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AIBU?

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Original poster

6 year old doesn't want to move- but it might be for the best?

203 replies

neeedingsomesunshine · 06/02/2026 13:12

Me and DH are thinking of moving to my family's home country (to help with my mum who's a bit poorly, and generally because we would like to be nearer them, not really because we want to. We love it where we are right now).

It's on paper a lovely country, very outdoorsey, better weather, my son spends lots of time there. We brought up the idea of moving there permanently (at the moment we spend about 3 months a year there- long story, I can make it work with work). However he hated the idea- he made it clear that he likes to visit but absolutely doesn't want to move there. He loves his school and has many friends so I do feel terrible taking him away from this. However, my question is - how much do children this age actually understand this? Is it really possible he's so settled already that he doesn't want to leave? Any experiences with this?

AIBU- stay for your son's sake
YANBU- move now

OP posts:
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feelingsarentfacts · 09/02/2026 01:05

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Ileithyia · 08/02/2026 11:21

“He’s 6, he doesn’t get an opinion”

Actually, he does have an opinion, and his feelings are real and valid. He doesn’t understand the reasons, he won’t be able to process the pros & cons, but his feelings are still worth exploring and acknowledging.

This ‘just tell him it’s happening’ attitude is really dictatorial and old fashioned. We know better now. This kind of parenting makes children feel powerless and insecure. Talk to him, explain that you feel it’s a good move, acknowledge his reasons for not wanting to go, but be gentle and supportive of his feelings. Remind him that you can stay in touch with his friends here, visits and holidays are still an option, and no move is truly permanent, and if it turns out not to be a good idea you can always come back.

Original poster
neeedingsomesunshine · 08/02/2026 09:53

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 08/02/2026 00:57

Because as with a lot of posts here - the asking of the child wasn’t the real issue but op wasn’t ready to face her real thoughts yet so has needed help working it out

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@PivotPivotmakingmargaritas thank you, you are exactly right!

OP posts:
Missj25 · 08/02/2026 09:49

neeedingsomesunshine · 06/02/2026 13:12

Me and DH are thinking of moving to my family's home country (to help with my mum who's a bit poorly, and generally because we would like to be nearer them, not really because we want to. We love it where we are right now).

It's on paper a lovely country, very outdoorsey, better weather, my son spends lots of time there. We brought up the idea of moving there permanently (at the moment we spend about 3 months a year there- long story, I can make it work with work). However he hated the idea- he made it clear that he likes to visit but absolutely doesn't want to move there. He loves his school and has many friends so I do feel terrible taking him away from this. However, my question is - how much do children this age actually understand this? Is it really possible he's so settled already that he doesn't want to leave? Any experiences with this?

AIBU- stay for your son's sake
YANBU- move now

If you are very happy with the life you have where you are , I wouldn’t consider moving in a million years .
You spend 3 months per year with your family OP .
As another pp has said that is a good compromise..

DemonsandMosquitoes · 08/02/2026 07:40

If your parents are the only reason then I absolutely wouldn’t move. And knowing that, and what a lovely life you all have now, surely they wouldn’t let you anyway?!

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 08/02/2026 00:57

Atsocta · 08/02/2026 00:51

Well if that’s the case, why did you post on here in the first place then ?

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Because as with a lot of posts here - the asking of the child wasn’t the real issue but op wasn’t ready to face her real thoughts yet so has needed help working it out

Atsocta · 08/02/2026 00:51

neeedingsomesunshine · 07/02/2026 21:51

I think I stated a hundred times now that my child is obviously not making this decision. It was a light - hearted "How would you like to live near grandma and grandad" kind of thing.

I'm not going to go into this again but thank you everyone for posting.

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Well if that’s the case, why did you post on here in the first place then ?

TwinklySquid · 07/02/2026 22:54

If your parents are the only reason, what happens when they die?

Six year olds will understand the moving and all it causes. I wouldn’t move from a nice life here to one I don’t know about.

neilyoungismyhero · 07/02/2026 22:42

JoannaTheYodelingCowgirl · 06/02/2026 17:13

It's got to be Australia Wink

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Pretty sure they speak English in Oz.

