Should weekend Dad still have our daughter if she has been sick?

This is one of the many many things I was taken back to court for trying to enforce. It's actually written in the order that I have to care for them when they are sick 🤣

That sounds difficult for you. And he’s a crap dad but I’m guessing you knew this already.

I’ve done both when my DC have been poorly. Sometimes they’re settled and it easier to stay with me and get well. Other times they’ve gone to my ExH and he’s looked after them fine. We’ve both taken time off work to look after them if they’ve been poorly on a school day. He had them for 3 full weeks at the start of the pandemic due to my job as it was the safest place for them to be.

I know that doesn’t help you but some dads are decent functioning adults and happy to look after their own child as it’s a part of parenting. He’s not. She’s too young yet but she’ll see him for what he is. I hope you get a break soon.

It's tonsillitis not some next level contagion
He just can't be arsed to have to parent his potentially off colour child

But why is she not allowed a break unless she’s going to work? The child has two parents and looking after a sick child is exhausting. I’m sure you didn’t mean it but the insinuation is that it’s selfish to want a break from your sick child and basically mothers should martyr themselves for the sake of their child’s preferences even if the alternative is another capable parent.

I wouldn't transport a sick child between households to pass germs around but then I only have experience of kids in a fairly functional relationship I so I can't be sure how I'd act. I'd like to think we'd discuss it and I'd keep the child until they felt better (or him if illness started at his) and we'd arrange make up time for the one who didn't have the child for their time. Can't be sure though. Looking after sick children is my least favourite part of parenting, my kids get very unwell with viruses and we end up in hospital more than average and noone sleeps when they're ill so if I was doing that alone maybe I'd desparately need him to have the kids for a night to recover myself. It all gets very complicated doesn't it.

That changes everything, if you'd said that earlier on .......

Dealing with a sick child is just part of parenting, he should definitely just get on with it. The only possible exception would be if the child was more comfortable being with their main carer when poorly, but as she's feeling better now, that doesn't seem to be the case here.

Yes he should, she's his daughter too and if he was still with you, he wouldn't be able to get away from her germs.

It wasn't meant like that. If OP was going to work then yes, a different situation.

I wouldn't move her if she's been ill. My rule would be, whoever's home she became ill in is where she stays until better. Just make up the time later on.

He’s a disgrace and a useless father if he thinks he can opt out just because his daughter is ill. He’s supposed to be a parent, not a fun uncle ffs. Another day, another utter dropkick of a bloke getting away with the bare minimum 🙄

What a deadbeat dad. I wouldn’t send my child if she was unwell to travel or wanted to stay with me but as you said she’s turned a corner and is presumably feeling better of course she should go x

Yes of course he’s parenting she’s not a guest she’s his child

I hate this response on posts like this. When my 2 year old is unwell (or well actually as he has a strong parental preference for me at the moment) he wants me. But I need to work and my DH has a more flexible job so he’s the one most likely to take time off work. When he’s sick yes I will get up through the night with him but at the next wake up my husband will. Would he prefer it to be me, yes he would but I am still a person who needs sleep and a break, he’s perfectly comfortable and safe with a more than capable parent. He has 2 parents and sometimes for reasons they can’t understand they might have to have the less preferred parent! Your comment is just another way to pile the guilt onto a mother.

What does your daughter want to do!!

He is a lazy twat. Your DD is unlikely to even be infectious after starting antibiotics. It sounds like it's just been a convenient excuse for him to get out of parenting.

Exactly!! He’s clearly useless

Tbh regardless of his reasons, I feel like your DD would be better at home where she's completely comfortable if she's not been very well. There's no point making her travel between homes when she's not well enough to really enjoy the time with her dad. His reasons are a bit silly, but there is logic to keeping her at home.

i think you make sure he knows that if she’s sick on his time she will be staying at his and he can take time off work, as that seems to be how he wants to play this.

id also be saying ive done two weekends in a row so you can too. So he says he will take her next weekend so you can get a break, aye very good, lazy disney fucker, next weekend AND the one after

Yabu. She's sick so she needs to stay at home and keep cosy. Unless she really wants to go to her dad's that is. Nothing would drag me out in a car if I was poorly.

I don't think you are being unreasonable OP. Obviously, it would be different if she had come down with a stomach bug or similar - but out of interest, if that did happen and she came down with something while with her dad, would he be as keen to keep her with him to avoid spreading germs across both households?

It's tonsillitis, not exactly the bubonic plague. Dad's a bit of a twat. Sorry..
It's your daughter who misses out and that's not fair.

Splitting hairs, though.

Yes, properly, tonsillitis is an umbrella term for symptoms, but the underlying causes can be contagious.

Well I can see why he's an ex! YANBU.