DP just isn't interested in DS

An example of how I might engineer a trip out. You mention in a post about buying a harness. I'd find it in Argos and go over to the Sainsbury's in the next town for collection. Whilst there we could have a wander around the fruit and veg and let my daughter pick her favourite fruit for a snack. The Sainsbury's is next to a park and we'd go in there for her to eat her apple or whatever and if she wanted a quick go on the swings and once down the slide that's fine. If she wants to stay for longer fine. If she just wants to eat and then go home also fine..... Other shops and supermarkets are available!

It changes something that would have been 2 minutes online that my daughter knew nothing about but turned into an experience for her. Putting an apple on the self service till to be weighed or pushing the apple symbol is mundane to us but the height of entertaining for a 2 year old!

We get discount at two supermarkets but because of my daughters diet and our preferences we can't get everything from one shop. When it's a pint of milk the cost doesn't feel like much difference with or without the discount. I can then do a few things in the area, explore different parks or soft plays etc. When I worked absolutely everything was online but going into a shop breaks up the day. It means I see people and get a smile or a hello from other people which helps my wellbeing and my depression. My 5 mo loves giving the older women a big beaming smile and getting one back. It is teaching him communication and conversation. My daughter was a covid baby and absolutely missed out on this although she had health issues that also played a part.

We had the chat with the HV because of concerns but I wasn't suggesting that was why you needed to talk to them it just gives different slant to the conversation about speech and what would be helpful and might give your partner different ideas on what the could do to bring on speech. For what it's worth one of the problems we had with my daughter was that we could have a full conversation with her pointing and doing different facial expressions. Same with make believe games she got everything she needed without speaking so she didn't see the need until one day she got very cross with us and told us off for playing an American version of a nursery rhyme when she wanted and was expecting the British. So I wouldn't say you need to be waiting for speech to be able to do some of these things. There is a lot more to language and communication than words.

Are there any free drop on groups near you? These were good for us at this time of year. They would be good for either you or your partner to do. Our libraries do quite a few. If I haven't paid for them I don't worry about doing them every week but it brings a bit of variety, I can see what other children of the age are interested in and I get to see my child playing games/toys I might not have or expect her to be interested in. We went to one that was free play for 0-5 yos with nursery rhymes at the end. My friends with 2 y age gaps found them very useful when we had 2 yos. It was a safe place where they could sit with baby whilst getting the 2 yo out of the house. Even if it's just sat doing the same as they would do in the their homes they got to see day light and put shoes on and see other children. Their seconds were January babies so similar circumstances.

I think it's a really crappy time of year to a) have an almost 2 yo, b) have an almost 2 yo whilst pregnant and c) have an almost 2 yo whilst not feeling confident in what play looks like. Coupled with shift working I can really see how you have got to this place. I think at this time of year you have to be a bit creative to get outdoors, we all can get cabin fever otherwise. My daughter has been ill at the end of last week and whilst I only things I didn't do was the school run on Friday I was itching for daylight this morning when I took her for school. By Easter when there is warmer longer days being outdoors would be less forced but right now I definitely have to be finding excuses to be in daylight and around people. Regarding being out in this weather, with the right clothes there is no need to be cold and wet. Good wellies and waterproofs and layers with a change of clothes just in case. There is a lot of rain at the moment but also there are plenty of breaks in the rain and 5-10 minutes outside can really blow the cobwebs away. It sounds like your partner is working hard on improving his health it might be something he could start doing on his day with your son to get more activity for him and your son.

I hardly ever put my kids into the trolley at the supermarket. I would put my shopping in the pushchair tray.

If you want to make parent friends - and thus also find potential friends for your son - you need to be proactive and put yourself out there. Playgroups, babysitting circle, NCT, mums I chatted to at the playground…..

Activities my twins enjoyed when they were two years old…

• going to the playground
• shopping - I would ‘discuss’ with them what we might have for dinner, whether to buy strawberries or raspberries, let them choose a cereal, etc
• going to the library - we did this every week and we would literally borrow dozens of books
• story time at the library
• going to McDonalds once a week or fortnight
• going to the plant nursery and they would help me choose bedding plants - and learn the names and colours at the same time
• go to the toy store to spend their Christmas money
• watch the swans and feed the ducks, and count the goldfish in the pond
• playtime with my friends’ children (met several friends via a babysitting circle)

No this isn't normal at all. The mums I know are actively engaged with their children. They play with them, delight in them, relish time with them, are on top of their needs and healthcare (vaccines, dentist, check ups etc.), know who their friends are at nursery, their current favourite book, take them places, and clearly adore them.

