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Original poster

To have snapped and pissed off DH in front of his parents

544 replies

JoanJettsBlackheads · 06/02/2026 15:06

DH becomes like another person when his parents are with us. He was brought up in a very traditional household with his Dad as the breadwinner and his Mum as a SAHM and then housewife (she has never really worked since she got married). In contrast to us, I have always hugely out earned DH, but his parents were never aware of this and simply assumed I had a “little job.”

So when we are with them, DH likes to perpetuate this myth, eg saying that my boss “let me” go to Paris with him to “help” him while he was negotiating a deal. The reality is that I am the main negotiator. DH also likes to portray me as a bit dim, ditsy and clumsy. He was going to town on this when they came over for dinner this week, telling his parents how I’d smashed a bottle of wine (true), left something in a taxi that he’d had to run after to get back (not true), plus a whole list of other things which were embellished. He then patted my arm and said “But you can’t help being clumsy and not very bright, can you? You have other qualities!”

I snapped at that point and said to him “If I’m that fucking stupid, why do I earn five times what you do?” He just sat there not saying anything, his parents made their excuses and left, but his Dad did ask me, as he was leaving, if it was true. I said it was, and he just said, good on you, I’m proud of you.

We had a huge row when they had left, and he’s now sulking and not speaking to me. I’m not apologising, and he can fuck off as far as I’m concerned. He usually just implies that I have a “little job” and that he is Billy Big Bollocks, and I bite my tongue, but the other night was just a long diatribe on how thick and useless I am. Not sure what I want from this thread or where we go from here but I just wanted to get it off my chest.

OP posts:
bigboykitty · 06/02/2026 20:52

AnnaMagnani · 06/02/2026 15:12

I can't believe you haven't murdered him years ago.

I can't say it better than this! So pleased you finally let rip. What a prick your H is.

Riverflow6 · 06/02/2026 20:48

I think your father in law is great!

my in laws would see it as me showing him up or some other twisted view point

Applecup · 06/02/2026 20:47

JoanJettsBlackheads · 06/02/2026 19:22

No. The previous post re civil service was for my cousin. I told her I would post for her on here. I didn’t want to post this under my usual user name so just picked this at random from some previous names. No intention to mislead at all, and I probably should have chosen a new one.

Show quote history

Hmmm

Woodfiresareamazing · 06/02/2026 20:45

JoanJettsBlackheads · 06/02/2026 15:06

DH becomes like another person when his parents are with us. He was brought up in a very traditional household with his Dad as the breadwinner and his Mum as a SAHM and then housewife (she has never really worked since she got married). In contrast to us, I have always hugely out earned DH, but his parents were never aware of this and simply assumed I had a “little job.”

So when we are with them, DH likes to perpetuate this myth, eg saying that my boss “let me” go to Paris with him to “help” him while he was negotiating a deal. The reality is that I am the main negotiator. DH also likes to portray me as a bit dim, ditsy and clumsy. He was going to town on this when they came over for dinner this week, telling his parents how I’d smashed a bottle of wine (true), left something in a taxi that he’d had to run after to get back (not true), plus a whole list of other things which were embellished. He then patted my arm and said “But you can’t help being clumsy and not very bright, can you? You have other qualities!”

I snapped at that point and said to him “If I’m that fucking stupid, why do I earn five times what you do?” He just sat there not saying anything, his parents made their excuses and left, but his Dad did ask me, as he was leaving, if it was true. I said it was, and he just said, good on you, I’m proud of you.

We had a huge row when they had left, and he’s now sulking and not speaking to me. I’m not apologising, and he can fuck off as far as I’m concerned. He usually just implies that I have a “little job” and that he is Billy Big Bollocks, and I bite my tongue, but the other night was just a long diatribe on how thick and useless I am. Not sure what I want from this thread or where we go from here but I just wanted to get it off my chest.

I would have been incandescent with rage if my DH came out with that load of bollocks. And I would have said what you said too.
I can't believe he then had the gall to sulk!!! Although I would have appreciated the silent treatment he dished out as it gave a break from all the bullshit he undoubtedly came out with to justify what he said in front of his parents.
Honestly OP i would seriously be considering my options.
Is that some ducks forming a row over yonder?

Zov · 06/02/2026 20:44

@JoanJettsBlackheads

Is your DH on a very low wage? Like £18K to £20K a year? Could this be why he tries to ridicule you so much. He's jealous and insecure.

Why are with him? He sounds vile, and you clearly don't like him judging by your posts. I mean I can't blame you, as he is so nasty to you, but why are you with him if he is so rude and nasty to you, and he earns such shit money? He seems to have zero good qualities. I'd have left ages ago truth be told.

NoWinnersOnlyLosers · 06/02/2026 20:41

Well done for you. I am in awe. Your DH deserved your reaction. Good on your FIL to recognise you. I am too proud of you

Sunshineandrainbows23 · 06/02/2026 20:40

LadyDanburysHat · 06/02/2026 15:23

His fragile masculine ego not wanting his parents to know you are the bigger earner is not great, but okay. But him putting you down like that is absolutely outrageous. It is his fault if he is now feeling embarrassed.

Yes. He brought it on himself. You never humiliated him by declaring you were the higher earner but he kept pushing ... How much a person earns doesn't determine ones worth but he clearly has an issue with it hence his need to put you down so much. Happy and confident people don't do that. It's sad all round.

