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AIBU?

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Original poster

DP just isn't interested in DS

581 replies

Karma1387 · 06/02/2026 17:31

I'm not sure if this is a AIBU or just looking for advice.

I have an almost 2 year old son and another due in a few weeks. My partner is just so unengaged with him. They don't get to spend a lot of time together due to DP working nights and having sleep apnea so he needs plenty of sleep in the day.

Whenever I try to give them some time together I am constantly having to nudge him to talk to DS or play with him. He usually ends up staring into space or reading on his phone or falling asleep. It makes me a bit sad he isn't more interested in him as he doesn't get a lot of time with him to bond.

DP is going to be on toddler duty full time for 6 weeks when DC2 is born due to me having an elective C section. I am worried about if DS is going to get enough attention and engagement or if I am going to have to try to juggle DS and the baby whilst recovering from the C section whilst DP has 6 weeks off work.

Is this normal for dads with young children? Does it get better as the kids get older and they find mutual interests? He just doesn't seem to be able to engage or doesn't know what to do with him. He struggled with initial bonding when dc1 was born due to depression so I'm not sure if thats caused an impact.

I feel bad nagging him about spending time with DS as he is the main/ only earner so ai appreciate hes tired but I want my kids to have a good relationship with their dad.

So I guess am I unreasonable to keep nagging about his lack of interest? Or do I need to just accept that they wont have as close relationship with him as they do me?

OP posts:
Original poster
Karma1387 · 09/02/2026 16:23

Enrichetta · 09/02/2026 16:02

How many hours a day is your son exposed to TV? I don’t think mindless background TV - especially if there are lots of advertisements - is a good idea.

He should only be watching age appropriate programmes for short periods. Stuff that actually stimulates him, things that are at least partially educational, for instance programmes about animals. Things you have researched and consciously chosen as being of interest and benefit for him.

As a general point, he needs more structure to his days. Planned activities, including reading, talking about books and discussing his thoughts and experiences and what he would like to do, doing artwork….. - and getting out of the house every day.

Prior to pregnancy maybe 30 mins. Since I got pregnant its on most of the time. Its been a rough pregnancy and I dont have the stamina or strength to play with him on the floor all the time. After baby is here and I feel better I would like to go back to 30min-1hr.

My almost 2 year old cant discuss his thoughts and interests or say what he would like to do. His idea of fun is pulling all his toys out or climbing everything. I'm not sure what sort of structure for 10 hours a day a 2 year old can have.

We read probably 10-15 books a day so he has no shortage of reading but he cant discuss them. He just likes to cuddle whilst I read.

OP posts:
sittingonabeach · 09/02/2026 16:17

It’s really important that he gets exposure to so many different things (and not via the tv) His life sounds a bit like a COVID child and that has had serious repercussions on some children.

How long does it take to get reins or similar for him. Can order them today and you could get them tomorrow

Are you getting a buggy board for the pram?

Enrichetta · 09/02/2026 16:02

How many hours a day is your son exposed to TV? I don’t think mindless background TV - especially if there are lots of advertisements - is a good idea.

He should only be watching age appropriate programmes for short periods. Stuff that actually stimulates him, things that are at least partially educational, for instance programmes about animals. Things you have researched and consciously chosen as being of interest and benefit for him.

As a general point, he needs more structure to his days. Planned activities, including reading, talking about books and discussing his thoughts and experiences and what he would like to do, doing artwork….. - and getting out of the house every day.

Original poster
Karma1387 · 09/02/2026 16:02

Goldwren1923 · 09/02/2026 16:00

How do you know?

Show quote history

How do I know he doesnt like it? Because if I take him into the garden and its wet and raining he walks back to the door. If we take him to the park he goes to the gate and shouts home.

OP posts:
Original poster
Karma1387 · 09/02/2026 16:01

Goldwren1923 · 09/02/2026 15:57

im confused. What does “interested” is in your opinion in a 2 year old? Or “not interested”?

Show quote history

He walks to the gate of the park and asks to go home.

