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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should weekend Dad still have our daughter if she has been sick?

62 replies

feliciamorrison · 07/02/2026 13:39

Our 5 year old has been poorly this week with tonsillitis, but now she has a belly full of antibiotics and calpol she’s turned a corner. Dad is due to have her on Saturdays as per our agreement, but has decided against it today as he doesn’t want his household to get sick.

The mum guilt in me is saying he’s right and she stood stay home with me, but I also feel like parenting isn’t always sunshine and rainbows and should be able to care for her even though she has been sick. He works on the road so has never been home when she’s had any serious illnesses and the care has always fallen on me, which as a result I have become poorly too.

Today I’ve had to cancel the plans I’d made as he is outright refusing to have her spend the night and I’m annoyed because I have spent the best part of a week with sleepless nights caring for our child and I think I deserve a bit of a break.

AIBU here?

OP posts:
Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 07/02/2026 14:34

NotThatSerious · 07/02/2026 14:03

I’m confused at how many people have said tonsillitis isn’t contagious.

it is!

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Is not

Pinkissmart · 07/02/2026 14:24

Tonsillitis isn’t contagious. However, I would want my daughter to be where she’s the most comfortable. I would insist he adds in another day.

Shitshowpolitics · 07/02/2026 14:16

feliciamorrison · 07/02/2026 13:56

He’s with his mum and dad who are both of fine health. I think it’s more due to the fact it’s an inconvenience. I have cancelled my plans anyway as I knew I’d be staying home, but I wanted to see if I had a valid reason for being disgruntled about it. I have also had to take time off work this week which isn’t a problem, but I just don’t ever see him doing the same.

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I think the best place for her is in bed if she's poorly. I wouldn't send her.

Traitorsisontv · 07/02/2026 14:16

The child's needs should come first, then his, quite a bit down the list.

If she wants to go and will be ok there then yes, she should go.

GlasgowGal2014 · 07/02/2026 14:09

Pancakeflipper · 07/02/2026 13:44

You can't catch tonsillitis can you ?
His household are not likely to get ill from your DD being there.

I'd be annoyed with him too.

You can catch it, but it's unlikely when the kids has been on antibiotics for a few days.

I say you deserve a break OP and Dad should be stepping up!

NotThatSerious · 07/02/2026 14:03

HeadyLamarr · 07/02/2026 13:49

Does he have other children in the house? Is that why he wants her to stay away?

I don't think tonsillitis is contagious, though. Does he know that?

I’m confused at how many people have said tonsillitis isn’t contagious.

it is!

Chattanoogachoo · 07/02/2026 14:01

He wants Disney time with her, it's too late for this weekend but you need to make your views clear to him, he parents regardless of illness.

BookArt55 · 07/02/2026 14:00

He's not a parent. He's a glorified babysitter.
But, it shows you can't trust him to look after your chikd correctly when she is poorly, so she is better off with you.
In my situation daddy always takes them, but never checks their temp, doesn't give calpol or antibiotics properly, treats them like they aren't ill and ignores them during the night. The kids say they want to go, court order demands me to do it, kids come back in a worse state than they went and they regret going.

So I suppose although you are knackered, at least your daughter is on the mend and safe. But I agree, he should step up and parent.

SarahAndQuack · 07/02/2026 13:58

Sympathy. My ex-partner isn't quite as bad, but did expect me to do the boring/time-consuming job of sitting in the phone queue for a GP appointment on a day when she had DD (why, I'm not sure). I finally got through and booked the appointment, and she was gobsmacked I wasn't planning to take time off work and take DD to the GP myself. Hmm

MyLimeGuide · 07/02/2026 13:57

Hmmmmm I wonder why he is your X?!

Original poster
feliciamorrison · 07/02/2026 13:56

Jellybunny56 · 07/02/2026 13:52

Who else makes up “his household”? If he lives with a young baby, elderly person or someone with a condition that would make them more vulnerable than the average I can sort of see his point.

If it’s just out of the inconvenience and he doesn’t fancy it then he’s an arse.

He’s with his mum and dad who are both of fine health. I think it’s more due to the fact it’s an inconvenience. I have cancelled my plans anyway as I knew I’d be staying home, but I wanted to see if I had a valid reason for being disgruntled about it. I have also had to take time off work this week which isn’t a problem, but I just don’t ever see him doing the same.

OP posts:
Wishitsnows · 07/02/2026 13:55

He’s a shit dad that can’t be bothered to look after his ill child. Doesn’t really matter what his new household make up is you can’t pick and chose when you fancy being a parent.

Original poster
feliciamorrison · 07/02/2026 13:54

Hallywally · 07/02/2026 13:49

OP why have you started two threads about this?

I’ve done two as I thought it would reach different audiences and I’d get a broader response from different groups of people. One being the parenting thread and the other being the AIBU one.

OP posts:
Original poster
feliciamorrison · 07/02/2026 13:53

Hallywally · 07/02/2026 13:49

OP why have you started two threads about this?

I’ve done two as I thought it would reach different audiences and I’d get a broader response from different groups of people. One being the parenting thread and the other being the AIBU one.

OP posts:
99pwithaflake · 07/02/2026 13:52

I wouldn't send a sick child on antibiotics away for the weekend, personally.

WinnerWinnerChickenDinnner · 07/02/2026 13:52

Isn't it better for the child to stay home when sick?

Jellybunny56 · 07/02/2026 13:52

Who else makes up “his household”? If he lives with a young baby, elderly person or someone with a condition that would make them more vulnerable than the average I can sort of see his point.

If it’s just out of the inconvenience and he doesn’t fancy it then he’s an arse.

SarahAndQuack · 07/02/2026 13:52

(I must say if it were me I'd probably roll my eyes but also be glad, because down the line, it will be better for you and for her if he doesn't do half-hearted parenting of an ill child.)

SarahAndQuack · 07/02/2026 13:51

Tonsillitis is something you can catch - looked it up because DD has the same thing and I'm pregnant; there's a very low risk of miscarriage/premature labour if untreated.

I think he's being crap to say he doesn't want her there so no one gets ill - that's silly. If she didn't feel like moving that'd be different.

Poor baby; she's going to get the message that her dad doesn't want her around when she's ill, and that's a bit rubbish.

Original poster
feliciamorrison · 07/02/2026 13:51

I’ve done two as I thought it would reach different audiences and I’d get a broader response from different groups of people. One being the parenting thread and the other being the AIBU one.

OP posts:
ACynicalDad · 07/02/2026 13:50

Can’t imagine why you’re no longer with him. He doesn’t get to choose.

HeadyLamarr · 07/02/2026 13:49

Does he have other children in the house? Is that why he wants her to stay away?

I don't think tonsillitis is contagious, though. Does he know that?

Hallywally · 07/02/2026 13:49

OP why have you started two threads about this?

hotbathbookwineheaven · 07/02/2026 13:49

Why have you done another thread on this?

Pearlstillsinging · 07/02/2026 13:46

If I were the child, I would hate to have to leave home feeling poorly to go and stay with a Dad who obviously isn't that bothered about seeing me.
Both parents should put the child first