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Original poster

To have snapped and pissed off DH in front of his parents

544 replies

JoanJettsBlackheads · 06/02/2026 15:06

DH becomes like another person when his parents are with us. He was brought up in a very traditional household with his Dad as the breadwinner and his Mum as a SAHM and then housewife (she has never really worked since she got married). In contrast to us, I have always hugely out earned DH, but his parents were never aware of this and simply assumed I had a “little job.”

So when we are with them, DH likes to perpetuate this myth, eg saying that my boss “let me” go to Paris with him to “help” him while he was negotiating a deal. The reality is that I am the main negotiator. DH also likes to portray me as a bit dim, ditsy and clumsy. He was going to town on this when they came over for dinner this week, telling his parents how I’d smashed a bottle of wine (true), left something in a taxi that he’d had to run after to get back (not true), plus a whole list of other things which were embellished. He then patted my arm and said “But you can’t help being clumsy and not very bright, can you? You have other qualities!”

I snapped at that point and said to him “If I’m that fucking stupid, why do I earn five times what you do?” He just sat there not saying anything, his parents made their excuses and left, but his Dad did ask me, as he was leaving, if it was true. I said it was, and he just said, good on you, I’m proud of you.

We had a huge row when they had left, and he’s now sulking and not speaking to me. I’m not apologising, and he can fuck off as far as I’m concerned. He usually just implies that I have a “little job” and that he is Billy Big Bollocks, and I bite my tongue, but the other night was just a long diatribe on how thick and useless I am. Not sure what I want from this thread or where we go from here but I just wanted to get it off my chest.

OP posts:
dreichluver · 06/02/2026 19:14

JoanJettsBlackheads · 06/02/2026 15:06

DH becomes like another person when his parents are with us. He was brought up in a very traditional household with his Dad as the breadwinner and his Mum as a SAHM and then housewife (she has never really worked since she got married). In contrast to us, I have always hugely out earned DH, but his parents were never aware of this and simply assumed I had a “little job.”

So when we are with them, DH likes to perpetuate this myth, eg saying that my boss “let me” go to Paris with him to “help” him while he was negotiating a deal. The reality is that I am the main negotiator. DH also likes to portray me as a bit dim, ditsy and clumsy. He was going to town on this when they came over for dinner this week, telling his parents how I’d smashed a bottle of wine (true), left something in a taxi that he’d had to run after to get back (not true), plus a whole list of other things which were embellished. He then patted my arm and said “But you can’t help being clumsy and not very bright, can you? You have other qualities!”

I snapped at that point and said to him “If I’m that fucking stupid, why do I earn five times what you do?” He just sat there not saying anything, his parents made their excuses and left, but his Dad did ask me, as he was leaving, if it was true. I said it was, and he just said, good on you, I’m proud of you.

We had a huge row when they had left, and he’s now sulking and not speaking to me. I’m not apologising, and he can fuck off as far as I’m concerned. He usually just implies that I have a “little job” and that he is Billy Big Bollocks, and I bite my tongue, but the other night was just a long diatribe on how thick and useless I am. Not sure what I want from this thread or where we go from here but I just wanted to get it off my chest.

Oh he had it coming!

Well the cat's finally out of the bag and it would appear that it's been your husband's issue all along. Nothing to do with his Dad.

And now he's sulking? He should be grovelling, the little pissant.

Shouldbedoing · 06/02/2026 19:10

He brought that on himself.

arethereanyleftatall · 06/02/2026 19:07

TryingToLoveMyself · 06/02/2026 18:43

The fact that 2% voted YABU is proof that some people will vote YABU just to be arseholes!

That will be - Yabu to have not left him ages ago or Yabu to not have called him out the first time or Yabu to make what is very possibly a joke thread. (No one has to question whether it’s normal to be insulted like this by their spouse).

Nottodaythankyou123 · 06/02/2026 19:07

JoanJettsBlackheads · 06/02/2026 16:18

Yes. In a super patronising way.

Show quote history

I’d end the marriage for that to be honest, what an insanely nasty, patronising man.

Ooodelally · 06/02/2026 19:07

Bravo! He sounds a monstrous twat of a man!

SargeMarge · 06/02/2026 19:06

Is this a recent role then @JoanJettsBlackheads if you were still trying to get promoted in the civil service a year ago? That’s quite quick to have bought a country house and everything so he just be wanting a decent amount if you’ve both managed to do that.
Have you been massively out earning him for a long time or just the last few months, as the civil service doesn’t usually pay in the 6 figures.

Scottishskifun · 06/02/2026 19:02

I almost voted YABU.....only for the fact that how the feck have you put up with the level of downplaying you and calling you ditsy for so long?!
I would have been red rag to a bull for even 1 attempt!

Your H has serious insecurities to even behave this way in the first place it also shows signs of misogynistic behaviour.

So definitely a Frank discussion about why he has felt the need to do this

wrongthinker · 06/02/2026 19:01

Wow that is absolutely infuriating behaviour! I don't know how you've put up with it until now.

