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Original poster

Go fund pot for a baby registry

81 replies

Love2read12 · 06/02/2026 20:19

I have just had an invite to attend my nephews baby shower. It’s a mother to be and father to be baby shower with all the family. They have stated they haven’t done a baby registry (is this even a thing?) and they would much prefer money donated so both parents can take time off work. (Self employed). Got to admit I am baffled at this.. wondering if others would be too?

Am I being unreasonable not to contribute? I will however give a gift /card with money when the baby is here. They can put this to whatever they wish. It’s been sent to 30 People. Realistically how much would each person have to contribute in order for them to be off. Usually at a baby shower (of the handful I have been to) I take a minding, then buy a gift when the baby is born. Is this the new normal?

OP posts:
Original poster
Love2read12 · 06/02/2026 20:56

Odditea · 06/02/2026 20:53

I think in some cultures this is the norm.

Even so, I honestly wouldn’t care. I wouldn’t turn up empty handed so if they’re just saying deposit the same amount of money that I would have otherwise spent, then if anything they are saving me a bit of admin. Most people say things like “gifts are not required or even expected but if you were going to buy one we’d rather that…”.

Makes very little difference to me, and I imagine it would make a lot of difference to them.

Never heard of this before now. Interesting 🤔 that’s why I asked. We can’t make it so we won’t be there. Of course when baby arrives we will visit with card/money.

OP posts:
Frannyisreading · 06/02/2026 20:54

Just another voice for it being tough for self employed people with hardly any help given at times of illness or other need.

I hope everyone here commenting how outrageous this is, fully appreciated any maternity/ paternity pay and leave they and their partner received.

TalulahJP · 06/02/2026 20:54

is just like a couple asking for cash towards their honeymoon rather than gifts for their wedding.

instead of a baby shower they want cash. it’s maybe because their pal or relative has provided a pram, cot, clothes etc and thwy dont need them.

id suggest you put the money in the pot. they presumably need it in advance to get things set up, rather than after. if you were going to gift anyway it makes no odds.

Odditea · 06/02/2026 20:53

I think in some cultures this is the norm.

Even so, I honestly wouldn’t care. I wouldn’t turn up empty handed so if they’re just saying deposit the same amount of money that I would have otherwise spent, then if anything they are saving me a bit of admin. Most people say things like “gifts are not required or even expected but if you were going to buy one we’d rather that…”.

Makes very little difference to me, and I imagine it would make a lot of difference to them.

MindYourUsage · 06/02/2026 20:53

Asking for money with weddings, birthdays etc is grotesque.

No ifs, no buts.

TheBlueKoala · 06/02/2026 20:51

Wow. When you think you've heard it all. And the CF come from wealth as well. Jesus wept.

Original poster
Love2read12 · 06/02/2026 20:51

beAsensible1 · 06/02/2026 20:42

i think it’s fine. Rather than £40 for a gift just give them the money. I think it’s a bit sad actually.

Absolutely will give money when the baby is here in a newborn arrival card. Likely £100, we have already given them £100 in a voucher. It’s more having the baby shower with the expectation of a contribution. There is no note to say please only if you can contribute do so. As they know we all can afford to.

OP posts:
BudgetBuster · 06/02/2026 20:49

Love2read12 · 06/02/2026 20:45

This is exactly what I would think too. Actually even when it was getting nearer to the baby being born we would have asked is there anything we can get that you need.

Show quote history

Yes, that's what we do in my friend / family group. Sometimes we pitch in with another couple and buy something more pricy etc. My aunts clubbed together for a voucher for a carseat, my brother bought a highchair etc. Someone bought us a nappy bin. Some just gave clothes or money.

I have never been asked specifically for money for the parents though.

Like they could have even just said can you contribute some money instead of a gift so we can buy what we need. They didn't really need to specify it was instead of them going to work.

Original poster
Love2read12 · 06/02/2026 20:49

Scottishskifun · 06/02/2026 20:41

In principle I agree with you OP - many people save (including DH and I) before even TTC to ensure we have enough. But having a friend who was self employed I was horrified by how little she was given. As a newish business it was £40 a week absolute pittance to live off.

I've also had several colleagues take shared parental leave with wives who are self employed as actually it works out way better financially for them.

First and for most they should be saving as much as possible but it's definitely not even in terms of time off with a baby.

Yes I get that it must be very difficult. I think what annoys me is the family are wealthy. I suspect as only 30 people it’s sent to, if everyone contributes even £100 ahead , it’s still only 3k so how long will that cover their bills..

I also think it isn’t her parent’s responsibility to find it either, as they have done plenty already. (My friend asked why she was doing this when parents are wealthy) There comes a point where you have to stand on your own two feet. Not being funded with the remaining family members.

OP posts:
Scottishskifun · 06/02/2026 20:47

KilkennyCats · 06/02/2026 20:45

So why didn’t one of them continue to work if the business couldn’t support them both taking an unspecified period of time off?
Who did they think was going to finance them?