OP posts:
Original poster
Karma1387 · 09/02/2026 16:00

sittingonabeach · 09/02/2026 15:54

Can you walk to shops, library etc? He needs to see the world outside his home

He wont sit in his pram for long anymore so we dont tend to walk to the library as he wont walk on foot all that way. We never go to the shops as partner shops after work or I online shop.

I know I need to start taking him to different places. Once I have recovered after birth I will be working on it. I have ordered a harness and leash and I am looking for a toddler carrier so we dont have to use the pram for him.

OP posts:
Goldwren1923 · 09/02/2026 16:00

Karma1387 · 09/02/2026 15:56

Unless you are driving quite far and going to something like the zoo DS has no interest in being outside in the wet and cold!

Hes slowly getting more tolerant so its a work in progress. Hopefully by next winter he wont mind being out in drizzly weather.

Show quote history

How do you know?

Goldwren1923 · 09/02/2026 15:57

Karma1387 · 09/02/2026 15:01

He just isnt interested in them or the one near us anyway. Its not very toddler friendly.

We would need to drive somewhere else to find a park more suitable. Once the weather improves.

Show quote history

im confused. What does “interested” is in your opinion in a 2 year old? Or “not interested”?

Original poster
Karma1387 · 09/02/2026 15:56

sittingonabeach · 09/02/2026 15:50

Why doesn’t he go outside? He needs fresh air (even if raining)

Unless you are driving quite far and going to something like the zoo DS has no interest in being outside in the wet and cold!

Hes slowly getting more tolerant so its a work in progress. Hopefully by next winter he wont mind being out in drizzly weather.

OP posts:
sittingonabeach · 09/02/2026 15:54

Can you walk to shops, library etc? He needs to see the world outside his home

sittingonabeach · 09/02/2026 15:53

If you are signing him up to toddler football why not just kick a ball about outside? You don’t have to sign up to an activity to do that

WhatNoRaisins · 09/02/2026 15:51

Good idea. See it as a project and build up the distances then there's more that you will be able to do. Even just looking at random stuff on the street and the letters on road signs is interactive.

sittingonabeach · 09/02/2026 15:50

Why doesn’t he go outside? He needs fresh air (even if raining)

Original poster
Karma1387 · 09/02/2026 15:45

WhatNoRaisins · 09/02/2026 15:41

It may be that dad needs to take him out more. Different parents are different but our family has never coped well with days in. Even a walk with the buggy or around the shops on a rainy day would be something.

There are some limited home activities that work ok for this age but I've never found them enough to fill a whole day. It's also easier once they are 3, I remember getting a lot of suggestions in lockdown for home activities that just didn't work for 1-2 year olds at all.

It sounds like dad could do better but days in like this are hard to pull off.

They do need to go out more. DS already doesn't like his pram which makes it a little harder. But we are buying him a leash/harness and a toddler sling to make it a bit easier.

OP posts:
Original poster
Karma1387 · 09/02/2026 15:43

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 09/02/2026 15:31

Dad could throw him around.
Dad could walk around with him on his back.

Maybe watch Bluey for interactive dad tips

Show quote history

We have watched lots of bluey. Its a firm favourite!

OP posts:
Original poster
Karma1387 · 09/02/2026 15:42

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 09/02/2026 15:31

Dad could throw him around.
Dad could walk around with him on his back.

Maybe watch Bluey for interactive dad tips

Show quote history

He does try but he is struggling with really engaging with it. He lets him jump on his back off the sofa and will try and roughouse for a bit but he does find it hard to do for long.

But hopefully once he starts his medication again he will feel a bit more happy and full of life to play for longer.

OP posts:
WhatNoRaisins · 09/02/2026 15:41

It may be that dad needs to take him out more. Different parents are different but our family has never coped well with days in. Even a walk with the buggy or around the shops on a rainy day would be something.

There are some limited home activities that work ok for this age but I've never found them enough to fill a whole day. It's also easier once they are 3, I remember getting a lot of suggestions in lockdown for home activities that just didn't work for 1-2 year olds at all.

