Seeing MIL ‘halfway’

For this visit, nope.

For future visits, mix it up with different venues, and also tell your husband to stop absconding responsibility with the toddler.

But a walk in the fresh air is very much an activity for a toddler!

If she's generally a nice woman but hasn't considered that this arrangement isn't so good for you now, can you just say as much? "The kids don't do well with the long journey or the chilly walk - at least while it's still cold and wet, shall we say either you come to us or we go to you?"

I’ve said YANBU but I don’t think your MIL is either.

Have you suggested other places to meet halfway? The travel times that you mentioned sound even enough to me so I’m not sure why you said it as if she’d suggested somewhere that was half an hour from her but 3 hours from you - 30 mins difference if neither here nor there as the chances are there’s nothing exactly and hour and a half from you both that’s worth meeting at.

If you have suggested other places (actually said specific places not just “can we meet somewhere else”) and she’s said no, without a legitimate reason, then she is being UR. But if you (you or your husband) have never done the research and found alternative places to suggest then you are the one being UR.

Given the weather I’m sure she’d understand if you said you either want to postpone til the spring or find somewhere different.

One thing, you said she’s happy to drive long distances - what does she say when you invite her to come visit you? Do you think it could be that she doesn’t want to stay over and thinks you’ll be offended? Is it because if she comes to you you stay in and don’t go anywhere/do anything? There must be a reason she doesn’t want to drive to you if she’ll happily do that distance for a day trip elsewhere!

I don't think you're being unreasonable. For sure, meeting up in the summer for a walk with the dog etc, stopping at a cafe for a cuppa would be lovely.

Winter, no way! Not that it will harm anyone, it's just miserable!! Why are you not meeting somewhere indoors? Nice country pub that allows children? If it's just because she wants to bring the dog then she is the one being unreasonable.

Mix it up a bit. Find a more child friendly place somewhere with a playground, you can stay with toddler, and MIL and DH and take the baby and dog for a walk. Next time you stay at home with baby and DH takes the toddler to meet MIL. Then she comes to you.

Whereabouts do you usually meet up, could you give us a vague idea and we could give suggestions?

No you’re not unreasonable at all.

You said your husband and MIL walk ahead and leave you with the kids. Does she make much effort with them?

what has your husband said?

tbh in your shoes I’d say to my husband that a 4 hour round trip to go for a walk in the damp cold isn’t fun for a toddler (and that is before we factor in judgment from others when trying to contain a toddler in a cafe), and that we either:

1. choose a location/activity;
2. MIL comes here;
3. or he goes on his own particularly as if I were being left to left on deal with the kids alone.

research somewhere more suitable for next time but this time stay home. its reasonable to say you have all been poorly and if then she wants to see the kids so much she can come to you

Gosh, stop being a pushover.
Hopefully your DH agrees and you can do more to get MIL to visit you at yours.

Otherwise, start doing your own research about places more suitable for kids and a pub lunch.

I do this using various Google searches for kid friendly places with animals’ petting corners or activities and it works well.

Just suggest you meet at a NT place half way.

Are there alternative half way locations that would be more child friendly that you could suggest? Have you suggested them?

If you've never suggested meeting elsewhere then she isn't a mind reader and won't know you aren't happy with it.

"Would be great to see you Linda but the weather and the children's ages make a walk unsuitable currently. Why don't we meet at Bloomsville Farm Park? It has lots for the kids to enjoy including indoors in the barn if it rains hard and there is a nice cafe on site for a coffee and cake"

Let your husband meet her halfway. You stay home in the warmth

YANBU. How does your DH feel? Personally, I’d sit this one out in your position and let him go alone if he and she don’t want to change plans.