To have snapped and pissed off DH in front of his parents

I would set a boundary with him. "I want a genuine apology for what happened and in future I need you to be honest and don't diminish me if you're feeling insecure, or I will leave you."

I would also apologize to the parents and say sorry for losing your temper and reacting, but you didn't like the way he was misrepresenting the situation and belittling you and you felt the need to stand up for yourself.

Can I just say I love his Dad?

I do not have the same affinity for your husband. No matter what a person does/doesn't earn, to ridicule them for not being bright? To what, make himself feel better?! What a small mind he has.

I know someone who puts up with this shite from her husband. It all started when she earned a promotion to become a CEO and started out earning him for the first time in 15 yrs. Every social event he started putting her down or making snide comments that she can pay for the meal for everyone since she earns so much now. He looks a fool. I imagine your dh's Dad thinks your dh does too!

Divorce him, he doesn't respect you and never misses an opportunity to belittle you. He's now sulking because you called him out on it. If you accepted this treatment at work you'd not be earning the salary you do. You deserve better.

God your initial post reminds me of so many people (men trained in the old ways) who haven’t done much self-development. Interesting his dad seemed to feel the same way. A relief maybe. Hopefully you can discuss it eventually and DH can become more aware and respectful.

Yes good for you! I would have snapped years ago! You have nothing to apologise for and if he
doesnt apologise to you for how he’s been speaking to you and about you for all these years all to protect his own fragile ego you should walk.

What a load of shit.

He obviously feels threatened by your success. He should be proud of you.
Ultimately it doesn't really matter that anyone else knows how successful you are.
What matters is that he puts you down and ridicules you infront of others.

Your in-laws might not have even considered that your relationship should work the same way as theirs. It's all on dh. Now his cover has been blown. What an arsehole. He should be on your team. You deserve to be treated better.

Well done you and glad his dad is rooting for you.

Is there any reason why you are still married to this prince among men? If he regularly puts you down and diminishes your achievements you are 💯 better off without him.

@EviangeicaYou passed your phone around to show off your job? Are you quite alright??????

Another one proud of you! I do hope your DH has other redeeming qualities as this does not paint him in a favourable light.

Good on his dad for backing you. Nice that he is proud of you. Well done!

Joanjettsblackheads you are wonderful.

Bloke here FWIW

Some men get very weird about the idea of their wives/gfs what have you earning more than them

You did nothing wrong and your husband sounds like a knobhead, I’m shocked you tolerated it as long as you did

Just want to add that my PIL know that I earn just as much as their son and the one time my FIL hinted that I was benefitting from his sons hard work he got told that I in fact bring in half the salary. You deserve a man who appreciates the hard work that you do. I’m an internet stranger and I’m very proud of you

What an insufferable twat. I was the high earner in a relationship for 12 years and my ex’s feelings of inadequacy also led to him being incredibly spiteful and constantly trying to get one-up.

Your father-in-law sounds lovely though.

I agree with the PP’s saying it is awful that her husband isnt proud of her. But it goes beyond that because her career is funding their lifestyle. If he despises having a high-earning wife, why is he enjoying the spoils of her hard work?

He seriously needs to consider how he sees his future. Id give him a deadline to come up with a solution, OP. This is 100% HIS problem.

How does he speak to you when you’re with friends?

Genuinely what is the point of a spouse whose not even on your side?

Mil described my job as being “for pocket money”. I am a solicitor and out earned her son last year but hey no more impressive than a paper round ?!

So before this he'd made little digs at you in front of his parents and not wanting to embarrass him you let it go, he took it that you'd let him get away with it so last time he went to town and really tried to make you look small. He's sulking and angry not just because you showed him up but because he thought he was entitled to do it with no come back Op.
Quite honestly I don't see how your marriage can survive this, he's a sad little man whose always going to be mad that you've surpassed him

How gross. He is not proud of what you’ve achieved and I’m guessing he’s not been supportive of your career and he seems so jealous. His dad has the right attitude, he doesn’t. Just shows you how little and insecure your husband is.

"I’ve asked him before why he does it, he says he’s just joking, and I’ve told him I don’t find it funny. But the other night was something else, he just went on and on and on."
So he can't claim your refusal to be patronised came as a surprise to him. He already knew you didn't consider his disrespect to be "just joking". So instead of realising he was being a dick, or even just taking on board you don't like this act of his - no, this time he decides to go for broke and not only to be patronising and disrespectful, but also to be really really insulting. What on earth did he expect to be the result of his behaviour? That you'd simper in agreement? I mean - just WHAT did he expect? I'd actually go as far as to see his behaviour as a form of punishment of you. He must have known he was needling you.

"He then patted my arm and said “But you can’t help being clumsy and not very bright, can you? You have other qualities!” "
And for that, he is very fortunate that you chose only to snap at him. I'd have punched his lights out.

"his Dad did ask me, as he was leaving, if it was true. I said it was, and he just said, good on you, I’m proud of you."
Interesting that, isn't it? You said he diminishes you "in front of his parents, I think to make himself out to be some kind of alpha male like his Dad" whereas his dad has completely the opposite opinion - it's as if he doesn't know his father at all. Or that his dad successfully masked any dissatisfaction he had about being the sole earner from his children, maybe he'd have preferred it not to have been a "very traditional household". I'd be reassessing if what I thought I knew about his parents was accurate. And I'd be making VERY sure to tell your husband that his dad is proud of your earning power!

At heart, your husband is a petty little twat. He appears to feel threatened by your earnings outstripping his so far. Maybe his self-esteem has taken a hit - but he's gone about dealing with that the wrong way. He has a problem with the disparity? Fine, but he deals with that problem himself, he does not make it your problem. This is real life, not Harry Enfield's 'Women, Know Your Limits' comedy sketch.

Your FIL is AMAZING! and knows his son!

He hates you.

HOW on earth have you put up with this for all this time? What a terribly small man. In every single sense.

What an utter knob. DH has his faults but has always bragged about my work to his family.