Annoying MIL

Except only 10%-20% of people ever live in a care home so that would be nonsense.

I am so so sorry to hear how your parents treated you. That is awful but karma is now paying them a little visit.

Unless you can't afford to put food on your table or are about to default on the mortgage I think YABU to expect hand outs from your in laws. They earnt their money and they can spend it how they like. Although, she does need to zip it with her comments.

My parents were quite well off and we struggled financially for a long time but I would never expect them to pay fund a new car etc as that was their money for their retirement. They paid for a new boiler but that was not long after dh died and I was on the bones of my arse until probate came though.

As a so called boomer we are really struggling now we have retired. Income a third of the income we had a few years ago. COL has rocketed .
I have an inheritance fund from when my lovely Mum died and it’s all we have.
We just didn’t have any extra money to save when we were working and we try to help out with our children but need to balance it with our own needs,retirement etc .

So she quite clearly irritates you, yet you think your entitled for her handouts?

You’re not being unreasonable - plenty of people I know first made it on the property ladder, or bought a larger home thanks to a helping hand from parents (though I too am not one of these benefactors!). Of course they don’t need to, but if they’re comfortably able and happy to then why not so I can understand why you’d wonder why. Are you perhaps overestimating how much she has or is she relying on this money to see her through retirement? Is there any tension otherwise between you/your husband and her that could be making her feel less inclined to offer? In any case, better to let it go, especially if your husband has never asked for help.. it will only make you feel more resentful and hard done by!

@Snazzy73 , my husband and I are pretty wealthy. I wouldn’t say we’re mean with our two children, we provided a very good education for them and have helped them with interest free loans.
We are acutely aware of the cost of care in older age and are balancing our life in order to finally have some fun but also be in a position to afford care when we inevitably need it. My own parents lent heavily on me in their old age and I don’t want that for my boys, I would prefer they could feel able to just remain our ‘children’. When we die there will hopefully be a good amount left to help our boys in their own older age.
So sorry but you sound quite selfish and graspy. You are adults and should learn to be responsible for yourselves, Why do you think anyone should put your security before their own?

I don't think it's anything to with boomers and this kind of comment is naff.. Plenty of 'boomers' are generous and help their kids. It's just humans, some don't spend, others do.

OP, it's annoying I hear it. MIL has every right not to give her money to help you guys out, but she does indeed need to shut up about it all and your situation when you're struggling.

you are very patient, OP. I cannot stand anyone who bitches about, spreads their ego and nonsensical bragging like your mother in law. In my world she would be put to her own place very fast and given a wide berth to go and spend her miserable money as she wants but bragging to someone else about it, NOT TO ME. THAT IS ME

She is a bitch. My mil helps

Stop comparing her to your parents for a start . Remember this is mumsnet . She is only your Mil.She doesn’t owe you anything. You don’t owe her anything. I don’t think she should be even discussing her finances with you . Perhaps she could maybe help a bit as I do with mine. But it’s her buisiness.

The implication (I believe) is that 'Boomers' have been very fortunate in comparison to other generations

And it's theirs. They apparently think they have a God-given right to it and no compulsion to help their children.

How she speaks may be annoying for you. However, it is her money and I do not think you should feel entitled to it whilst she is still alive.

This.

It means that boomers will behave like boomers.

They rubbed it in your face, which is different than just quietly not sending any your way. That said, I think you're completely justified in not doing a thing for them when they come knocking later. I can't imagine not being more supportive of my child with their lifestyle.

It means the poster is full of ageist shit.

This was my parents years ago

They stopped spending anything on me from aged about 12/13-they refused to buy me food,san-pro,school uniform,school books,school trips,clothes etc-i had to work to survive

They would go out and spend £300 on a meal out,knowing I,as a skint single mother who was turning every penny into a pound and scraping pennies together to feed my kids

They bought expensive cars and motorbikes while knowing I was struggling to pay for the dcs shoes

They would go on 5* holidays (only the best of the best for my mother) while I was trying to figure out how to pull together a bus fare

They would splash out on hundreds of pounds woth of tat and clothes while I was panicking on how I was going to pay the nursery fees AND my electric bill

They also put my brothers through their driving lessons,tests and bought them a car each,while paying for them to live rent free with them/help them with holidays/rent/food/luxuries/weddings but couldn't afford to slip me a tenner occasionally

They knew how hard i struggled and didnt give a damn-in fact they would openly laugh in my face about 'benefit spongers who have kids just for the money' and 'how funny it is that your living hand to mouth' while they 'had too much money and couldn't spend it all'

Now dont get me wrong,its their money to spend how they wanted but there is no way I could spend like that knowing my child was making miracles every mealtime and going hungry so they could afford shoes and clothes for their grandchildren-the guilt would cripple me

It's selfish but they are now getting older and I won't be doing any of their care-im the selfish one apparently (im meant to fall over myself to do all their care and feel grateful for the privilege)

Fuck that-i went nc with them years ago and they cant see why-'after all we did for you...' (the square route of nothing)

They've reaped what they've sown and I know where your coming from

What on earth does this mean?

So next time say "MiL, as you've obviously noticed we need a bigger house, and tell us you have so much money you don't know what to spend it on, can you give some of it to us now please so we can move?"
How reasonable you'd be in saying this, will give you a guide as to how reasonable it is that you're annoyed with her.

MIL is not your personal cash cow! You’re adults, married adults! If you can’t afford to move then I’m afraid you can’t move. Why on earth should MIL pay for it?! Or give a penny towards it? Good grief

Her comment about finding it difficult to spend, is a poor persons mentality, did she once struggle for money? Its actually really hard to overcome that mindset & fear of being in the same situation again.

it might be her clumsy way of getting you to ask or she just doesn’t realise. I think that maybe hubby needs to have a little chat with her

Why are you expecting her to bankroll your life? Yes its crass of her to keep talking about money but its her money and she can do what she likes with it.

Your entitlement is disgusting.

While she shouldn’t talk like that I’d guess she’s trying to not spend the money she needs to live with no wage. When you’re stuck you at least know payday is coming, a pension isn’t the same

Tell her how difficult you find those comments. However, it's not her job to contribute towards things like cars for you. She may feel the need to hold onto a healthy nest egg for her old age. She has no way of knowing what needs will arise, she knows her children aren't in a position to help her out and probably doesn't want that anyway, and knows she may have the costs of a home and care one day. She's being sensible keeping a surplus and is lucky she can. One day you will inherit, though no rush on that.