To have snapped and pissed off DH in front of his parents

My in-laws knew exactly what I did, I didnt go running to them telling them but we were close family and were interested in what each other was up to. My parents are the same with my DH. I don't find it 'baffling' that some people dont have that relationship with their in-laws, to me its a bit strange as I cannot imagine not being interested in my DILs work or life but everyone is different though. Its not a huge stretch to think that some families are close.

Huh, my in laws have known me over 30 years, they know the company I work for, I certainly don’t sit and discuss my work with them, why on earth would I do that, they wouldn’t understand it, have nothing of value to add and quite frankly I’ve no desire to sit and discuss my work with them. I find the thought process we all go running to our in-laws to discuss our work quite baffling.

How does his parent not know what you do for your job? Surely you must have conversations with them yourself & chat about your work etc? Your DH Dad seems to understand what his Son If like & what he's been doing & your little outbreak has confirmed it to him. I don't understand how you've let this go on for so long without pulling him up on it.

What a prick, he has been let away with this too long. Pull him up everytime he tries to put you down or belittle you in front of people.

There is no alimony in the UK. There's spousal maintenance and it's rarely awarded except in very specific circumstances. So let's hope OP gets rid of this dipshit ASAP because the sooner she does it, the less it will cost her.

Better now than in five years time when she'll have to pay more when she's got a bigger pension and the house equities have increased.

I really hope the OP is still reading the sensible posts and hasn't been chased off. The report button is there for a reason and if the thread remains that is an answer from MNHQ.

I hope that you can save your marriage after tbis otherwise you'll be paying alimony to that loser.

I am glad they do. Trolling for an audience is pathetic. I said it on pg2. Never thought of checking the history.

I didn’t even think about checking out older posts but my mumsnetty 20 year senses were tingling. Cheers 😆🥂

I honestly wouldn’t care enough to start stalking old posts!
Like I said - if I don’t believe someone I just scroll to the next post.
Why jump to conclusions about OP’s…. We all know people bend the truth on here to hide their identity anyway…. So the situations are often not 100% accurate anyway!
like I said .. I’d rather take each post at face value, even if they’re fake they’re entertaining at times !
But you do you…

"Getting invested" is a you problem. It's also weird. Most people are here for their own entertainment, they log on because they're bored or have nothing else to do. I doubt anyone is logging on with the thought to see who needs support today, then feeling taken for a ride if they've offered support to what turns out to be a troll. If that's what you're doing then sort your own shit out so that you don't feel obligated to log onto an internet forum and fix random people's lives for them, then you won't feel taken for granted if they're fake. Troll hunting isn't allowed. You want to look up previous posts go ahead. But ripping people apart because they've altered details on a previous post to maintain anonymity, or they've posted for someone else or whatever, isn't ok. Threads getting derailed by troll hunters is tedious.

Good for you 👍🏻

Isn't being taken in by and getting invested in a troll thread just a massive waste of time too? People who make up stories on the internet must have very dull lives.

It doesn't take that long to look up previous posts.

This "new" persona of yourself IN THE PRESENCE of his parents needs needed to be portrayed over a period. This new persona has come to him as an abrupt shock and I'm also shocked that you've let your "old" personal fester for so ling. I'm proud that DH's father spoke appreciatingly. There is hope: Patience is now needed!! Good luck. ❤

Christ do people really look up OP’s previous posts?! WHY?
I honestly couldn’t be bothered to start reading through old posts and pulling people up on it… people must lead dull lives.
i’d rather just take posts at face value. And if I don’t believe OP’s I just scroll past and don’t comment

This!
Your husband owes YOU an apology!
How dare he put you down everytime his parents come round!
I wouldn’t be apologising either but I would be telling him that he was totally out of order making up shit to make you look stupid and tell him you’re sick to death of him putting you down and pretending your job is nothing!
Tell him to stop sulking like a 5 year old and take some accountability for talking to you like a piece of shit!

He’s an absolute prick

'but the other night was just a long diatribe on how thick and useless I am'

This is so disrespectful. Even if you did have a job where you earnt less or did less hours, that doesn't mean you'd deserve to be viewed or represented to others like this.

As you said that he is modelling his parents' relationship - is this how his father talks about his wife? Is this how your husband views his own mother in comparison to his father?

How does he actually view you?

I couldn't stay with someone who viewed me like this. He is meant to be your biggest fan and cheerleader.

We've got two other properties apart from the one we live in. Both rented out. We aren't wealthy.

Others inherit properties sometimes which OP has said is the case here. That's not uncommon.

So yes, just you.

I also come from a traditional household where my dad did well and my mum was a housewife. When we got married I was earning more than DH, and unless I know in general this is a little bit of an issue for many men, he never commented on it nor treated me like this in front of anyone. I don’t think this is a “parents” issue, as your in laws seem reasonable, I think it’s him feeling inferior and trying to prove that he is still “the man” in the relationship, in a very wrong way. He needs to go to therapy.

Also @Whyarepeoplesuchwankers learning to argue and stick up for yourself without personal attack is a skill because it generally gets better results than attacking in response - which tends towards inflaming rather than resolving.

The belittling bit was the "five times your salary bit", and that was the bit I said was playing the same kind of game as the DH plays.

Pointing out she was perfectly competent, wasn't stupid by a long way, had a good job and didn't deserve to be spoken to like that was not belittling in the least - and, to my mind, doesn't even constitute even snapping. You can put someone in their place without it being a "snap."

It was adding the bit about comparing to his salary in a way designed to shame him that I felt was stooping to his level - and I simply don't think that addition was needed. It was only there to make him feel small - which is exactly the odious behaviour he exhibits.

You are correct that I am one of those "airy" people who generally doesn't like to air dirty linen, but that wasn't at all my point in this circumstance.

It was about not needing to stoop to his belittling behaviour in order to rule a line. She could have just said I'm absolutely far from stupid and it's very clear what my "other strengths are" - as demonstrated by the career I hold down. And then I don't think she'd be bothering to even check what we thought because she'd know she'd been fair, reasonable and perfectly dignified.

People don’t tend to react well when you put in place boundaries. Don’t back down unless you are happy for him to continue to belittle you. I’d have an honest conversation about supporting you and being your biggest cheerleader-as this is good for both of you financially.

I don't think you are being unreasonable- but you have to take some of the blame, you have allowed your DH to build this myth and you have been complicit in perpetuating it.
You have blown like a pressure cooker when your husband escalated by actually calling you stupid in front of his parents.
You must have realised how insecure your husband is about your job, and you were willing to go along with it- now you know the depth of his insecurity and his inability to acknowledge your achievements, much less be proud of them- you have a decision to make, is it a deal breaker?
Knowing what I do about the male ego it is highly unlikely you will get an apology, and he might even try it again-can you bear that or not, can you love him despite this huge character flaw?