Step children and inheritance

Completely agree you are being reasonable to give your own children more - both on the grounds that some of it came via your parents into the pot, and on the basis that SC will inherit from the other parent too.

I appreciate there is nothing you can do about this now, but for anyone else reading - please ensure that these discussions are had whilst both are still alive and that the wishes can then be communicated to the children (e.g your husband could have written a letter before he passed explaining the decision made, the letter to then be given to SC after your death. There is a risk now that they could feel you've gone behind their dad's back and changed your will after he has died. Hopefully not the case, but always best to try and prevent such issues!)

I was actually going to suggest the same thing. If you can, you could give your step-children their inheritance now, as they are already adults. Then you leave your own children 50% each in your will.

I think it would be fine to give your stepchildren 25% each of what was left to you by your late husband and rather than leave anything additional in your will, I would help with one off costs where you can as your husband would have done.

I think it’s lovely that you are considering this so carefully as those children sound as though they could miss out altogether if people werent being so considerate, as their nuclear family has now split into quarters with another four siblings and new marriages.

Exactly this. Just split the inheritance equally between all the children / siblings.

Unless, of course, you want a bomb to go off after you pass away and for everyone to fall out.

That’s exactly how I have organised it with my dcs and sdcs. My half goes to my dcs and my late dhs half is split between all his dcs.

OP i would take out your inheritance from the pot, split that between your dcs, then the rest of the pot that is made up of yours and your late DHs estate is split 4 ways. There is an argument for taking your inheritance out for your dcs, splitting what’s left in two pots, viewing one yours and one your late DHs and then splitting those, DHs share between his 4 dcs and yours between your two. This would mean effectively you leave nothing to your step kids, they just get a portion of their dad’s share. But I think I would want to give some of my money to step kids as well.

There’s no right or wrong answer to this. As long as the step kids get something from their dad’s estate (assuming there’s something to inherit!) then how you split it is down to how you feel and your relationship with the step kids.

If their dad didn’t leave them anything (that was awful of him), I would include them equally.

As my mum and stepdad’s will currently stands, it’s 60% me and 20% to each of his 2 children. I’m not even a joint child. And it’s mostly his money. I think it’s shit of them personally.

He could set up a life interest and you could live there for the rest of your life, if he dies before you. Problem solved.

I think you should think about what your late husband left to you, and that a fair amount of that, if it still exists, should go to his kids. As they didn't get anything directly from him. Unless he chose to exclude them because they'd done something terrible?

But I'd say it's reasonable to give your bio kids slightly more.

I guess it might depend on need. If some are multi property owning millionaires while others are struggling to pay the rent on an unlovable bedsit, maybe more should go to the ones with less?

Unless they are poor because of reckless spending or are in active addiction. Then the money could do more harm than good.

I’ve been married to my second husband 20 years. There is no way he would put me in the position of being kicked out of my home having lost my husband. His children will have to wait as they would have done if their parents were still together.

@sittingonabeach everything does go to me because everything is in my mother's name (which is why the house goes to me when she dies). Her finances are her own and his are his own, which I already said. That, of course, would have been clear if you'd read the posts properly instead of leaping to conclusions like an olympic high-jump athlete. 🙄

And I say this as someone with step children and biological children.

The splitting of the money in half then his share being 4 ways and yours 2 is a good starting point, as time goes on you can tweak this if circumstances are different. This is assuming there’s substantial money. In the event of the estate being very limited due to care costs eg down to £23k, splitting 4 ways equally would make sense as you have spent the potential inheritance anyway and better not to have bad feelings.

They aren’t just ‘step children’, they are the siblings of your biological children. Stop splitting hairs and just split all inheritance equally; anyone who receives any inheritance is very fortunate. This is the sort of behaviour that drives families apart.

The problem with life interests/tenants in common in a second marriage is, as I understand it, money can’t be released for care if needed.

@Rachie1973 you don’t have to sell anything if you set up something like a life interest trust

@Fruitfiddler you said in your post the will dictates everything goes to you, sorry if I got the wrong will.

And I am not bitter.

And it’s not just that. Plenty of people, quite reasonably, actively choose to leave their estate to their partner or spouse, so that children only inherit when both parents are gone.

Yeah. I won’t be doing that. This is my home. I won’t be selling it to satisfy anyone else.

I think op would have e mentioned this if this was the case.

Gosh, your husband screwed his children over. They should have got their inheritance when he died, even if it meant you downsizing etc.

@sittingonabeach You have made so many assumptions (about my sister not getting anything from my father, my father contributing to family life). It must be nice to be able to make such leaps without logic...

I'm getting everything from my mother because she's my mother? Besides, I've already made my money. We could leave it to charity and have chosen not to.

Tell me you're bitter without telling me you're bitter🙄

Mines the same. Don’t worry. DH is terminally ill. The will leaves 100% to me to ensure my continued peace of mind. We are raising 2 small grandchildren so it ensures their home too.

When he passes my will will be rewritten to leave it all 6 ways. 4 mine, 2 his. But that’s what we chose.

I wouldn't change it from this. Unless you can unpick every contribution that went into the marital pot and say which side it came from & why you have then allocated the will in particular ways, changing it to reflect just your inheritance is going to cause headaches and resentment down the line. Particularly if as you said you had previously agreed with your husband that these were the right percentage split amongst all of the children.

Your aim here should be to not leave any room for arguments and resentment amongst your children and their step siblings as a result of the will. I don't think your new proposal does that.

@Fruitfiddler so is he not leaving anything to his eldest daughter at all. You say everything earned has come from the mother’s side, but he did work and has a pension which I assume has been spent on family life

Why aren’t you seen as grasping if you are getting everything from a wealthy woman, why doesn’t your mum leave it to charity and you just earn your own money