Show quote history

They did finance as much as possible but she ended up with an emergency c section followed by sepsis and hospital stay. They were both self employed in their own businesses not linked and her husband had a newborn to deal with along with a seriously ill wife.

Sophomore · 06/02/2026 20:47

It’s cheeky but I’d just contribute whatever you’d have spent on a gift.

Gall10 · 06/02/2026 20:46

Baby showers = American shite!

tartyflette · 06/02/2026 20:46

Love2read12 · 06/02/2026 20:40

It’s in the part where I wrote money donated to her pot/fund.

Show quote history

Ah, ok - sorry. I must have missed that. Thanks

Original poster
Love2read12 · 06/02/2026 20:45

BudgetBuster · 06/02/2026 20:40

I'm sorry, what 😂😂

This is absurd. When I read the thread title I was expecting you to say they wanted everyone to contribute to get a key somewhat expensive item for the baby (like a carseat or a pram).... not contribute to their living costs.

Any baby shower i have been to, people generally bring relatively cheap gifts (a babygro, a hat & mittens set, a pack of nappies). Something small FOR THE BABY!

I absolutely would ignore their request. If they can't afford time off they shouldn't be having a kid or just need to go back to work like other parents.

This is exactly what I would think too. Actually even when it was getting nearer to the baby being born we would have asked is there anything we can get that you need.

OP posts:
KilkennyCats · 06/02/2026 20:45

Scottishskifun · 06/02/2026 20:41

In principle I agree with you OP - many people save (including DH and I) before even TTC to ensure we have enough. But having a friend who was self employed I was horrified by how little she was given. As a newish business it was £40 a week absolute pittance to live off.

I've also had several colleagues take shared parental leave with wives who are self employed as actually it works out way better financially for them.

First and for most they should be saving as much as possible but it's definitely not even in terms of time off with a baby.

So why didn’t one of them continue to work if the business couldn’t support them both taking an unspecified period of time off?
Who did they think was going to finance them?

Original poster
Love2read12 · 06/02/2026 20:44

FMLGFastMovingLuxuryGoods · 06/02/2026 20:37

God I cannot stand this level of grabbiness.

I wouldn’t even reply TBH. I’ve never been to a baby shower or the even worse gender reveal, because I think it’s important not to pander to this kind of lunacy

I would definitely be giving them money (gift) when baby is here. We have already given vouchers for a baby item. I told my husband or let’s say u kept going on about how grabby it is. He keeps saying u won’t be contributing to that but we are all different. 😆

OP posts:
beAsensible1 · 06/02/2026 20:42

i think it’s fine. Rather than £40 for a gift just give them the money. I think it’s a bit sad actually.

Scottishskifun · 06/02/2026 20:41

In principle I agree with you OP - many people save (including DH and I) before even TTC to ensure we have enough. But having a friend who was self employed I was horrified by how little she was given. As a newish business it was £40 a week absolute pittance to live off.

I've also had several colleagues take shared parental leave with wives who are self employed as actually it works out way better financially for them.

First and for most they should be saving as much as possible but it's definitely not even in terms of time off with a baby.

BudgetBuster · 06/02/2026 20:40

I'm sorry, what 😂😂

This is absurd. When I read the thread title I was expecting you to say they wanted everyone to contribute to get a key somewhat expensive item for the baby (like a carseat or a pram).... not contribute to their living costs.

Any baby shower i have been to, people generally bring relatively cheap gifts (a babygro, a hat & mittens set, a pack of nappies). Something small FOR THE BABY!

I absolutely would ignore their request. If they can't afford time off they shouldn't be having a kid or just need to go back to work like other parents.

KilkennyCats · 06/02/2026 20:40

How utterly brazen! 😮

Original poster
Love2read12 · 06/02/2026 20:40

tartyflette · 06/02/2026 20:39

Sorry, i dont know what a gift pot is — a monetary thing?
or a literal pot eg a pot plant?

It’s in the part where I wrote money donated to her pot/fund.

OP posts:
SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 06/02/2026 20:40

I would literally pretend I hadn't seen it and / or didnt understand it.

You cant make it anyway.
Just Send a card and a baby blanket or an amazon gift voucher for £10/20 once baby arrives.

Even if it was an accidental pregnancy they had approx 7-8month to make financial provisions for mat leave.

I say this as someone who works FT and has a 20m gap between my two...

tartyflette · 06/02/2026 20:39

Sorry, i dont know what a gift pot is — a monetary thing?
or a literal pot eg a pot plant?

ClaredeBear · 06/02/2026 20:38

Well, top marks for trying it I suspect you’re not the only ones questioning this. Give them some gift vouchers when the child is born.

FMLGFastMovingLuxuryGoods · 06/02/2026 20:37

God I cannot stand this level of grabbiness.

I wouldn’t even reply TBH. I’ve never been to a baby shower or the even worse gender reveal, because I think it’s important not to pander to this kind of lunacy

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