What's next, OP? Can you really countenance staying with this man? Do you have kids? Daughters?

Happyharper · 06/02/2026 18:59

What on earth have I just read?! This is emotional abuse. Is he awful in other ways? Are you happy in your marriage?

Womaninhouse17 · 06/02/2026 18:53

Good for you. And well done his dad! Don't put up with DH belittling you any more.

HardworkSendHelp · 06/02/2026 18:52

You are Saint JoanJettsBlackheads!
what a dick your husband is! Love that your FIL was impressed with you. Let him sulk.

mrstrickland · 06/02/2026 18:51

Your husband is a twat. A degrading, arrogant man. I couldn't/wouldn't put up with that. Well done for saying what you said.

beadystar · 06/02/2026 18:50

He should be proud of you, not belittling you to bolster his fragile masculinity. I would take my money and leave at this point. His dad sounds nice though. Get the dad a leaving gift.

Tazzi39 · 06/02/2026 18:49

he is a dick and a jerk,, not worth your attention, dump him.

Letmeloveyou · 06/02/2026 18:49

How did you tolerate it for this long?! I love his dad’s response! He is a massive prick.

SurferRona · 06/02/2026 18:47

Given how this thread was summarised in my trending list, I’d hoped this was the return of the ‘snapped and farted’ poster, only her condition had evidently worsened 😁. Haven’t RTFT so hope isn’t inappropriate to say I’m starting reading it a bit disappointed…

Sowhat1976 · 06/02/2026 18:45

He is belittling you and diminishing you probably because you being successful and earning more damages his fagile ego. He's trying to demonstrate that you are a little woman and he's Billy big bollocks to his parents. The thing is if he was a secure person he wouldn't feel the need to do that. He wouldn't need to put you down to make elevate himself. I bet he doesn't celebrate your successes either.

HK04 · 06/02/2026 18:45

CluelessAboutBiology · 06/02/2026 18:39

I’m so proud of you for standing up to DH’s nonsense. I’d have loved to have seen his face when his DF spoke to you. Glad his DF understood. Ooh, to be a fly on the wall in PIL’s house when they discuss it.

Likely MIL may defend her boy but way to go up in DFILs estimations.

Frugalgal · 06/02/2026 18:45

JoanJettsBlackheads · 06/02/2026 15:06

DH becomes like another person when his parents are with us. He was brought up in a very traditional household with his Dad as the breadwinner and his Mum as a SAHM and then housewife (she has never really worked since she got married). In contrast to us, I have always hugely out earned DH, but his parents were never aware of this and simply assumed I had a “little job.”

So when we are with them, DH likes to perpetuate this myth, eg saying that my boss “let me” go to Paris with him to “help” him while he was negotiating a deal. The reality is that I am the main negotiator. DH also likes to portray me as a bit dim, ditsy and clumsy. He was going to town on this when they came over for dinner this week, telling his parents how I’d smashed a bottle of wine (true), left something in a taxi that he’d had to run after to get back (not true), plus a whole list of other things which were embellished. He then patted my arm and said “But you can’t help being clumsy and not very bright, can you? You have other qualities!”

I snapped at that point and said to him “If I’m that fucking stupid, why do I earn five times what you do?” He just sat there not saying anything, his parents made their excuses and left, but his Dad did ask me, as he was leaving, if it was true. I said it was, and he just said, good on you, I’m proud of you.

We had a huge row when they had left, and he’s now sulking and not speaking to me. I’m not apologising, and he can fuck off as far as I’m concerned. He usually just implies that I have a “little job” and that he is Billy Big Bollocks, and I bite my tongue, but the other night was just a long diatribe on how thick and useless I am. Not sure what I want from this thread or where we go from here but I just wanted to get it off my chest.

It's a massive massive ick that he's so insecure and pathetic he needs to do this juvenile thing to you to big himself up..

It must be such a turn off.

Therealjudgejudy · 06/02/2026 18:44

Op, why are you with this bellend?

He values you so little and treats you with utter contempt

HK04 · 06/02/2026 18:44

Good on you OP. That was an epic STFU. Loved that your DFIL said he was proud of you. Nothing for DH to sulk about. You can always tell him you were just joking. If of course you’re bright enough to 🙄…

Cornishclio · 06/02/2026 18:44

Good for you. Your DH is a prick

Shinyandnew1 · 06/02/2026 18:43

He usually just implies that I have a “little job” and that he is Billy Big Bollocks, and I bite my tongue

I don't care why you would 'bite your tongue' at all when he says these things?

TryingToLoveMyself · 06/02/2026 18:43

The fact that 2% voted YABU is proof that some people will vote YABU just to be arseholes!

CluelessAboutBiology · 06/02/2026 18:39

I’m so proud of you for standing up to DH’s nonsense. I’d have loved to have seen his face when his DF spoke to you. Glad his DF understood. Ooh, to be a fly on the wall in PIL’s house when they discuss it.