Go fund pot for a baby registry

Love2read12 · 2026-02-06T20:19:21+00:00

I have just had an invite to attend my nephews baby shower. It’s a mother to be and father to be baby shower with all the family. They have stated they haven’t done a baby registry (is this even a thing?) and they would much prefer money donated so both parents can take time off work. (Self employed). Got to admit I am baffled at this.. wondering if others would be too? Am I being unreasonable not to contribute? I will however give a gift /card with money when the baby is here. They can put this to whatever they wish. It’s been sent to 30 People. Realistically how much would each person have to contribute in order for them to be off. Usually at a baby shower (of the handful I have been to) I take a minding, then buy a gift when the baby is born. Is this the new normal?

Original poster

Love2read12 · 08/02/2026 00:27

snoopyfanaccountant · 07/02/2026 19:41

Any baby shower that I have been to has been an excuse for a group of friends to get together. Someone else in the group has hosted and we all turned up with a plate of sandwiches/some cakes/a traybake plus small minding for the baby/babies (one was for twins) - a pack of bibs, scratch mits, vests, socks, etc. Once baby was safely here, we all did our own thing to our own budget.

Exactly this for me and my friends

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Original poster

Love2read12 · 08/02/2026 00:25

TomatoSandwiches · 07/02/2026 20:11

I don't understand, you have already sent a generous voucher as a gift..... and they've sent you a link to give them more money?!

Yes

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Abd80 · 07/02/2026 20:34

This is shameless! I would not have contributed either and given a traditional baby gift or voucher

Didimum · 07/02/2026 20:20

@TomatoSandwiches Probably just emailed round the invite to everyone invited, which included the link.

TomatoSandwiches · 07/02/2026 20:11

I don't understand, you have already sent a generous voucher as a gift..... and they've sent you a link to give them more money?!

Changename12 · 07/02/2026 19:54

Barrenfieldoffucks · 07/02/2026 19:06

I find it no less grabby than honeymoon collections etc, there is very little difference to my mind.

Of course it is more grabby. When you contribute to someone’s honeymoon instead of a wedding gift the bride and groom have usually paid out a lot of money for food and drink for you.

AngelinaFibres · 07/02/2026 19:49

Love2read12 · 07/02/2026 19:37

I imagine they won’t. The family is wealthy so this is where I think they are maybe thinking everyone drop 1k etc

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Absolutely ridiculous

AngelinaFibres · 07/02/2026 19:48

Love2read12 · 07/02/2026 19:38

If I explained it would be outing but yes that’s been given. They can spend on some baby items/clothes. When baby arrives will of course we getting something. Money as I now wouldn’t get baby things as they have stated they don’t want.

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Bloody hell , just read your update. They've had their present from you then. Absolutely not a chance I'd be giving any more unless the child was my actual grandchild .

AngelinaFibres · 07/02/2026 19:45

Love2read12 · 06/02/2026 20:36

We can’t make it as it stands. We have plans that weekend. The gift pot has been sent via a link though in advance.

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End of problem then. RSVP to decline in whatever way is appropriate ( txt, family watts app, nice card) then ignore the fundraiser. If anyone asks say " Oh I've got something lovely for the baby once it's arrived. We'll pop it round with a card once they've had a bit of settling in time. Wont it be lovely to have a new baby in the family". Smile and move on.

Beeoo · 07/02/2026 19:44

Didimum · 07/02/2026 19:41

I’ve no problem with this. I want people to find my gifts as useful as possible. Money is one of the most useful things going. If this facilitates the father or mother having even an extra one month off to support each other and spend extra time with their baby, by helping with bills, groceries or housing costs, then I think that’s wonderful.

I agree. There is already enough stuff in the world. A lot of younger couples I know are sourcing literally everything for their babies second hand because of this. If I could give parents even an extra half day off with their baby I’d find that lovely. But I am happy to admit physical gift giving is not my love language, so maybe I’m in the minority.

Overtheatlantic · 07/02/2026 19:44

Gall10 · 06/02/2026 20:46

Baby showers = American shite!

No they weren’t until the grabby English got hold of the tradition and ruined it. English shite!

