I was snobby, apparently

"she started it!" is as juvenile as it gets.

OP allowed herself to be goaded into giving the perfect snobby sound bite to be related to all and sundry. It was never going to end well.

OP absolutely had the right to be blunt in return, but "can you stop criticising our holiday? It's the kind of trip that we enjoy, just as your holiday was one that you and your family enjoy. We're just different'" would have made her point, without giving SIL ammunition to use against her.

This sort of adventure has never been boring to me or my children. I have 3, now grown up. They loved exploring new places when they were young, and continue now that they are adults. They are adventurous, intelligent people, with a thirst for knowledge and experience.

So sorry for poster. There's no probably about it.

No. You're not being snobby AT ALL. You just have a different set of ideals for a holiday. What you did for a holiday, is my kind of a holiday, whereas a friend of mine selfies herself with stuff I wouldn't ever do. It's not snobbery at all. You just want more out of a holiday than someone else. If anyone's difficult, it's dear sister, who obviously is jealous.

You weren't being snobby. She told you what she thought of your holiday so you told her what you thought of hers. When she first showed you her holiday photos you were respectful but she thought nothing of being rude about yours. She sounds ignorant - how rude to say your daughter looked bored.

Everyone is different and that’s OK. Your sis sounds a bit rude tbh.
Probably best to not holiday together!

It was clearly meant in a snobby way. Butlins doesn’t exist where I live anymore and would be considered old fashioned nowadays around here. And saying a holiday is like butlins is a saying which carries obvious connotations . Not sure about the uk. I’ve been to holiday parks abroad and they’ve been great. There is only centre parks where I live now and that’s actually more expensive than going abroad

Don’t back track, just own it. I would say ‘Hang on, you said my holiday was boring and I said yours was like Butlins. Each to their own. You enjoy karaoke, I don’t. Your kids like holiday clubs, mine don’t. We went to Pompeii purely because Emily loves bloody volcanos!’

Well you can take this with a pinch of salt as I have always been called 'posh' (which could not be further from the truth - I rather think further examples of inverse snobbery) but we, too, holidayed in Italy and Cyprus this year. We have an 8 year old.

Italy was B&B and we went to Pompeii and Herculaneum, climbed vesuvius, visited Capri, Amalfi, Positano, Ravello and did a pizza making class (my son's request), amongst other things. In Cyprus, we went all inclusive. However, we went on boat trips, my son and husband swam with turtles, and did scuba diving. He didn't think much of the kids entertainment in the evening either! We're just not a staying in one hotel for an entire week-type people either.

I just asked my son if he would have preferred to go to a kids club or on the days out that we did in Italy and Cyprus. Firstly, he (classic mumsnet) looked horrified at the idea of a kids club and then said I'm not wasting my holiday being away from you guys.

YANBU. Your sister is an inverse snob and was constant and goading you.

So what? This a forum, not a GCSE exam 🙄😂

Saying it's snobby to compare something to Butlins doesn't mean you are being snobby about Butlins. There's a gap in your silogism somewhere in there.

Yes this.

Although the reality with my (neurodivergent) kids lies somewhere between the two.

It’s obvious to me you weren’t being snobby - the holiday/photo comparison was forced on you by your sister trying to provoke you and then put you in an awkward position with the rest of the family, for reasons of her own. The problem lies with her, and I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a history of this sort of thing.

I’m fully on your side on this. It’s your sister’s problem, not yours.

I'm sorry you did not enjoy the museums and galleries etc your DP took you to see. Perhaps they did not explain well enough what you were seeing and perhaps did not intersperse the visits with other events: meals, swimming, a waterpark etc. But that you did not enjoy being 'dragged round ' these places does not mean other DC would not if the visits are done with children's interests in view (at least some of the time).

If she wasn’t being such an arsehole you wouldn’t have said that to her. It’s a lesson in being jealous of others which is clearly what she is. I don’t think you’re snobby, she sounds like a div.

It’s only snobby to say something ‘looks like Butlins’ if you think Butlins is low class. So by saying you think it’s snobby, surely you are saying that you think that?

Not snobby at all. Sister was being a bitch and hiding u . Her family likes 1 type u like another. I prefer yours . She rattled u . Ignore her , just keep going your holidays and with your family doing your own thing. She can do hers . Hopefully she will realise what a bitch she was. Comment bout Butlins was prob true but said in the heat of the moment . Ignore her . U were in the right . Lucky daughter BTW

You couldn’t pay me to go on their holiday, it sounds horrific. Yours sounds wonderful. She was being rude and you snapped, not nice, but understandable. These things happen in families, just reach out to apologise and explain that you were hurt by her comments, but you understand that she was hurt by yours too. Truce.

I dunno I mean you are both in the wrong sniping at each other like that. I’ve done both types of holiday with my kid. Package holidays in hotels like that aren’t really my thing and I never did them pre kids. But I did one recently and I found it pretty relaxing and my child loved it.
and actually I remember friends of mine who used to go to actual butlins every year as kids and they absolutely loved it. It is a bit snobby to say somewhere looks like butlins . She was wrong to say your holiday looked boring. Who actually cares

I can guarantee my kids wouldn’t prefer the sister’s holiday, but even if they did, the adults who are paying for the holiday are allowed to go somewhere they’d enjoy, too. There’s no way I’d be paying £££ to sit round a pool, watch other people do karaoke and drink.

ETA I meant wouldn’t prefer the sister’s holiday!

I think all the posters trying to get OP to take her daughter on a beach, resort, pool, karaoke, club type holiday seem to have missed OP’s post where she said.

My daughter would have hated their holiday - she’s autistic for a start so kids clubs would have been a no go, she wouldn’t have like the swimming pool due to the crowds and noise and she wouldn’t have been able to handle the noise at karaoke. Even the beach would have been too crowded for her. She did however, enjoy horse riding along a quiet beach, trying to draw the paintings in the churches and learning how to make pasta. And yes, she loved Vesuvius considering volcanoes were her special interest at the time. All kids are different and they don’t all love rowdy chaos.

I would have loved OP’s holiday and hated her sister’s when I was OP’s daughter’s age. Still would but the point is OP gave her daughter the holiday which suited her daughter and if OP's sister doesn't understand her niece that's down to her.

No, it was different. I think OP's was a better holiday than her SiL's and in doing so I am making a value judgement - which is not wrong, and is based on my preferences. It is wrong, or a least a bit rude, to tell someone their holiday was boring/tacky. SiL's hol doesn't sound like Butlins, btw, which looks more fun than sitting round a pool eating burgers! (Not been so saying no more about Butlins)

In OPs opinion (and my opinion) her holiday was better.
In SILs opinion her holiday was better.
Neither is wrong, holidays are personal and the important thing is that the people on the holiday enjoy it, SIL is in the wrong here for her criticism and then not handling the same being done in return.

The correct syntax here is 'At least 80% of kids would prefer your sister's holiday but your dd may be an exception.'

Her comments were inverted snobbery. I have to say I laughed at what you said because her holiday sounded like Butlins to me too!

I was dragged around all sorts of places by my parents as they wanted us to be 'cultured'. I was bored shitless. Your dd may be an exception but at least 80% of kids would prefer your sister's holiday. Yes you were snobby but you were provoked I guess.