6 year old doesn't want to move- but it might be for the best?

Honestly, a few sessions with a therapist would be well worth it to help you reset your thought patterns and stop feeling this guilt.

There is zero reason to move except guilt and they is YOUR problem, not your husband or son's problem.

You think you may have a better quality of life but you had jobs you like, your son has a school he likes and you all have good friends and relationships. What "better quality" of life would it offer? A bigger house and garden? I'd rather live in a small property with great friends around, a good job and a child who likes school than live in a big house which might not have those

Think how your love for your DS means you don't want him to give up the nice things in his life, how it's making you feel (and he's only six).

Your parents love you the same way, they would want you to keep the lovely life you've established over their needs/wants. If they don't, then you definitely shouldn't move!

Knowing your kids are happy and settled with friends, community and job security is already a gift for them, you see them a lot, it's time to stop feeling guilty.

You obviously want to take care of your parents OP, but it has to work for all of you. You don't sound very keen to move yourself, and neither do your parents want to move here. Is there some middle ground, eg arranging extra household or caring help for them, keeping in touch closely online, and continuing the 3 month per year visit?
FWIW, I think it was a good idea to ask DS whether he'd like to move, so long as you let it drop now until a decision has been made. If you do decide to move, you'll be able to support him much better now that you know his initial reaction.

Think about why you did uni in the UK?

was it because there were more opportunities here? If so don’t you want that for your son who is interested in STEM

Your not failing your parents by living your life - they are choosing to stay where there is sun and that is on them

Why? Why do you feel obligated to be near them? They chose to birth you. They don’t get to choose what you do with your life.

decisions made out of guilt are not usually good ones

Also, imagine if you did move and he was really unhappy - surely your parents would then feel horribly guilty in that scenario? Obviously, they shouldn't feel guilty, but I imagine I would in that scenario.

@neeedingsomesunshine why ‘of course they’re just being nice’ ?? They very probably DO mean they don’t want you to disrupt your and dh’s life and employment, your dc’s school and friends. It’s tooo selfish to want or expect a settled family to uproot everything to come and look after parents, especially if your dh will struggle for work and friends. It’s also pretty awful to expect your dh to move under these circumstances. I’d feel very resentful if I was asked to up sticks, leave my great job/home/friends/area to move countries to care for my in-laws just because my spouse felt they ought to.

I have the strong sense that you’re projecting your own ambivalence onto your DC.

Do your parents actually want you to move?

Yabu to move because you don't want to move.

Op that says stay here.
You go say they last 10 years your DS would be 16, that is not a time to be moving kids around.
Or he might decide he doesn't want to leave.

I think you need to do whats right for the long term future rather than your parents.

You really don't sound like you want to move, so I wouldn't. You already spend a lot of time over there so have a lot of time with your parents.

I think your 6yo is not the issue. They can't know whether they would like it or not. What makes a massive difference is if his parents are happy. We moved an hour away when I was 9 and it was very difficult, but that was because my parents were unhappy and took ages to settle there (forced to move for work in the 1980s recession). It was an unhappy time for the whole family. Think carefully about whether you can build a happy life there for all of you.

When you say it might be for the best, you're really only thinking it would be best for your parents. All the other bits and pieces you've mentioned are you trying to convince yourself that there might be something there for your family, but really you know you're stretching. Your life is here, DH has a good job that suits family life, you have good friends, you love where you live.

I think you'd be mad to give all that up out of guilt. You see them for a quarter of the year, you can do everything to support them while you're there until you next visit.

The most telling part of your posts for me is that you said after you've been visiting you look forward to coming back home here to the life you've built as a family. That should tell you everything you need to know.

I was moved from one end of the country to the other when I was 7. It took me 6 years to recover socially and emotionally.

Only do it if you’re certain. And the younger you move the better.

Just to counteract some of the stories above, we moved when I was a child and it was absolutely fine. I settled quickly at my new school and was happy there. It’s not the case that moving is always horrific for a child.
I still don’t think you should move though, because you don’t actually want to!

At six you should explain why you will move and understand what you can do to make it easier on DCs. However, you are the adults and at this age you have to decide what is best.

You are obviously very unreasonable to take into account a 6 year old’s opinion or even to have asked him. Can’t you just keep visiting? My parents travelled twice annually to the other side of the world to visit grandchildren, for years. The grandchildren were already at school in the UK but had to go back when they arrived in the new country so we’re doing reception style work having already been through that year. I don’t think it sounds very fair on your DH either.

He’s 6. He does not dictate adult decisions.

I agree with this wholeheartedly. My parents made me move without consulting me and I hated them for it. I also believe it altered my life trajectory. I’m happy as an adult and have made my peace with it but now I’m a parent, I do sometimes wonder why they put me through it. I would never even consider doing it to my child unless it was completely unavoidable.
The people saying you shouldn’t even consult him are so wrong. It’s heartless. Children are people too.