To think being single is not all it's cracked up to be

I have two beautiful, funny, intelligent daughters, both of whom are single, (after a few failed relationships) and sometimes my heart aches for them, and how much responsibility they have to shoulder. Yes, you can go it alone, I did, for some years, and I am resourceful and self-sufficient, but life is easier with the right partner. It's nice to have someone around to share things with, to snuggle up with, to do the drying if you wash up, to feed the cat......just to split the load

I agree. The only place it really makes a difference is financially (which is obviously significant), but other than that my general happiness and satisfaction levels in life are no different. I have a great relationship where we never argue, are aligned on all important values, he does all the cooking and generally pulls his weight but every few months I seriously consider breaking up with him for no other reason than i want to be single and not have anyone in my house. I don’t mean I want to date or sleep with other people, I can’t be arsed with that (and we have an open relationship anyway so if I wanted to I could but we’re both too lazy to actually do that). I just want to be alone a lot of the time. I’m working up to ending it.

I think it hugely depends on your situation, and if you can find a good partner or not! We come across so many threads on here from women who are with awful men and I’m sure they’d be much happier single. But then there will be even more women with amazing partners, but we just don’t read about them because no one is going to make a post just to let us know their husband is wonderful.

I was happily single for years in my late 20s. The only time I’d feel lonely was when the girls ans I went on holiday (two or three times a year) and on the way home they’d all be discussing how their partner was picking them up from the airport, or cooking their favourite meal for their return etc. And I was going home to an empty house. And at Christmas I always wished I had a partner. But otherwise I was fine.
Now though, I have the most incredible partner and I couldn’t imagine my life without him. I’d hate to be single again, but I did enjoy it at the time. OP you’re younger than you think, don’t write yourself off yet!

It's definitely tough at times. I've been single 2.5 years, I have loads of chronic health stuff that make life really hard and then the last 2 weeks been in bed with an infection. It's utterly miserable that there is no-one to make me a cup of tea or walk the dog. I don't think for various reasons I'll ever have a relationship again but particularly when life is tough it's very hard not to have someone close for support and comfort and to just talk things through with. It feels a million times easier when you can maintain a busy active and interesting life, have enough money for holidays etc but when you can't it can feel very lonely.

You sound like a lovely well balanced person. Is there any particular reason you find it difficult to find a partner?

I am happily married and like you I've always hated the idea of casual sex. It's not something I feel I missed out on although I've no issue with those who are happy when participating. I'm not surprised you miss the intimacy of a healthy & satisfying sex life when in a relationship based on love & friendship. It's an important part of a relationship for many if not all couples. I hope you find your soulmate soon.

I'm kind of still in your situation (practically and financially) as I have a long term LAT relationship (my choice though, which of course make a difference when you choose it rather than it not being what you want).

Except for brief periods I have never lived with someone else, and raised a child alone, with no financial support from the father.

But, my house is mine, I make all the decisions myself, I don't have to deal with anyone else's 'crap' making a mess in my house or putting up with someone elses horrible decor choices, or someone getting under my feet.

I do sometimes wish my house was bigger, or that I had a stone cottage in a village, or lived by the sea, instead of my 2 up 2 down terrace, but I like my house and would lose so much if I were to buy with my partner. The pros of having a bigger house aren't worth the massive losses of having me having to share my space with someone, and having to ask permission to do stuff in my own home (e.g. what if I had a family member that needed somewhere to live because of a crisis. I would always offer them shelter, you can't just do that if your house isn't just yours). All sorts of financial implications as well when you have children and are thinking about inheritance.

Yes. It's more expensive to travel alone, but I usually do DIY trips that don't work out massively expensive. When I do travel with my partner, we tend to spend the same budget each, but just have much nicer accommodation.

Can you travel with friends to save costs? Then still have the joy of a shared experience?

Honestly, I do think being single is hard. It’s tough financially and it leads to long, long periods alone - I’ve always had friends and plenty of them but I know myself it is hard to fit in friendships when you have other responsibilities and so you inevitably are a slave to other people’s timetables - you see them when they can fit you in.

I was single for a long time in my thirties and I did worry I was going to be like that forever.

Of course it’s better to be alone than to be with a cruel or inconsiderate partner but in the majority of cases that’s not what people are about!

I agree OP. Whilst I love living alone, the fact that I have a partner to spend weekends with and go away with means I have the best of both worlds. But when I was truly alone, despite lots of lovely friends and a good social life, I felt very alone in the world. Fundamentally, the world is set up for couples.

