To think being single is not all it's cracked up to be

It isn’t too late to meet a man or have kids at your age OP. I’ve got a friend who met her partner and had her second child in her 40s. Retrained in her career too as a podiatrist.

I’ve recently met a really nice man 3 months ago after years of either being single or dating a man with no chemistry. I’m 54. So it can be done.

I dated a few men very briefly a couple of years ago but just found it impossible to find any attraction. And rather than the presumption that women are the ones desperate to find a man, I found most older single men really needy. They seem to want a nurse with a purse to cook clean wipe their arse and provide sex so they don’t have to look after themselves.
In my personal experience there’s a lot more happily single mature women than men.

Men my age mostly look like Mr Potato Head

This. This is such a major factor. Most middle aged men are so very unattractive. And so many of them look the same. Round and bald. I look at my friends’ husbands and wonder how they can have sex with them. But then a lot of the time it turns out they’re not really having sex anyway.

We sound very similar!

I rent privately, live hand to mouth (no savings) and my wage is the lower end of average. I love being single but to me if feels like a luxury. It petrifies me that I could be evicted at any moment, be unable to
afford the rent on my own elsewhere, have nobody to lean on etc. Honestly if I just had my own home and a better source of income I would literally be the happiest person on earth.

Are you ok?? 🤣 Nowhere have i said that treatment is dished out by all men sooner or later. I think its pretty clear i am saying the shitty men are attracted by a neediness to be in a relationship and the way to avoid them is to be comfortable in your own skin and happily single before looking for someone.

Further your assertion that i swap chores for sex is hilarious - where have you dreamt that up?? I have a couple of friends with benefits and that is completely separate from just friends who help me with chores. One is my female best friend who happens to be handier with a screwdriver than me. My friends husband is a plumber and helps me out in return for a coffee and a bit of dog sitting. I think its quite sad how easily you jump to conclusions 🤣. Sorry about the emojis, i didnt delete them because i found your post so ridiculous it was funny!

Not in my experience. I was in a really good marriage that drifted the last few years and I’m still good friends with my ex.
I never in a million years thought I’d be single in my 50’d but now I’ve been totally single as in not even really dated for over 6 years and I honestly can’t imagine being in a relationship again.
Even if I met Mr Perfect tomorrow, I would never ever cohabit again. The thought of having another man living in my space disturbing my peace fills me with horror. I can’t imagine coming home from work and having someone want to talk to me - I relish the silence of my flat.

This sounds absolutely bloody brilliant.

I was at the surgery for a check this morning. Was chatting to the nurse, who'd been having a really hard time. We shared stories, had a bit of a sniffle and a hug. Unprofessional? Maybe, but it struck me how bloody brilliant and supportive middle aged women are generally.

Sorry for cluster post.

What more can you ask for 😂
Only joking of course

I had a successful aunt who was attractive, had a successful career, never married & had very few relationships in her life. I plucked up the courage to ask her why & to be honest I started thinking she might have been a lesbian which I'd have had no issues with if she was. We had the conversation & it turned out she was only ever interested in men but had little or no sex drive & relationships always fizzled out. She was always happy probably because intimacy in that way was never something she missed. Everyone is definitely different & shouldn't be judged for their choices. Safe to say I definitely never inherited my aunts traits 😂

I love this post!

And yes, your average 50 year old available man tends to be physically a way past his best, yet still thinks he deserves someone "hot". I'm thinking of my paunchy, short legged, balding, man boobed ex. Yet the thing is, the woman he was having an affair with (and is now "with" full time, though I suspect serial adulterers never change their spots) is a bit younger, slim, long blond shiny hair, active and objectively rather more attractive than he is. I suspect that she, like I was, is blinded by the fact that he has a well paid job with proper hero status, and a big cock.

Sweetheart I have so much empathy. I was in that position probably for the last 2 years of the 5½ relationship. Looking back that was clearly when he started the relationship with the OW. So many bloody lies.

I will say this: that as much as I was agonising over "surely I deserve more than these crumbs" vs the terror of being alone (no more days out. No more pub lunches. No more evenings in front of the telly. No more sex), he ended it anyway. Brutally. And now I wish VERY much that I'd been strong and self respecting enough to end it first, because what I'm left with is worse: feeling like absolutely nothing. Only you can decide, but that's what I wish.

I'd like a relationship and was in relationships continuously from 18 - 47 ish (now 53). Men my age mostly look like Mr Potato Head and the available ones are also mostly a bit dim. I can't see how I could possibly find someone who didn't annoy me. They'd have to fit into my routine and only speak at certain times :). Also, there's no way I'm going back to watching action films etc. If they don't want to watch Jane Austen adaptations I'm not interested. They'd also have absolutely no say in how I decorated.

Of course and everyone is different. But I have to challenge the narrative that you see on here a lot that if you are happy single it means something has gone badly wrong in your relationships.

Some people are more comfortable in a committed relationship and others genuinely function better alone. And that’s not because they are “bitter” or have been hurt.

It all depends on the relationship. You are comparing single life to the relationship ‘ideal’. Real relationships come with lots of problems too, and often these can outweigh the good things.

Autism has such a huge spectrum of symptoms . I have an autistic friend with traits that could also be described has having personality traits which are more unusual such as hating restaurants where there are clattering dishes, loud music & continuous inane chatter. She has other traits like being able to smell things others can't & she becomes anxious if plans change. Her partner is used to her foibles & loves her because she is intelligent, funny, caring & sensitive. She also works out in a flash how much money everyone is due to pay when out for group meals 😂

There is definitely someone out there for you OP. You just need to make the best of your unique self & as you said, make more effort, be open about your traits without shouting I'm autistic & stop trying to hide your true personality💐

The best support I have ever had is from my siblings. I’ve never had a partner that’s been there for me. I much prefer to be single but maybe that’s because I’ve never had a good relationship. I found the whole ‘looking for a suitable partner’ thing exhausting. I’m baffled at how some people find it so easy and even exciting!

When I was single, I had fun Friday nights.

After I was married I’ve spent time doing boring DIY.

Life is what you make it.

I suggested this in an earlier AIBU and the majority said I was being ridiculous. But I’m still sure this is what is going on for many.

@Thepeopleversuswork
That's a matter of opinion & due to personal preference.

Personally I'd rather be in a 'formally committed relationship' which feels like a solid anchor in a life filled with stormy seas than float about with nobody to rely on day & night when needed. To love & be loved in return obviously helps.

Apparently, the happiest group of people are single women with no children. Some people really are happy and fulfilled in a relationship. But I’d guesstimate that the majority are not and only stick it out because of money, housing, the kids, or a fear of loneliness.