If you don’t know who they’re talking about in the staff room…it’s you!

Definitely find a new school. My staff room is full of funny people having a giggle over lunch. No bitching ever. Just funny stories about the kids and what we are all watching on Netflix!

In my experience. The tougher the school. The tighter the staff

Wow.

During my teaching practice, two schools, both toxic staff rooms. They'd be bitching about a staff member, then they'd walk in and they'd be all smiles, a different teacher would leave, and they'd start bitching about them. Put me right off teaching. The kids were great, but I couldn't cope with the toxic atmosphere. Talking to friends who still teach, not much has changed in 20 odd years.

I'm a supply teacher, so see many staffrooms. There are empty ones, lovely ones, and (small minority) bitchy ones.

When I was a class based teacher, I very rarely went into the staffroom, as I would normally use the time to mark morning work/prepare afternoon lessons.

I’m sure the majority of teachers are lovely, but when I googled one of my old school bullies recently, she’s now a teacher. So, there’s that. Presumably she’s matured since then, though.

It definitely depends on the school. Some years, the staff room is what has made the job bearable. I've had a few years where our 'leadership' team was the worst. In these schools, staff banded together to support each other, make each other laugh and get us all through the day.

In the 40+ years I taught in nine schools, I never encountered bitchiness in the staffroom. Critiques of SLT or advice about colleagues were offered outside this social area. In all the places, endless support and encouragement from colleagues. I'm still in touch with ex-colleagues from the UK and meet with Aussie ex-colleagues.

As it happens, it was the staffroom that brought me to MN. It was a thread in the TES, when that magazine was a lively source of discussion worth reading at all. A link was put up to a thread started by an MN mum who was incensed to find out that teachers talked about pupils in the staffroom.

That was also my experience.

Never found that in 36 years of teaching. A group of us used to play cards in one school in the days when we had a proper lunch break. I was the youngest (24) and my whist partner was 65, and a real gentleman.

Yeah that’s what l found.

No small minded pettiness or nastiness, just loads of support and laughter.

This could equally apply to any Council staff room too. Been there .

I wonder if this is something about everyone having breaks at the same time and being in there together, creating a more intense situation than an office where the chat is on and off all day, and tends to be in ones and twos?
All it takes is a couple of unpleasant people holding court and a captive audience to seem like everybody's at it. Whereas in an office you move away, or get engrossed in your work if you don't want to be part of the nastiness. Just a theory.

I could have written this post, felt the same way, did the same things. For me it was a lonely life but the location of the school was perfect, the students ideal and the parents held me in high esteem. The staff room and INSET days were a nightmare.
Imagine my reaction when I learned a few months ago that the person who bullied me has been receiving exactly the same treatment.

I’ve taught for 30 years in secondary schools and I don’t recognise these descriptions. My colleagues are brilliant, compassionate and intelligent people

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow I think primary is different to secondary. I don't know why.

That was not my experience in 30 years teaching. It was the opposite.

Horrible comment. Keeping up with the Joneses? I’ve never met one teacher who did that

I was bullied in the staff room in one school. It was worse than when I was a pupil. So happy to leave.

What?

I taught secondary for 30 years. My colleagues were fantastic. It’s them that kept me in the job. Going in the staff room was always a laugh. No one was ‘bitchy’ l miss my lovely colleagues 5 years later.

They lit up my life and made me cry with laughter every day.

They can be so nasty

Proper bullies

@EvangelicalAboutButteredToast I have worked in places where the staff room is lovely, but I also know that they can be completely toxic - as I was saying after your post above - if the Head is awful then it will give the bitchy people the go ahead.

People who are skilled at managing in a group situation (who are not perpetrating the bitchiness I mean) will know how to keep under the radar, but some of us just don't seem to know how to do it no matter how hard we try. Avoidance is the only answer sometimes.

It is not just you @Tintackedsea. It definitely comes from the top down. I've worked in places where the bitching wasn't encouraged/tolerated and so I didn't see much evidence of it. If the Head is catty then the bitchy people will know that they have the go-ahead. It gets really toxic. I used to develop all kinds of strategies to not have to go in there. Flasks, staying in my classroom all day doing displays, etc. The thing is, they want you there (in the staff room) some of the time so that they can quiz you about your life/find fault with you then criticise you afterwards.

I have since had an ASD diagnosis though, and know that I am very much afraid of group situations.

The last place I worked in was a catholic school; there was an on-going battle between the know-all, self-righteous Head and the ancient old priest next door. She bitched about him endlessly and the staff sucked up to her by giving her little nuggets about his minor crimes. For example: how skew whiff his parking was, or how boring he was, or whether he needed a hair cut/his nose or eyebrow hair removed. I did say they were horrible.