Upstartled · 06/02/2026 20:37

thestudio · 06/02/2026 20:34

I think if you're, say 38-45, ten years probably does feel like 'always'.

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No, Ragamuffin8 is clearly right, I was just doffing my cap at the observation.

GreyfriarsJobbies · 06/02/2026 20:35

I actually thought you might be somebody I know based on your first post, as I know a couple where the man is a right knob about the fact that she earns considerably more, and does exactly the same sort of belittling snidey comments you mention. Then I remembered that his dad is a knob too, whereas your father in law sounds decent (and it also sounds like he knows his son is a bit of a knob). I really feel for you as every time I've witnessed this sort of thing I've thought 'Oh fuck that, get away from him'. Hate to say it but I see no reason why the same shouldn't apply here, unless your husband has a very quick and drastic change of attitude.

thestudio · 06/02/2026 20:34

Upstartled · 06/02/2026 20:33

All right, Columbo, some of us aren't as quick off the mark.

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I think if you're, say 38-45, ten years probably does feel like 'always'.

Upstartled · 06/02/2026 20:33

Ragamuffin8 · 06/02/2026 20:32

In the OP’s first post, she said she had “always” out earned him. Then a later one says only for the last 10 years. Which is it?

All right, Columbo, some of us aren't as quick off the mark.

Ragamuffin8 · 06/02/2026 20:32

In the OP’s first post, she said she had “always” out earned him. Then a later one says only for the last 10 years. Which is it?

ChocolateCinderToffee · 06/02/2026 20:31

Honestly, don't back down. I grew up in a household where the myth was perpetuated that my mother was 'not very bright'. In fact SHE was the one with a degree, if she hadn't given up her career to have children (it was the 60s), she would have out-earned him. It was a toxic environment to grow up in and it was all done because my father's ego had to be satisfied.

I'm glad his dad knows the truth. Let your husband sulk all he fucking wants to, he brought it on himself.

Pricelessadvice · 06/02/2026 20:27

JaquelineHide · 06/02/2026 20:20

"You wouldn't know her, she goes to another school."

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/work/5239485-lack-of-diversity-in-interview-panel-in-civil-service

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Sounds like this thread is a load of rubbish then.
If OP had posted the previous one about her cousin, as claimed, why not just say “my cousin went for an interview”?

People post all sorts of made up crap on this forum. I wonder what’s wrong with them to feel the need to do this? Disappointing.

Bloozie · 06/02/2026 20:24

Your husband is pathetic. I’m so sorry. I couldn’t respect a man that needed to feel bigger than me in front of his parents, rather than proud. Especially as his parents seem like they’d be nothing but admiring of you. There’s not even a latent sense of judgement of career women he’s misguidedly trying to protect you from.

He’s just pathetic.

JaquelineHide · 06/02/2026 20:20

JoanJettsBlackheads · 06/02/2026 19:22

No. The previous post re civil service was for my cousin. I told her I would post for her on here. I didn’t want to post this under my usual user name so just picked this at random from some previous names. No intention to mislead at all, and I probably should have chosen a new one.

Show quote history

"You wouldn't know her, she goes to another school."

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/work/5239485-lack-of-diversity-in-interview-panel-in-civil-service

ScoobyDooDooh · 06/02/2026 20:19

Why would he say all that in front of his parents? Is it to present himself as more intelligent than he is?

How did you feel when his dad said that to you?

BlondeFool · 06/02/2026 20:18

I’d divorce him. He sounds like a total idiot. And jealous of you. Very unattractive traits.

Stillhoping1990 · 06/02/2026 20:17

what a dick - leave him!

BlimeyOReillyO · 06/02/2026 20:17

Upstartled · 06/02/2026 20:13

Oh, plot twist 🤣 This is why it pays to check the end of the thread before posting.

Edited
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Oh FFS I’ve just read this after posting!

Kicks self up own arse!!

BlimeyOReillyO · 06/02/2026 20:16

Jesus fucking Christ, he’s lucky to still be breathing!!

How dare he do that!

And who has voted YABU??

Upstartled · 06/02/2026 20:13

Crushed23 · 06/02/2026 20:08

Oh FFS. I so wanted this thread to be real… 😢

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Oh, plot twist 🤣 This is why it pays to check the end of the thread before posting.

Crushed23 · 06/02/2026 20:08

SargeMarge · 06/02/2026 19:06

Is this a recent role then @JoanJettsBlackheads if you were still trying to get promoted in the civil service a year ago? That’s quite quick to have bought a country house and everything so he just be wanting a decent amount if you’ve both managed to do that.
Have you been massively out earning him for a long time or just the last few months, as the civil service doesn’t usually pay in the 6 figures.

Oh FFS. I so wanted this thread to be real… 😢

Flippingnora100 · 06/02/2026 20:03

PS I think making out that you're stupid is way ruder than making out that you earn less than you do. I don't think I could be with someone like that.

OneNewEagle · 06/02/2026 20:01

Very very very well done to your FIL, that part is brilliant.

The rest is dreadful he should never be putting you done like that. Even if you were all of the negative things he said and much more and did not have a job he has no right to speak about you like that. I don’t work anymore due to my health, I used to be the breadwinner, and nowadays my OH has the career and well paid job. That would not mean he would ever speak about me like that it’s disrespectful. I would not stay married to someone like that.

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