To think being single is not all it's cracked up to be

It doesn't change the fact I couldn't do friends with benefits as loads of people before me have also stated in other threads. I assume you don't agree with me expressing that & would prefer to dress it up as me being judgemental. I don't care what people do in their private life. It's not my business. I am free to say what I would or wouldn't do in response to posts I read.

Finally and FWIW the expression friends with benefits makes my skin crawl. I really can't stand it but again it's an opinion which we are all entitled to have. I will also emphasise it's the expression I hate not the lifestyle.

People want different things at different stages of their life. There is no reason why you shouldn't meet a great partner in the future if that's what you want. It's great that being single is no longer seen as some big social stigma but that doesn't mean you shouldn't prefer to have a partner. But it's only helpful with finances if they are trustworthy and you both want the same things.

I have been happily single for nearly 8 years because I found not being single so much harder. Maybe I was unlucky,but I had so many issues in my last LT relationship. And probably not helped by my various health issues. He was increasingly expecting me to look after him all the time. Never lifted a finger around the house. Never offered to cook,never got any shopping in,never did the laundry. I was becoming increasingly worn out with it all until one day I'd had enough. He honestly could not see what the problem was. Plus,I was also getting sick of him asking me to bail him out financially, despite the fact that I don't work and am on disability benefits. So,after all that shit,I feel so much happier being single.

I am single and am very lonely most of the time. Yes before anyone asks I have lots of lovely friends but it’s not the same thing.

I’m late forties, I’ve been single 8 years, not shared my home with a man fo 15 years. I have a hugely busy life with lots of friends and hobbies. But, I do miss the companionship and intimacy of being in a relationship.

I do think I romanticise being part of a couple though, I have to also remember the reasons I split up with half my exes !

You can dress it up how you want, you made a whole load of assertions so could feel sorry for me, none of which was actually in my post. Maybe just read the actual words next time before jumping on your high horse in your judgy pants.

Again I apologise for the misinterpretation. I read it as the friends with benefits also did chores. Now I see you mentioned friends and friends with benefits. My mistake. It happens. A woman I used to work with had one friend with benefits. She was lovely & the
arrangement suited them both. Nobody's judging. I simply said it wouldn't be for me & thats OK too.

I agree. In my 50s, 2 kids, different dads. Both dads were abusive and what prompted me not to seek out further relationships but it's been HARD.
Both kids have had their issues. No help from either dad to deal with those situations.
I work 50 hour weeks and still only just get by. House is falling down, no social life, nobody to back me up when 13 year old (who has aged me about 70 years over the past couple of years) starts acting up.
I have no social life, no nice clothes, nothing to look forward to. Nobody to take the reins and let me have time out. I'm exhausted all the time, but if I fall there's nobody to catch h me or look after the kids.
I envy people in happy partnerships but I'm terrified of normalising abusive partners and making another mistake so I stay well away.

Op you’ve only been single 9 months

Yes that is exactly what it is, what it definitely isnt is friends doing chores for me in return for sex which is what was stated and is absolutely not how i live my life! The whole response was full of riduculous assumptions tbh but you dont know me so you do you

Op this has been a thought provoking post for me. Thank you.

@MojoMoon I too daydream about someday living in a shared but separate housing with my very very long term female friends. Just recently talk came up about retirement and I could tell my always single but with late in life child best friend felt retirement was way way in her future and later quietly reminded her she can always live with me ( and DH) I don’t rule it out as my DH is older than me …friend one is single…friend two is married and friend three (sister of friend 2) just left her marriage of 33 yrs. Has been wanting to for many many years.
others possibles are my dsis and cousin. I can easily see us all living together spending time together with some shared some private space. We are all good cooks quite neat and tidy and like to go do and talk.

My DH could never and I mean never imagine living with other men.

My apologies if in your case I've misunderstood your interpretation of friends with benefits.. As far as I was aware, at least having heard the expression for the first time on this forum, it usually means friends who benefit each other by having sex when they feel like it but without exclusivity or a formal romantic relationship. If you are saying it doesn't always mean this then again I apologise for my misinterpretation. Every day is a school day.

Where in my post did I say that is what you had to aspire to ? I didn't. I said I hoped you have a happy and long life. I didn't say with a man, a woman, single or anything.

I absolutely hate this sort of response. Maybe I will have another relationship, maybe I won't. Who knows? But equally is that all I can aspire to? Can i not be complete without it? This attitude that your life is incomplete without a relationship is deeply flawed.

Ultimately I have a beautiful life with my daughter. Do I want a man to complicate what I have? No. Do I need another person's income to help support me? No. Do I feel there is an empty space in my life? No. Can I be bothered with sifting through what is out there? No. Do I have the time, energy or resources to accommodate someone in my life? No. Could the above change? Yes, and I'm not writing it off. But as I said in my previous comment, it would take someone exceptional to change my mind.

The original comment was about the single life not being all its cracked up to be. I am definitely in the camp of, 'the single life to exponentially better then it is cracked up to be' and currently I cannot see my thought process changing.

I absolutely hate this sort of response. Maybe I will have another relationship, maybe I won't. Who knows? But equally is that all I can aspire to? Can i not be complete without it? This attitude that your life is incomplete without a relationship is deeply flawed.

Ultimately I have a beautiful life with my daughter. Do I want a man to complicate what I have? No. Do I need another person's income to help support me? No. Do I feel there is an empty space in my life? No. Can I be bothered with sifting through what is out there? No. Do I have the time, energy or resources to accommodate someone in my life? No. Could the above change? Yes, and I'm not writing it off. But as I said in my previous comment, it would take someone exceptional to change my mind.

The original comment was about the single life not being all its cracked up to be. I am definitely in the camp of, 'the single life to exponentially better then it is cracked up to be' and currently I cannot see my thought process changing.

That's not a nice thing to say - imagine if someone put on here " I see when out these tables of single old women. I laugh at them drowning their sorrows in booze" . Own your status but slagging off others who choose different ?

That's good & as long as everyone is happy that's what counts. Having said that you've obviously never sat close to DH & I on holiday. We've been married for ever & our only issue is each of us trying to get a word in. Laughter is one of the things that's never far away from our conversations. We can happily sit in silence while eating but usually there is always something that sparks our interest to chat about. Never a dull moment 😆

@DoubleEspressoForMe you're just a lass at 36. I'm not invalidating your feelings but you have a long and hopefully happy life ahead of you.

Ive never felt like that. When im in a relationship im happy as a couple but equally im absolutely happily single now and not craving a relationship at all.

I've been a single parent for over 15 years. The main thing that is crap about being single as opposed to married in my book is bearing the financial load of life alone. However, that was the situation when I was in a relationship, so I've felt this even when in a partnership. My brother and sis in law are happily married but in the day to day they bicker ALL THE TIME and get cross and frustrated with one another. Same with my parents who've been married over 50 years.
I think both have good and bad points. Glad I'm not searching for love though...so many men in my age group are so very low quality and bring fuck all to the table. My granny used to say 'it ain't all honey ' which sums it up!

So I come from the genuinely happy to be single tribe. I've been married. It absolutely broke me. I left him. I rebuilt my life around me and my daughter. A life I genuinely love. I'm certainly not one of these people who advocate the joys of a single life whilst secretly feeling miserable about it. I'd be lying to say I haven't thought about being in a partnership again. But my life is objectively easier on my own. I'm financially better off (I know, go figure), I am much busier, and have built a fabulously adventurous and fulfilling life, I watch what I like, eat what I like. I've taught myself to do all the things I thought I couldn't do. My house looks how I want it to. I make choices without having to justify them to anyone else. I am happy and fulfilled and most importantly at peace in a way I never was when I was married. And at 36 I have no intention of chasing a relationship for the sake of it, to fill a gap that I don't feel is there. It would take a very incredible soul to change my mind now.

Meant to add, there is nothing wrong with white lies. If for example your date is late & he says he missed the bus then you find out he fell asleep & didn't want to admit it. In other words there are things like this which are excusable & you can laugh about it. Lies which are seriously detrimental to your trust in someone are a different story altogether & should never be tolerated

I’m so sorry to hear about your shit of an ex. But this encapsulates adult non familial relationships. No-one is there for you 100%. Your husband was there for you until there was a fertility issue then he opted out. Others have partners who cheat, or who fall out of love. This is why we need to be there for ourselves and surround ourselves with many different people who give us what we need. And definitely don’t rely on a man. They’re not so reliable.

I think society is too transactional nowadays and people break up and get with new people so quickly, I could never feel secure in a relationship. Hell divorce is almost celebrated. Too much of "plenty more fish in the sea" (there really isn't) I'd want a guy to have been single for a good 6 months before dating them, and I bet there's not too many like that about.

I've never craved a relationship though unless someone already caught my eye. That way I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything, not going to date "just because"-if it happens it happens.

When you find the person who is right for you he will accept you for all your special ways. He will find you cute & will understand. It may even be someone on the spectrum himself, although you might have to fight for a seat you both feel comfortable with in restaurants
😂
Wishing you all the very best & remember everyone to a greater or lesser extent masks discomfort in certain social situations. Never feel your the only one socially who gets anxious & hides it 💐