To think being single is not all it's cracked up to be

I'm 66 and have been single for most of my life. There is rarely a time when I think a partner would be a bonus, and it never lasts long. I am extremely content the way I am, and while financially it's tough I would rather that than have to share my life with someone. So yes, to me it is all it's cracked up to be.

I've just turned 50, and have been alone for about 2.5 years, following a 9 year relationship (no kids - fertility issues which were a big part of the relationship falling apart.) I loved him so much, and could have been happy with him with no kids; he wasn't, and I was the problem. Anyway.....
I've had 3 long-term relationships through my adult life, but have been on my own for almost 20 years of adulthood, when I add it up.

I know exactly what you mean. Like, I'm a perfectly able and capable professional woman, but I miss having a built-in best mate, who can give support (emotional, practical and financial!) I've got a perfectly nice place, mortgage almost paid off; good professional career; excellent friend group - but yet, there's still that niggle of wanting something else.

I had fairly major surgery last year, and had to go stay with my parents/have friends stay, as I couldn't manage alone for a good couple of months; couldn't drive, etc. It's the 'being sick in the middle of the night', 'family emergency', 'lazy weekend' sort of support and comfort I miss. Equally, I'm pretty good at giving that in return. I don't ask for them to pay my bills, or rely on them for everything, but I see the friends who are truly in an equal relationship, and I miss that.

I do have hope, however, as I've two friends who are older than me, who have met, moved in, and married, their partners, in the last 3-4 years. So, not sure I can offer solutions, but I am giving you support.

Some people said they miss the cuddles/physical affection and appreciation when they cook.
I have a partner and he just doesn't do physical affection (non sexual). Or show too much appreciation for cooking.

But I'm not free to look for someone who does those things? Is that better or worse?

I think if I ended up single, I would like to live in kind of a duplex place with my male separated cousin. So we each have our own place...but would be there for each other if one of us got sick etc. And a bit of company but still our own space.

I'm not sure if I'd want to live with a man again. Maybe if he was v clean?

And yes, illness really worries me. I have friends, but not many locally - they are scattered round the country.

Oh my god this. I am utterly awful at decision making as well. I find home maintenance so stressful. I've just had a new kitchen put in and the decisions were the worst bit. I have a persistent damp issue on my stairwell and no one seems to be able to tackle it, even the damp surveyor who came round. It makes me cry 😥. Outside is a tip as well.

I think doing DIY is a terrible example for this tbh because even the most in love couples can fight over an IKEA flat pack

I’m 60 and have a good group of single friends similar age so never at a loose end for socialising, weekends, trips and holidays.

We laugh on holiday where we see couples playing with their phones ignoring each other while we’re chatting away,

Ok, I'm sorry and I stand corrected. The general idea in society is that a good relationship is the goal, and I failed to acknowledge that is not the goal for everyone. Being single has a lot of advantages and people like different things.

As I've never had a good relationship, I can't say which one I prefer (good relationship or being single). I'm happy being single and it was my number one choice for several years. Right now I'd like a good relationship (not sure if it's a fantasy).

Having said all that, couple privilege is a thing, as the world is built for couples! And I hate that.

I couldn't bear to live with a man ever again, the thought of coming home and having to share my space with someone makes me shudder. I'm content with my cats and the harmony and joy they bring.

I would love to have a 'partner' to go to events with but more and more of my friends in their 50s are now separated or getting divorced so we tend to go to weddings and concerts with each other; I've been on holiday with mates for the past ten years which has been amazing.

The only times I've struggled with being single is during a serious health crisis and my parents being 2000 miles away. My friends were fantastic during that time but it's not the same as having a partner there. Although you do read on here about men being useless when their partner is really ill 🤷

I think many RL are a bit So So .Often people stay because they are scared to leave .Ideals of cosy log burners ,Friday night takeouts, and a bottle of wine leading to wonderful sex are always help up to show everyone what they are "missing"! Reality is both knackered from work ,kids crying and so on.There are for s and against both ways really.I have been married a long time and its been very good but also very difficult at times .

The OP said 'supportive partner'. The key word being supportive. You don't need to read many threads to know they are rare.

We always want what we haven't got. When you're single you want to have a partner. When you're part of a couple, you can't wait to be single again!

Agree. If I met the perfect man tomorrow I would still be very reluctant to get into a relationship and certainly I would never cohabit again.

I think once you become so comfortable with yourself then it’s difficult to give that peace up

Disagree. I prefer being single.

I can see that some people prefer, for a variety of reasons, to have a partner but it's not for me.

The assumption that being single is second best really pisses me off.

No it's not obvious, some of us prefer being single than in a good relationship, because well, thats still a relationship.

Otherwise all single people would somehow be looking for someone, which isn't the case at all.

I think there is something to this.

I was very happy in my single days but I too have very little interest in sex. I can take it or leave it, and not bothered if I’m not getting any.

Despite not enjoying being single I do agree on the films! I very much appreciate the fact that I haven't had to watch any of the latest Marvel/DC inanities in the last few years.

I do think in a good relationship there must be some things you both enjoy watching. With my ex-partner we did have films/TV that we both liked, so that mostly wasn't a huge problem, but even with that he did seem put out by the fact I just wasn't interested in superhero films. Big generalisation, but men do seem to want women to take an interest in their interests/hobbies but don't want to have to do that themselves for us.

Having a good relationship is better than being single, which is better than being in a bad relationship.

Isn't obvious???

(Good relationships are rare, so until you find one, being single is the best option)

Im not holding my breath waiting for a decent fella. I think it’s prob easier if you’re younger but at my age it’s slim pickings.

Well sometimes being married isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. There are advantages and disadvantages to both situations 🤷‍♀️

Read some of the posts on here of women putting up with so many manchilds. (Manchildren?!)
women being emotionally and financially abused. Sometimes even physical abuse.
women carrying it all working doing all the childcare and housework, carrying the mental load, and then be expected to actually have sex with useless husbands even though they’re totally exhausted.
there’s a reason single women live longer than married women.
and married men live longer than single men !

Generally, I enjoy being single and having my own way but I agree with another poster who said it’s age related. I am in my 50s and while I’m happy with single life now, I doubt I would have felt the same when I was in my thirties.

Where I feel the disadvantage most is having to make decisions on my own with no one with a shared vested interest to bounce ideas off. Things like essential home repairs and improvements were more my ex’s specialty than mine and he had a lot of background knowledge on DIY etc already. Whereas everything takes me a lot longer as I have to figure out the problem and what needs doing on my own then decide how much if any I can do myself or employ someone to do it. And if I do it myself I have to teach myself how. And sometimes I can’t make up my mind about what I want as there are so many options to explore and it would be really useful to have another adult to feed into the decision-making process.

I thanks the old gods and the new everyday that I’m divorced and single
YABU