying etc?

I would have concerns with one of my teens, who is bright but naive, easily led , no common sense etc. I'd not snoop but I'd be wanting to know what sort of things are being delivered to our house.

At 16 they need privacy but also support and guidance.

feathermucker · 07/02/2026 17:38

Absolutely NOT the way to build or maintain trust OP.

ginasevern · 07/02/2026 17:35

I guess earning money correlates with him being able to afford stuff. It's easy to get carried away with buying online. But I presume you have something nagging at the back of your mind? Are there any red flags around his behaviour lately?

Tableforjoan · 07/02/2026 17:34

If my mother was searching my mail id start ordering dodgy things and giant butt plugs, religious items against hers and all sorts.

There are companies you can even use that will packages your items like “big dildos are us”

🤣

GreenIsTheColourOfMyHoliday · 07/02/2026 17:32

If it was dodgy he wouldn't get it delivered to the house... or he will stop now and get it delivered to an Inpost Locker or Royal Mail locker or Evri pickup point or similar where you can't snoop!

If you're worried, Google the retailers. Chances are it's probably one of the merch sites for a streamer or the TikTok shop or similar

Nosy cow comes to mind

HoppityBun · 07/02/2026 17:29

SargeMarge · 07/02/2026 17:17

Are you American? Because you’re saying mail instead of post. Don’t the US take mail tampering very very seriously? Like it’s a federal offence.

If you’re in the UK then at 16, he’s basically an adult. Give him his post. You’re acting like a right weirdo.

Guess what it says on the outside of Postman Pat’s van?

Itsseweasy · 07/02/2026 17:20

BashfulClam · 07/02/2026 15:39

This lad is going to move out asap and cut contact.

This.

TomatoSandwiches · 07/02/2026 17:19

Is there going to be a drip feed about how last summer he set up a cannibis greenhouse in your attic and you've only just finished paying the leccy bill or something?

YABVU.

SargeMarge · 07/02/2026 17:17

Are you American? Because you’re saying mail instead of post. Don’t the US take mail tampering very very seriously? Like it’s a federal offence.

If you’re in the UK then at 16, he’s basically an adult. Give him his post. You’re acting like a right weirdo.

TellMeSomethingGoodAboutMrSchuAndHisTightBreeks · 07/02/2026 17:14

You don't respect his privacy at all.

He's 16, he's entitled to buy his own things with his own wages. Imo it's abusive that you're withholding his mail until you know what's in it.

You really need to sort out your attitude or he will move out and won't look back, then you'll know precisely nothing about what he's up to.

Tableforjoan · 07/02/2026 17:10

Isn’t tampering with mail a legal offence.

You’ve stolen his mail.

Runningismyhappyplace50 · 07/02/2026 16:42

Just Google where the package has come from.

BeagleSkunk · 07/02/2026 16:42

Good lord. Are you unhinged?

You have a teen who earns his own money doing tutoring (coincidentally what subjects does he tutor in?) and you’re withholding his mail?

No, just no. Unless a huge drip feed coming.