2 years single, 39 years old.
I think having a loving, supportive relationship is lovely. However, I also don't think it is healthy to put all hope and need on a romantic relationship. Positive relationships come from friends and family too. One partner isn't going to 'solve' it all, no matter how perfect they are.
So investing in friends and family, investing in yourself- that is where the focus should be.
The only thing I could argue that I do miss is touch, but more the quick kiss, the touch on the back, that type of thing.
I've made my life so that me and my two kids are happy and doing well, so that if/when the right person comes along they are an addition and not a need. Much more likely to choose a healthy relationship that way.
But also, if I never had a relationship again I wouldn't be overly bothered. I am happy single, and will remain so until I meet a man who adds to my life (I don't want a third child 😆 😉 or a unhealthy relationship like with ny ex ).
But I do think we've been brought up with Disney fairytales saying we need a man to be happy type thing, and that plays on my mind deep down... society tells us to be in a couple, why are you single questions? Etc. So it is tricky, I doubted myself recently and went on a date... he was so lovely but the thought of prioritising someone else in my life right now just isn't for me.
Just sharing my views. Not saying you're not doing the above.

You're not wrong OP. I loved being single. I could do what I wanted, when I wanted, with whom I wanted.

However, life is so much better when you're with someone. You're always there for each other. We share the same interests, and get to have the most amazing holidays. We are financially secure and afford whatever we want. We'vesupported each other during serious illnesses. We never argue. The sex is the best I've ever had.

I'm sure there are people here who feel equally contended being single. For sure, it's better to be single than to be with the wrong person. However, all things being equal, I think most people would be happier if they found their soulmate.

I think people in relationships can also crave a healthy supportive relationship. I do get you OP, there are pro’s and con’s to everything but it’s nice to have someone around who 100% wants to be there, someone who’s a genuine partner to walk through life with.

You've been single 9 months, it's not really fair to make a judgement based on single life on that basis. For you maybe yes. I've been single over a decade and quite happy, equally will be happy when I meet someone. Its a reminder that a 3-6 months financial safety net of savings is a good idea.

The thing I miss with not being in a relationship is being touched. Not in a sexual way, just the small gestures - holding hands, a hug, a casual arm round the shoulders, someone to curl up with on the sofa, or getting a neck and shoulder massage.

Well 'you do you', as they say. I'm perfectly content on my own, as I have been since my DH's sudden death when I was 47 with two small children. So maybe I'm ok because I've had the big relationship and the kids. I'm totally open to a new relationship but it just hasn't happened. I would not want to live with anyone again though.

You are absolutely allowed to complain about being single. I have friends who have had various permutations of relationship. The Good, the Bad the Ugly and everything else.

Being happy in a decent relationship with mutually agreeable aims and goals is fine to want if people don’t want that it’s their prerogative.

I completely understand you OP! I also feel that my life would be much better if I was in a healthy relationship with a good, supportive partner.

And for all the posters saying saying how much better it is being single because of all the bad things that can go wrong in a relationship, of course being single is better than being in a terrible relationship with a horrible person, or even just an unfulfilling meh relationship. I have been in an unhealthy and highly stressful relationship and wouldn't want to experience that again. But since then I've also learned about what makes a healthy relationship, and I have a better understanding of what I struggle with myself in relationships, and also what not to tolerate from a partner.

But if you want an intimate relationship and a partner to share life with, it's completely normal and understandable to feel that there's a loss or lack in your life, that isn't fulfilled by other types of relationships like friends or family. And I agree about the pragmatic aspects of relationships and how much better life is if you have a good partner to build a life and financial security with and share the load. These things are of course dependent on having a supportive partner and @BrokenWingsCantFly clearly specifies that in her post.

I’m in a long term relationship and happy and although I think I would also be happy single, I think this is better. I don’t want to annoy you but I’m answering your question at face value.
I think it takes time to find a soulmate (neither me nor DH are yours! A weekend of DIY more than once every 5yrs would divorce material for both of us!) so don’t panic or rush. Go with the flow of your life. Do what makes you happy and what will be will be.

I think it depends on age - I’m 60+ and very happily single
Had many long term relationships and a marriage which resulted in DC, but came to the conclusion that whilst I enjoy male company - I don’t want to live with anyone ever again
Currently on holiday somewhere warm on my own and enjoying chilling without having to consider anyone else - it’s blissful

Share the load is exactly what I miss from a relationship. Must very hard for single parents to not get that support.

And love . It is nice to think that someone loves you and appreciates you . But you don't necessarily need a partner for that .

This is a refreshing take!