Didimum · 07/02/2026 19:41

I’ve no problem with this. I want people to find my gifts as useful as possible. Money is one of the most useful things going. If this facilitates the father or mother having even an extra one month off to support each other and spend extra time with their baby, by helping with bills, groceries or housing costs, then I think that’s wonderful.

snoopyfanaccountant · 07/02/2026 19:41

Any baby shower that I have been to has been an excuse for a group of friends to get together. Someone else in the group has hosted and we all turned up with a plate of sandwiches/some cakes/a traybake plus small minding for the baby/babies (one was for twins) - a pack of bibs, scratch mits, vests, socks, etc. Once baby was safely here, we all did our own thing to our own budget.

Original poster

Love2read12 · 07/02/2026 19:40

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 07/02/2026 19:32

You could always just give money when the baby arrives. Why should you give it before? Do they want to count the money to ensure they have enough not to need to work?!

I think so, so they can plan. As baby is due start of May and this even is start of March. I imagine to plan how long for time off.

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Original poster

Love2read12 · 07/02/2026 19:38

Crunchymum · 07/02/2026 19:26

So you've already given them a £100 voucher? And you are also expected to give another gift / donate cash?

How / why have you ended up already giving them a voucher?

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If I explained it would be outing but yes that’s been given. They can spend on some baby items/clothes. When baby arrives will of course we getting something. Money as I now wouldn’t get baby things as they have stated they don’t want.

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Original poster

Love2read12 · 07/02/2026 19:37

Itsmetheflamingo · 07/02/2026 19:09

I think it’s fine but a bit of a daft idea- they won’t get much money to stay off work from 30 people will they?

mind you better than a nappy tower or whatever shite people would bring

I imagine they won’t. The family is wealthy so this is where I think they are maybe thinking everyone drop 1k etc

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Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 07/02/2026 19:32

You could always just give money when the baby arrives. Why should you give it before? Do they want to count the money to ensure they have enough not to need to work?!

Thehorticuluralhussie · 07/02/2026 19:29

FMLGFastMovingLuxuryGoods · 06/02/2026 20:37

God I cannot stand this level of grabbiness.

I wouldn’t even reply TBH. I’ve never been to a baby shower or the even worse gender reveal, because I think it’s important not to pander to this kind of lunacy

We seem to be twins!

Beeoo · 07/02/2026 19:28

I didn’t have a baby shower and it wasn’t something wildly done in my circle of friends. So I’m not sure of the etiquette.

Is the baby shower gift/money instead of a present when baby arrives? Because in that case I don’t see the problem really. I would have been in far more of sound mind to write a genuine thank you card when I was pregnant than when I had a 2 week old baby. I would also be far happier knowing my present was actually of some use instead of something the couple never used…

Obviously if the expectation is for a baby shower gift/money and a present when baby gets here that’s different.

Crunchymum · 07/02/2026 19:26

Love2read12 · 06/02/2026 20:51

Absolutely will give money when the baby is here in a newborn arrival card. Likely £100, we have already given them £100 in a voucher. It’s more having the baby shower with the expectation of a contribution. There is no note to say please only if you can contribute do so. As they know we all can afford to.

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So you've already given them a £100 voucher? And you are also expected to give another gift / donate cash?

How / why have you ended up already giving them a voucher?

rockingroller · 07/02/2026 19:22

No! The baby isn't even here yet. Say you will bee giving a card with money when the time comes.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 07/02/2026 19:11

Love2read12 · 07/02/2026 15:56

We must, maybe it’s an age thing. I am in my 40’s can honestly say I have never been to a wedding with a wedding if list. I’d quite like that to pick something nice, that’s wanted. Presumed as they didn’t have didn’t need so we gave/give money. Been to numerous weddings.

Maybe I am too old for the baby shower days.. lol not ever been a celebratory day for mum to be. Small gift brought. Never expected and lots didn’t bring gifts. However, I do agree when a baby is born then maybe a list is a good idea. It just didn’t sit right with me when we got the invite and link in a message. Maybe I am old and out of touch. A lot share the same sentiment it’s interesting to read.

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That's highly unusual. I'm 45, and every wedding I have been to has had the obligatory John Lewis gift list or honeymoon collection.

I have never been to a baby shower however.

Itsmetheflamingo · 07/02/2026 19:09

I think it’s fine but a bit of a daft idea- they won’t get much money to stay off work from 30 people will they?

mind you better than a nappy tower or whatever shite people would bring

Barrenfieldoffucks · 07/02/2026 19:06

I find it no less grabby than honeymoon collections etc, there is very little difference to my mind.

LlynTegid · 07/02/2026 18:47

Please decline. Please do not go to the baby shower. We are not the 51st state.

Hopefully when the baby arrives you send a card, and remember future birthdays.