It sounds like dad could do better but days in like this are hard to pull off.

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 09/02/2026 15:31

Karma1387 · 09/02/2026 15:28

He likes to be thrown around, jump off the sofa onto my back, lay on my back and lift him up and down. Chase him around the living room on my hands and knees being a monster

Show quote history

Dad could throw him around.
Dad could walk around with him on his back.

Maybe watch Bluey for interactive dad tips

Original poster
Karma1387 · 09/02/2026 15:28

sittingonabeach · 09/02/2026 15:25

What do you mean by roughhouse?

He likes to be thrown around, jump off the sofa onto my back, lay on my back and lift him up and down. Chase him around the living room on my hands and knees being a monster

OP posts:
sittingonabeach · 09/02/2026 15:25

What do you mean by roughhouse?

Original poster
Karma1387 · 09/02/2026 15:19

sittingonabeach · 09/02/2026 15:05

What does an average day at home look like for your DS @Karma1387

Whilst I have been pregnant and its been winter an average day looks awful!

We mainly have the tv on and read, try to do puzzles, sing songs, I roughouse with him as much as I can. In the summer it was a lot better as we could mooch between the garden and the house

His day consists of 2 5 hour wake windows and he naps for between 2-4 hours.

He goes to nursery 3 days a week. We usually try to see my dad every Sunday if we can, currently he goes out with my mother every other saturday but that is changing to once a month from March.

And then he has 1 day with dad at home which recently has been swimming lessons and then playtime/tv at home. Afternoons mainly tv and a bit of playing usually with me since I have been on maternity as its been getting dark by the time he has woken from his nap and eaten.

OP posts:
sittingonabeach · 09/02/2026 15:05

What does an average day at home look like for your DS @Karma1387

Original poster
Karma1387 · 09/02/2026 15:01

Goldwren1923 · 09/02/2026 14:46

What do you mean your DS is not a fan of parks
?

Show quote history

He just isnt interested in them or the one near us anyway. Its not very toddler friendly.

We would need to drive somewhere else to find a park more suitable. Once the weather improves.

OP posts:
Goldwren1923 · 09/02/2026 14:46

Karma1387 · 09/02/2026 13:29

They do need to get out and about more on his day off. DS isnt a fan of parks so they need to find somewhere DS is happy to have a run around. Hopefully we can find some good places whilst he is off for 6 weeks.

We are signing him up to toddler football once he turns 2.

I don't think there is anything practical he can pick up on a regular basis but hopefully a bit more time outside with DS on his day off will help them both!

Show quote history

What do you mean your DS is not a fan of parks
?

Original poster
Karma1387 · 09/02/2026 13:29

averythinline · 09/02/2026 12:42

Cannot he not just take him to the park /playground.. everytime no matter the weather . Could get one of those push along bikes .. then on the swings and stuff
Not organised activities but fresh air and a bit of a walk is good for all.. its not exciting but just builds engagement... maybe look for signs of nature or go to the odd farm... Or go feed ducks or something like that...
Toddler play can be dull.. but so much scope on a walk... And pushing swings is a necessity and easier to build on at that age we had a couple of regular playgrounds...

Or could he do crafty stuff -gluing sticking painting? Building stuff can look up projects on line..if he likes more practical things than imaginative play..

Toddler football/dance/gym starts about age 2 here ... But appreciate booked classes are day specific

I think your right to be concerned now as hes potentially going to have a great opportunity to improve bond whilst he's off ... I think lead up time is useful so he has todo 1 thing with DS on his day off that is not sofa related.. even if that's something you would usually do ..

If there's something physical that you can drop and he can pick up?

They do need to get out and about more on his day off. DS isnt a fan of parks so they need to find somewhere DS is happy to have a run around. Hopefully we can find some good places whilst he is off for 6 weeks.

We are signing him up to toddler football once he turns 2.

I don't think there is anything practical he can pick up on a regular basis but hopefully a bit more time outside with DS on his day off will help them both!

OP posts:
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