DP just isn't interested in DS

I do appreciate that but it took me over a yeear to get DS to sleep and nap without me next to him and its only the last few months he started going to sleep without crying for me when I leave and waking in the night shouting for me.

I really don't want to risk ruining 2 years worth of work for the sake of 6 weeks that my partner is off and risk that DS goes back to not wanting to sleep without me or shouting for me in the night as it would be a heck of a lot harder to cope on my own at night if I have a baby and a toddler needing me through the night.

Id rather find other ways for them to bond that can be continued when my partner goes back to work.

My partner has been off his antidepressants for around 4-5 months and he would have come off them sooner but I was nervous. His sleep apnea is technically under control with his CPAP machine for the last year.

Yes perhaps I rushed into DC2 as I didnt want a big age gap but as far as I am concerned my partners health issues are no longer the issue (although they delayed bonding in DS first year). His issue is he isn't sure how to bond with DS and switches off duriny mundane toddler playing. Yes he needs to make more of an effort to take him out on his 1 day off but I also appreciate that hes tired and maybe isnt thrilled at his only day off involving walking around a zoo or something like that. But I know hes going to have to suck it up if he wants a bond with DS and for my sanity after my C section but its big shift for him to go from 1 day a week with DS to 6 weeks of needing to handle him with less input from me and I do worry how he/we will cope.

I didn't plan on another c section so I hadnt thought it all through of logistics.

What is the bar then?

From where I stand the only issue my partner has is bonding through play. He provides love, comfort and jsut struggles with the small bit of time he gets with our son to bond and engage. Yes this needs addressing and he knows that.

But I can think of parents on a much lower bar.

He knows eventually he needs to move back to a days role but at the moment it isnt feasible. But its something we want him to do eventually as I don't think its good for his sleep either. But we are concious its a big paycut and with DS going to school in 2 years he needs to try and find a vacancy which allows at least 1 weekend day off otheewise he will see the kids even less than he does now!

It feels like it will be a lot easier once DS is a bit bigger and has some interests they can do together but he needs to clearly try to at least get him out on his day off so they have some time to bond which isnt so 'sit there and play' based.

Yes he is the father of both kids.

I haven't ever heard of this but I will have a look. I know he would be willing to try something as he doesn't like the fact he struggles with bonding with DS.

I really don't think hes a crap dad. Is he fun and super engaging? No and thats what I want to improve. Is he loving and caring and happy to he there is DS needs/wants some love? 100%. Hes taken him on some days out, tried swimming lessons with him and he agreed to me giving up my career (despite not wanting me to) so that I could be the mum I wanted to be for my kids.

I want him to put more effort into the very small amount of time he gets with DS to increase there bond but I dont doubt for a minute how much he loves him.

He doesn't do a lot of the general parenting as hes at work or asleep. So with exception of his day off (which i still do naptime/bedtimes as we have a routine that works after a long time of little sleep and screaming)

I care more about him just being able to keep DS happy and entertained so he doesn't feel such a big loss with me not being abel to be as playful for 6 weeks.

I do think I might send him over there if my dad has some time to try and help him learn to relax and have fun!

He is already on a CPAP machine which has helped massively and allowed him to work and drive. He just hasnt got the energy for much else. I do wonder if something else like diabetes could be a issue.

He isnt around much to do day to day parenting but he has helped with bath time whilst I have been pregnant and he cooks on his day off. I don't think hes a tosser in the slightest and I love him deeply.

We talk about it a lot and he does try but he just isnt good at it especially if its the short bits where he only gets an hour before or after work. Hes usually sleepy and sitting there with DS whilst he moves from 1 toy to the next or just throws things around he just switches off and dozes. If DS is in the mood for roughhousing DP will engage but he doesn't think to initiate.

His day off he is understandably a hit knackered but I will push for him to take DS out as then he will have to be present.

He doesn't really have anyone to talk to but I might suggest he spends a bit of time with my dad and DS so he can see how they interact.

I know he loves my son, he just isnt a very expressive person but he would never push our son away or refuse to love on him. Its just playing/engaging he struggles with. He talks about building planes with him and teaching him to build computers and stuff when hes older so I know he wants the relationship he just isnt sure how to do it at this young age.

I always thought I would do both. Carry on my career after having my son but after I had him I knew that 1 it wasnt feasible and 2 I didn't want to he away from my son that much.

I am named as his beneficiary for his pension and his work life insurance that comes with it.

The plan would be what it is for most people. A bit of help from Universal credit if needed and finding a full time job. I dont think there is much else you can plan.

Thank you for your response. It makes me feel like it will get a lot better as DS gets a bit older and interested in actual things rather than the general chaos of throwing toys around and a small bit of play. But I can also see DP needs to make a bit of effort on his day off to take him out so they at least get that time together.