ColdWaterDipper · 07/02/2026 22:17

I moved countries aged 5 and apparently absolutely hated England when we first moved here, but I can’t remember that at all! In my mind I really liked my new friends and loved having my new pet. So yes move him if you think it will be a better life for you, or better for the family now.

We moved our children aged 4 and 6, and they settled pretty much instantly (although it was within the same country, and there were obvious big advantages to them of moving, as we moved to family farm right beside the sea).

MrsCarson · 07/02/2026 22:00

We moved countries when Dd was 8 she didn't get a vote. She knew we were moving and why wasn't too keen (also elderly parent who needed us there) She settled well and is doing just fine, has nice friends and is at Uni.

Original poster
neeedingsomesunshine · 07/02/2026 21:51

Itsthesameeveryday · 07/02/2026 21:03

A 6 year old child cant make a life decision like this?!? They have no life experience to date. Bonkers that you've asked them.

I think I stated a hundred times now that my child is obviously not making this decision. It was a light - hearted "How would you like to live near grandma and grandad" kind of thing.

I'm not going to go into this again but thank you everyone for posting.

OP posts:
Itsthesameeveryday · 07/02/2026 21:03

A 6 year old child cant make a life decision like this?!? They have no life experience to date. Bonkers that you've asked them.

gardenflowergirl · 07/02/2026 20:36

These are adult decisions and 6 year olds don't get a say. Adult needs don't trump children's wants.

DisforDarkChocolate · 07/02/2026 20:25

neeedingsomesunshine · 06/02/2026 13:17

Thank you guys. That's what I was thinking. It's difficult as we have a lovely life here where we are and I really don't know what to do. My parents would be the only reason to be honest but of course, that's a very important reason.

It's important but if it's the only reason it's not enough to upright your whole life when you love where you are.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 07/02/2026 20:21

I moved primary schools at age 8 for a year and hated it much preferred moving back to my old school and friends. My DB on the hand was fine. At the school we first moved to.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 07/02/2026 20:18

Well my DNephew at age 6 didn’t want to move half way across London but he had to. From a flat to a house.

I won’t lie and say it’s been easy but his old best friends at his old school he sees one sometimes but not the other, they fell out. He’s still not entirely happy with the new house but he can moan a bit.

I’d just go ahead with your plans.

ThisSharpShaker · 07/02/2026 20:11

I don't have direct experience of this, but I imagine any child doesn't want massive change. If you move there it might turn out to be the best thing or it could be disastrous. Without doing it, there is no way of knowing.

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 07/02/2026 19:27

I didn't want to leave Scotland as a 6 year old but, guess what? My parents were in charge... Children are given too much agency now, in my opinion.

Atsocta · 07/02/2026 19:11

He doesn’t know what’s good for him, and will settle quite quickly, not good to let a six year old to dictate on such important decisions anyway.

User1367349 · 07/02/2026 18:54

neeedingsomesunshine · 06/02/2026 13:36

Yeah, I don't really really want to- I'm sure we'd all adjust and have a lovely life there as well though. But we are settled here. I'd just feel so guilty not moving back!

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Don’t do it. Don’t move your lives and your child if you don’t want to. Most parents wouldn’t want that. Work out how you can support them in ways that don’t turn your lives upside down.

Chinsupmeloves · 07/02/2026 18:36

You're the parents and decide what is best for you as a family. At 6 they adapt very quickly in general. Xx

outofsounds · 07/02/2026 18:11

You’d be mad to give up a life you love for the unknown. IMO!

Laura95167 · 07/02/2026 18:03

At 6 you dont ask them about decisions of that magnitude, you tell them.

I think it's inappropriate to include them in such an adult decision. You give them choices like chicken or fish. Kids will always pick familiarity and comfort

It sounds like none of you want to go and youre using his no as an excuse.

Original poster
neeedingsomesunshine · 07/02/2026 14:45

Once again thank you all so much for your replies. I've read each and every one of them, though I won't be able to get back to each of those! Have a lovely weekend and thank you for taking the time to reply - got a lot to think about.

OP posts: