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I'm having some new noise issues with an invalid neighbour and not sure how to handle it

116 replies

TheFuturesSoBright · 06/02/2026 22:46

My neighbour has been ill for years. She has multiple health problems and is, I think, house bound. She's in her late twenties. She lives with her mum downstairs from us. We've known them both since we moved in over twenty years ago. Mum is lovely, kind and helpful. Daughter can be a bit difficult and prickly but not surprising as her health is so poor. We had one previous issue with noise (a one off several years back) and one incident of weed smoke coming up into our flat. Overall they are good neighbours and we get on well.

Recently the daughter had a health crisis and was in hospital for months.
She's recently been allowed back home. Here's where the issues have begun. Since being back, she's been using her bedroom, which is immediately below mine, as more of a living room. Before she went into hospital they spent their time mostly in the kitchen as there's no living room. I think she probably can't move around much now and might be confined to her bedroom.

The problem is that the sound proofing between flats is very poor. She is having people visit late into the night, they are laughing and talking loudly, or watching tv until 1 am. I've tried swapping DC into my room but he has autism and sleeps badly at the best of times. It woke him last night (he wakes at least once nightly already but this was an "extra" waking.) There seems no prospect of it changing as she's is unlikely to get any better.

What stops me just asking them to keep it down, is that they're not really being REALLY loud, it's just an unfortunate combination of them having loud voices even in normal conversation, very poor sound proofing between floors, and a difference in the hours we want to be asleep.

I had resolved until tonight to just put up with it, and hope the novelty of being home wore off (so fewer visitors) but tonight I could hear them laughing and talking when I was sitting in my living room, not only in the bedroom.

The sound carries so much. I've started getting anxious towards bedtime, anticipating the noise. When I get into bed my heart has started thumping in anticipation of lying awake listening to it.

I just don't know how to approach it with them - if at all. Or do I try sound proofing under my floorboards? I've heard it's very expensive and not very effective.

If anyone has any ideas I would love to hear them. We've had so few problems with this since living here that I just don't know what to do. The last thing I want is to ruin the current good relationship with them. I also feel really selfish because I believe she is stuck in the room - but I still need to sleep.

WIBU to ask them to be quiet in their own home?

OP posts:
catera · 07/02/2026 13:32

RollerSkateLikePeggy · 07/02/2026 07:38

Lots of apartments in other countries have "quiet hours" of something like 11pm to 7am. I wish we had that here!

We do, it’s in my lease 11pm - 7am no excessive noise

dellyb · 07/02/2026 11:46

I think it’s perfectly reasonably to expect a decent amount of quiet after 11pm apart from a few special occasions. Can the mother and daughter swap rooms? Generally noise between flats just feels more intrusive than between houses especially at night.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 07/02/2026 11:07

Try sound proofing or white noise. If this doesn’t work you’ll have to have a quiet word.

WelcometomyUnderworld · 07/02/2026 11:05

mumsickles · 06/02/2026 23:36

The word ‘invalid’ actually was originally used to describe as disabled person as ‘in valid’ as in ‘not valid’ in society. I am quite quite sure you have used this word accidentally and aren’t aware of this at all but it is incredibly offensive to many and I just want to tell you that. 🌷

No it wasn’t, it’s from the Latin invalidus meaning weak or infirm…

VividPinkTraybake · 07/02/2026 11:02

Ukefluke · 07/02/2026 01:46

You have to enjoy your home within the context of where it is.
It is a flat not a detached house and making noise late into the night is not ok.
By your logic people having 24 hour raves are enjoying their own home. People leaving a dog to bark all day are enjoying their own home. Someone doing irish dance in heavy shoes or playing the trombone all night are enjoyjng their own home.
If your living arrangement involve near neighbours neighbours , you have to be considerate.

When you have to make new scenarios to make your point, then your point probably isn't as strong as you think it is.

We don't know what they would say about the OP's noise. Sounds like bad flat, not bad people.

GreenIsTheColourOfMyHoliday · 07/02/2026 11:00

TheFuturesSoBright · 07/02/2026 10:31

They can definitely hear us too, the DC did make noise when they were little ( although during the day) and they have never complained. It's one of the downfalls of the building, which is otherwise lovely.
However things took another turn early this morning as the daughter is now moaning in pain, which is really distressing to hear.
Thank you everyone for the advice, I think I'm going to go down the white noise and soundproofing route. I quite like the idea of thunderstorms all night! I just hope I'm not passing on the problem to the people above me .😱

Are you complaining you can hear the poor girl in pain?!

GreenIsTheColourOfMyHoliday · 07/02/2026 10:59

brightnails · 07/02/2026 09:51

she doesn’t need to “live her life” at 1am below someone’s bedroom! she’s obviously not working so she can socialise in the daytime and sleep at night which is healthier anyway. her wants to socialise are not more important than children’s needs to sleep. and bloody earplugs that always touted here don’t suit everyone 🤷🏽‍♀️ I’d have a word; no one’s going to stop me sleeping

Depending on her medication she might not be able to sleep at night

People do have different body clocks too, some people genuinely can't sleep at night

If you live near people you have to understand and accept that some noise will occur and I don't think speaking with friends counts as unreasonable noise

Christwosheds · 07/02/2026 10:58

EarringsandLipstick · 07/02/2026 00:00

This is incorrect. ‘Invalid’ as a noun is derived from the Latin ‘invalidus’ meaning ‘not strong’.

it’s entirely appropriate and not offensive, you are conflating it with the later adjectival meaning of invalid (pronounced differently).

This.
An invalid is someone lacking in strength for various reasons, so an invalid could be someone recovering from flu, and needing to be in bed for a while. It isn’t an insulting term, all of us are invalids occasionally.