And the exact same goes for the fathers I know (I wrote it this way around for an obvious reason as I'm sure you can tell).

Your boyfriend is a deadbeat dad, and you bear some responsibility here. You might have not known what type of dad he'd be before your son. But you knew when TTC your next child, and you chose to saddle them with a crap dad anyway.

The important decision you'll ever make for your children is who you choose to be their other parent. You can't be blamed for the first child. But the second, why would you do this to them?

@Karma1387

you dont feel anxious at the zoo?

We make an effort to go to shops for little things in the winter and it gives us an excuse to get outside and some fresh air.

I was made redundant last year and have become a SAHP as I was pregnant and it was difficult to find work. When I was working full time I did a online shop 5 out of 6 weeks and everything else was bought online. It has dropped to once a month. I get different things from different supermarkets based on costs and preferences for different items in different supermarkets. It gives me things to frame the week with. Less is done online now for the other things and when I do, I do collect in store rather than home delivery. Going into stores mean others interact with children and they see how others interact with one another.

We go to the library frequently, and charity shops to get books or little toys. Our local charity shop has a box of little cars for 50p. I get books for myself from the library too and try to find the time to read them but if I don't I can return without any guilt of spending money that wasn't used.

I remember listening to a piece of the cost of keeping children entertained. There was a caller who had twins just as there was a change in government and there was a dramatic drop in financial support they could get from the government and made things very tight. Their favourite activity was going to b and q as they didn't have to worry about things getting broken. Nice wide aisle so not under the feet of others but it was a free day out.

Have you had your 2 year check with your HV yet? It might be worth asking for advice on bring on the language of your son. My daughter was slow with language and we had a session with the nursery worker from the HV team and it was really helpful to have leaflets on various different techniques. They weren't ground breaking and we were doing a lot of it already but it gave us ideas on how we could expand what we were already doing. It might a way of flipping the conversation from the negative "you aren't doing X to help language" to the positive "these are some of the things that could help language development"

You seem to have some rigid thinking and I wonder if this is impacting how you view what you son likes to do and how he should be played with. My partner and I play quite differently with our kids. He plays very similarly to how you have described. It's not me and I do more construct then let her play then have a pause and the get involved again. I do more of the crafty stuff and the sensory stuff tickling them with different fabrics and so on. I do more of the trips to the park and soft plays but my partner does more playing in the garden. We complement one another. It's seems to me that you are a bit stuck on the he likes the zoo and when I do the rough play and it's shrunk your world a little bit and maybe your partner is then struggling to see where he can fit in. We really liked Jo Jo and gran gran when my daughter was that age. Most of the episodes are about being out in the community with ideas for activities. We also used to like singing hands on YouTube. They do makaton signing alongside nursery rhymes with children in the videos. The show might you ideas about what you can do out and about and how to turn the mundane trip for milk into something interesting for a 2 yo and the singing hands is a more interactive use of screens that might help your partner in engaging with your son.

I truly hope so x

But it’s a learning opportunity. You can point out different things in a shop, different fruit, vegetables. Talk an about what people are doing. Count cars on the way, talk about their colours? Talk about sky, clouds?

if he never leaves the house other than zoo and nursery maybe that’s why he doesn’t like the park? It’s such an odd behaviour from a toddler to ask to go home every time when he is in a park.
do you show him leaves, trees, birds, talk about them? Every stick and puddle are usually interesting to a small child.

so your partner works in a shop but you don’t think people go to shops? Yes more people do online shopping but shops still exist.

An interesting concept will be cash. When DS was younger it was helpful for him to see people counting out change. He had a play till (which did also have a card reader) but cash may become a slightly alien concept to many young children

If you don’t do to shops you could still play shops at home. Could your partner take him to where he works on his day off to show him where daddy works

@Karma1387 if you live where we are your DS wouldn’t have been outside all year as we have had pretty much constant rain since beginning of January!

@Karma1387

sometimes we have to do stuff we don’t want to do, OP 🤷‍♀️ That’s life