GreenIsTheColourOfMyHoliday · 07/02/2026 10:53

Ukefluke · 07/02/2026 01:49

If you live close to someone you have to try not to be noisy and annoying late at night .

Speaking with friends is not nosiy and annoying....

GreenIsTheColourOfMyHoliday · 07/02/2026 10:44

Ukefluke · 07/02/2026 01:46

You have to enjoy your home within the context of where it is.
It is a flat not a detached house and making noise late into the night is not ok.
By your logic people having 24 hour raves are enjoying their own home. People leaving a dog to bark all day are enjoying their own home. Someone doing irish dance in heavy shoes or playing the trombone all night are enjoyjng their own home.
If your living arrangement involve near neighbours neighbours , you have to be considerate.

No, that's a false equivalency

A 24 hour rave, poorly trained dog or playing an instrument is not the same as having some friends over who you are talking topp

Screenager · 07/02/2026 10:34

Invalid? As in she’s no longer valid due to being ill?

TheFuturesSoBright · 07/02/2026 10:31

They can definitely hear us too, the DC did make noise when they were little ( although during the day) and they have never complained. It's one of the downfalls of the building, which is otherwise lovely.
However things took another turn early this morning as the daughter is now moaning in pain, which is really distressing to hear.
Thank you everyone for the advice, I think I'm going to go down the white noise and soundproofing route. I quite like the idea of thunderstorms all night! I just hope I'm not passing on the problem to the people above me .😱

OP posts:
Friendlygingercat · 07/02/2026 09:51

If you have young children then the chances are that your neighbours have been disturnbed by them at times. Children are noisy and parents tend to be soundblind where their offspring are concerned.

When I moved into a flat underneath an older lady she complained to the committee about me. Not because I was having loud parties, playing music etc but because I was often up until 1-2 am even during the working week. She complained that she could not settle (while I was walking around my flat) until she heard me go to bed. It was ruled that her complaint was invalid and it was simply a clash of lifestyles. Obviously I was not going to curtail or alter my lifestyle for a needy neighbour. I stuck a pack of earplugs through her door.

brightnails · 07/02/2026 09:51

GreenIsTheColourOfMyHoliday · 06/02/2026 23:41

She's just living her life!

It's not like she's playing the drums at 1am or playing CoD at full blast

She's just talking with friends

she doesn’t need to “live her life” at 1am below someone’s bedroom! she’s obviously not working so she can socialise in the daytime and sleep at night which is healthier anyway. her wants to socialise are not more important than children’s needs to sleep. and bloody earplugs that always touted here don’t suit everyone 🤷🏽‍♀️ I’d have a word; no one’s going to stop me sleeping

PlainSkyr · 07/02/2026 09:36

Earplugs that don’t block out all the noise but most of it

Keepingthingsinteresting · 07/02/2026 09:21

LadyMacbethWasFierce · 06/02/2026 23:03

Sorry. I did not directly answer the question. I am sympathetic. But yes you would be unreasonable to mention this to them.

But genuinely why would she be unreasonable?

It is unfortunate the daughter is disabled and unwell, but that does not exempt her from behaving reasonably, all the residents clearly know sound travels in the building and so should behave respectfully in ‘anti-social’ hours.

I bet if you were hoovering or doing aerobics in the bedroom at noon when she is trying to sleep she would complain you are disturbing her, and she would be unreasonable to do so. Communal living requires everyone to behave reasonably and if she doesn’t naturally then you would not be unreasonable to ask her to, though frankly if she is naturally so disrespectful as to do this I doubt asking her will ,are a difference.

gototogo · 07/02/2026 09:17

They may not be aware that you can hear them. You can be polite and mention it’s very loud in your flat at night. So you both own? Or rented?

PriscillaD · 07/02/2026 09:14

alexdgr8 · 06/02/2026 22:57

Why have you called her invalid.
However annoying unwittingly she may be
Doesn't make her invalid.
Or do you mean she has extra problems from disabilities or health issues.

Did you read the post?
"My neighbour has been ill for years. She has multiple health problems and is, I think, house bound"

EleanorReally · 07/02/2026 09:12

i think 11 pm is a reasonable ask

DiscoBeat · 07/02/2026 09:11

TheFuturesSoBright · 06/02/2026 23:48

Absolutely didn't mean to be offensive.

You weren't, it's the correct term for what you describe. It does not mean 'in valid', it means 'not strong'.
I would imagine you could buy soundproofing sheets for the floor? Then thick underlay then carpet?

EleanorReally · 07/02/2026 09:11

i would speak to her,
her friends should not be keeping you awake

Crofthead · 07/02/2026 09:09

Invalid is a fine word to use- not pronounced in valid - some people are getting confused I think 🤔

Crofthead · 07/02/2026 09:07

TheFuturesSoBright · 06/02/2026 23:10

Apologies @alexdgr8 I meant she was invalid in the sense of someone who's ill for a long time. i.e. chronically poorly.
The room is about 14 feet x 14 ? I was considering chatting with her mum and just mentioning the change. But honestly she's got so much on her hands with her daughter, that I feel awful. And I really am hoping the visitors are temporary. I don't think they had so many before she went into hospital.
Maybe I'm worrying too soon.

Everyone else knew what you meant as you used it correctly. Some people just like to criticise and jump down your throat.

UncannyFanny · 07/02/2026 09:01

InterestedDad37 · 07/02/2026 07:42

Yes but, you'd have to have been living under a stone not to know that the word belongs in the era of those little blue three-wheeler cars. 🤷

Doesn’t prevent people just offering advice though rather than nitpicking.